Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Give Me My Pills Please...

I take pills every day. Unfortunately I need them to make sure my system works properly. My doctor gives me repeat perscribitions. I fill it every three months. Today I went to fill it for March, because my stash is getting low. I explained to this friendly lady over the counter why I was there and gave her my drug card. She smiled, so I assumed everthing was fine. Wrong. This other shrewd looking lady looked up at me and said, "It's not March yet, Miss." Tomorrow is March 1st. One more day.....

I had my drug card and my doctor's order. What's one day???? Give me a break. I'm not addicted to over-the counter laxatives, which is what I was getting. I only have a perscribition, so I don't have to pay for them. Thankfully the drug store is a few seconds away.

As I learned today, some people go by the book, and not a day too early.

I also learned I don't know how to spell prescription most of the time...lol.

Here's to pill popping!


Monday, February 27, 2006

Charger and Blue Moon....

This is a picture I found on my parents' computer from my Dad's not-so-long-ago days as a Mounted Police Officer. The darker horse is Charger and the one beside him is Blue Moon. This beautiful picture was taken by a talented photographer whose blog can be found at http://annedehaas.blogspot.com/


Sad stuff and stomach storms...

I froze in my apartment today. I was sitting in an icebox. Over the weekend, I realized I was living in a sweatbox, so we opened the windows. Well, it worked a little too much. A sweater and lots of hot beverages helped me ward off the early symptoms of hypothermia. When I'm cold, my teeth chatter freakishly. It's like an unstoppable reflex. It happens when I'm in the buff, but can easily be cured with a little "heat."

I saw Imagine You And Me, a pure English chick flick with a twist and a good overall message. Movies about English people are just so frank and funny. Some of those jokes in movies only work when said by someone with an English accent.

While I'm not a Sheryl Crow fan, I just heard that she has breast cancer. That's awful. I'll be praying for her.

The news has been covering the story of Brigadier, a Toronto Mounted Unit police horse who was killed in a hit and run that also injured an officer. My Dad recently retired from the Toronto Mounted Unit and was involved in a similar accident that also killed a horse a few years back. Police horses are regarded as part of a big family, so losing one is no different than a fallen officer. I'll be praying for everyone on the Toronto Mounted Unit too.

My stomach hurts......yuck. You know when you can hear a big thunder bolt brewing in your belly?

Well, there are worse things I could be feeling!


Sunday, February 26, 2006

Night-time thoughts...

Why is it late at night when we do all our important thinking? We try to draw the line between where we've been and where we're going? We start to come to breakthrough revalations like we don't like what we're doing right now, but we have no idea what we'd want to do instead. Great intentions to write a one-of-a-kind novel creep into our heads. We plan, calculate, promise and grapple with all the things we've wanted to do for so long. If only we weren't too tired to get a pen and paper.

We think. Extraordinary ideas flood our minds. We analyse. Maybe it's that we know we have to work harder, be happier, or just keep going. We might realize that we are madly in love and have found the person to spend the rest of our lives with. Maybe we see we are with the wrong person and though painful, we must end something we've grown to count on. Matters like these are sometimes too painful to deal with in the dark hours of night, so we promise to bring them with us to the daylight hours. Sun brings clarity they say. With the sun, all the thoughts, ideas, wishes, and ambitions often fade. The things we realized before are easier left for another time, because today is here and change today would be too scary. We need more nights to think, understand, and process what is in our hearts. These night-time moments are brief and occaisional, but they bring us closer to finding what is honest and true.

I think maybe our subconscious kicks into gear at night. Being tired, we usually forget everything we thought about by morning, but that's OK. Night time always comes back.



Saturday, February 25, 2006

A Gurl's Gotta Eat!

I am FULL. Yesterday I ordered a BLT sandwich from the Pickle Barell, a great restaurant with a menu the size of a novel. Now, I'm not big on meat, but I do get the odd bacon craving which I honour. In an effort to be healthy, I swapped the fries that came with my order for soup and asked for no mayo on my sandwich - not a great choice, but not Big Mac damage either. They were busy, so everything took longer. I'm a slooow eater and we were in a big rush, so I just had soup and a yummy spring roll. I went to bed last night excited to eat my sandwich today.

The Observer's mom gave me some apple cake too. She is the greatest baker EVER. Her food should be sprinkled with gold. Anyway, the cake AND the sandwich excited me. Yummy stuff.

At 11:30 this morning after after coffee and breakfast, I couldn't help myself. I devoured a HUGE slab of cake. It was everything I thought it would be. After that, I eat my sandwich. It was tasy. It's only 1 p.m. I've eaten soooo much, but it was delicious. It's funny how we can't stop thinking about food until we actually EAT it sometimes. The mind can get hungry too I guess.


I Dislike...

  • Ants in my apartment
  • Sarcasm
  • Confrontations
  • Uneccessary swearing or cursing
  • Meat loaf
  • Being unclean
  • Jennifer Lopez
  • Racism
  • Bugs that bite
  • Whining
  • Cowardly people
  • Pimples
  • Untimely death
  • Being itchy
  • Violence
  • Mood swings
  • Eating too much meat
  • Saying something dumb and realizing it afterwards
  • Bling bling
  • Jealously
  • Insominia
  • Insecurity in amazing people


Friday, February 24, 2006

I Love....

