Saturday, January 21, 2006

Dazed and confused....

I've been bored lately. School took a backseat this year. I put adjusting, figuring life out, having fun, finding myself, building relationships, and staying healthy in the front seat. TV is only exciting for so long. After a while, all the shows have the same characters, plot and style. Going for coffee is nice, but only when I feel like I deserve it, and after a day of chilling in front of the tube, I just don't feel worthy of my cup of bought java. I do work a bit. I don't make a lot of cash, though I do enjoy it. My apartment is pretty clean, because I have all the time in the world to keep it that way. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel proud; it makes me sad.
I feel as though I ought to be doing more. I always liked school, but lately, I've been discouraged, not knowing where it will lead. Reading started becoming just words. Classes became just listening. I got tired. I want to do something now. I don't what that is, but I want to find it.
If I could, I'd love to work at a coffee shop, but the physical stuff would be hard.
At night, I lie in bed and wonder:
  • Will I find a job that I like?
  • Will I make a difference?
  • Will I become money hungry?
  • Is my uni education worth anything?

I spent the day hanging with Dad. It was nice. My parents kindly gave me their computer for now, and Dad set it up for me. He always comes to my rescue. Dad is my favourite coffee buddy. It just tastes better when he's with me.

My days of 'not much' won't be forever. I know I'll get somewhere. I just have to figure out which road to take. I'm wondering if maybe we have to get lost for a little while before we know where to go.

1 comment:


love the post hun i love you and your family.