  • HOT showers.
  • A cup of coffee.
  • U2.
  • Hearing a good song on the radio.
  • Having brunch on the weekend.
  • A kiss (from the Observer).
  • Watching TV on Thursday nights in my PJs.
  • Visiting Mom and Dad.
  • Sushi.
  • A cup of tea when I'm in the right mood.
  • Reading a good book.
  • Watching kid's movies.
  • Peach gum.
  • Holding hands (with the Observer).
  • Writing.
  • My dog.
  • Heart-to-heart chats with people I care about.
  • The sunshine.
  • Laughing.
  • Doing things I am scared of.
  • Maya Angelou.
  • Talking to the elderly.
  • My grandparents.
  • Bright coloured flowers.
  • Being in love.


Thursday, February 23, 2006


I have to live with myself, and so

I want to be fit for myself to know,
I want to be able, as days go by,
Always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand, with the setting sun,
And hate myself for things I have done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf

A lot of secrets about myself,
And fool myself, as I come and go,
Into thinking that nobody else will know
The kind of a person I really am;
I don't want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect,

I want to deserve all respect;
But here in the struggle for fame and pelf
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know
That I'm bluster and bluff and empty show.
I can never hide myself from me;

I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself, and so,
Whatever happens, I want to be
Self-respecting and conscience free.

By Edgar A. Guest

* Note: My great-grandmother died about a year and a half ago. She was ninety three. Her life was full of challenges, but she maintained a strong sense of who she was, as well as right and wrong. During her visitation, my sister was flipping through her scrapebooks and found this poem. Being so old, there were some references geared to only men. I've changed a word or two, so the poem is generic to human nature as a whole. This poem was clearly important to her, and she was important to me.* - OCG

To know we are lucky...

I miss my parents. I always do when I go home. Mom always stocks me up with yummy food, supplies I need, and things she knows I love. Moms are the best. Dad is my ear. He listens, doesn't judge, adds humour, and is an overall sweet, amazing person. We don't get to choose our parents, so I know I lucked out. Thank you God for Mom and Dad.

Today I was watching a taped episode of Oprah, a special report on the untold stories of Huricane Katrina survivors. The purpose of the show was to expose how the victims are slowly being forgotten, even though many are still homeless, without neccessities and on the brink of being ignorned. It was so sad to see these people with nothing, searching for structure and, at the very least, recoginition.

After the show, I felt lucky to be drinking coffee and having a hot meal in my warm, safe apartment. Oprah shared the thoughts of a hurricane surviour a few weeks ago. The surviour said, "I learned that I can survive with nothing."

Here's to a Friday that's around the corner!


Wednesday, February 22, 2006

A cashier and a cranky neck...

What matters is from the chest up. The rest of our bodies matter too of course, but our actions, feelings, thoughts and behaviours originate from either the head or the heart, or a combination of the two. The neck exists in that area too. When damaged, we're in trouble, as is the case with the head and heart. Speaking of which, my neck HURTS! I need Advil. There's nothing like it to cure pain, but I heard it's bad for the liver. Ah well, can't have everything, right?

I didn't do much today- just slept and had an appointment. It's nice to be home hanging with Mom and Dad. I love my bed. My sleep is more peaceful. At my apartment, I'm the lady of the house and am always on guard, even during snoozing.

Yesterday in Zellers, I lined up at the cash. The cashier said she wasn't taking any new customers. I went to the next cashier and the lady behind me saw the other cashier who wouldn't serve me take another customer. She asked me what the first cashier said. I told her, then said, "Maybe I went to the wrong cash register." She said no, and asked to speak with the manager. The woman angrily explained what had happened to me. My face went fire engine red. I hate conflict. I hate being involved in conflict even more.

Embarrassed, I left the store before the situation was resolved. I don't know why that cashier wouldn't serve me. I'm not scary, just disabled. Maybe she was scared I'd bite her or ask her for help going to the washroom. Whatever the cashier's reasoning, I'm glad that someone stood up for me. I just wanted to buy a pack of Halls.

Thinking about it now, it's a bit sad that I automatically assumed I had done something wrong. I'm used to people staring, whispering, pointing or gossiping about me. I don't even notice these things anymore. It's just reality for me. I'm not asking for pity here, just telling you how it is for me and anyone else who is different. People are afraid of what is different. I get that, but it doesn't mean we can avoid the things we are scared of, especially when they are human beings.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

With My Own Two Hands...

I can change the world
With my own two hands
Make a better place
With my own two hands
Make a kinder place
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

I can make peace on earth
With my own two hands
I can clean up the earth
With my own two hands
I can reach out to you
With my own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

I’m gonna make it a brighter place
I’m gonna make it a safer place
I’m gonna help the human race
With my own
With my own two hands
I can hold you
With my own two hands
I can comfort you
With my own two hands

But you got to use
Use your own two hands
Use your own
Use your own two hands
With our own
With our own two hands
With my own
With my own two hands

*Note: A blogger by the name of Sons Of Dean wrote a comment to this post saying that Jack Johnson was a famous boxer. Unfortunately I accidently erased the comment. Thanks for the info. You are right, but I'm talking about the music artist who writes mellow music, not the guy who smashed jaws. Cheers! - OCG*

Curious George.....

I saw Curious George on the weekend. It's so cute! George rocks. The theatre was filled with little kids who either laughed or got scared. They were too sweet. Will Ferrell and Drew Barrymore were great. It's a fun, light-hearted way to spend a few hours. All my adult worries were forgotten. We all need that once in a while.

Well, I can't help mentioning the movie soundtrack because it includes my new favourite artist, Jack Johnson. No surprise that I thought the soundtrack fit the movie perfectly. A movie about an adorable monkey needs sweet, brighten-your-day music and that's exactly what the soundtrack is. Every sad moment was quickly forgotten as soon as Jack Johnson's soothing voice and lyrics were cued.

The Observer bought me the movie soundtrack as well as Jack's first CD. I'm a spoiled, lucky girl. The soundtrack (Jack Johnson and Friends) is a collection of lullabies from Jack, Matt Costa, and Ben Harper. The songs make me think of having little kids to sing to sleep. I'll think I'll check out some of Ben Harper's tunes.

Anyway, go see Curious George! Of course you can all do whatever you want!



Thursday, February 16, 2006

A Logical Pig....

I'm going to complain about feeling fat. Lots of girls do this too much. It's annoying, especially when the chick is a stick. That's not me. I'm no stick, but thankfully I'm no whale either. Somtimes I just feel chubby. I have sweet friends and family who always tell me I'm pretty and "fine" weight wise. I still worry. My body frame is small, so added pounds are noticeable. I've just been feeling large lately. I don't believe in diets. They don't work long-term. Instead of depriving our bodies, I think the answer is listening to them and giving what they want in reasonable amounts. If I want a cookie, I eat it, but not if I'm not hungry. I'm learning, after years of being unkind to my body, that if I respect it, it will respect me.

My cheeks are bit rounder than I would like, but they won't be this way forever. I'm not going to starve myself as I would have done in the past. I'm actually going to EAT, and slowly let my body adjust. I trust it, and for the first time in years, I trust myself too.

This must mean that I'm actually growing up. Scary stuff!


Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

I think I’ve already lost you
I think you’re already gone
I think I’m finally scared now
You think I’m weak - but I think you’re wrong
I think you’re already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I’m relaxed - I can’t be sure

I think you’re so mean -
I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I’m just scared - I think too much

I know this is wrong it’s a problem I’m dealing
If you’re gone - maybe it’s time to go home
There’s an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move

If you’re gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there’s a little bit of something me
In everything in you
I bet you’re hard to get over
I bet the room just won’t shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind

I think you’re so mean -
I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I’m just scared - that I know too much
I can’t relate and that’s a problem I’m feeling
If you’re gone - maybe it’s time to go home
There’s an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move

If you’re gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there’s a little bit of something me
In everything in you
I think you’re so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I’m just scared - do I talk too much
I know this is wrong it’s a problem I’m dealing

If you’re gone - maybe it’s time to go home
There’s an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you’re gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there’s a little bit of something me
In everything in you
If You're Gone (MATCHBOX 20)

Monday, February 13, 2006

Tales From The Toilet...

Ya know those days when nature just won't call? You're sitting, waiting wishing, and no success. It's frustrating and you get grumpy. You start to lose hope of ever feeling like yourself again. Bloat, gas, and indigestion are things you had hoped would go away. Tough luck. Your mouth tastes funny and your belly feels bigger. Your pipes are clogged. Then, all of a sudden, sweet relief.........ahhhhhhhh! You feel lighter, more free, and emptied out. You feel like yourself. Your pipes are thanking you. You smile. The small human needs really matter. Our bodies say thanks when we listen to them.

One Hot Hawaiian......

I'm just you, you're just me
But it's only true if we believe
Well there really ain't no use in stopping
What nobody never told me not to do
So I'll keep people watching, watching me now
Finding my way back to you
People Watching (JACK JOHNSON)

I'm posting this picture of Jack Johnson and his band. I LOVE Jack AND his music. He's very talented and just happens to be attractive. Anyone who makes music like he does HAS to be super sweet and sensitive. He's a lot like Dave Mathews, but not as strange, and you can actually decipher what the lyrics in his songs are. I really want to see Curious George. The whole soundtrack is a big dose of sweet, sexy Jack and the movie must be so cute. Everyone loves George. I wasn't sure where Jack Johnson grew up, but a reliable source told me that he hails from Hawaii. Are all guys from Hawaii as hot as Jack?


Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Coffee sweetness...

Another zzzless night. Ah well, there's always tomorrow. You know what's strange? I still had tiny, yellow sleep bits in my eyes. Sometimes I call them eye boogers. Do you think there's a sleep fairy who comes and sprinkles eye bits in our eyes while we're dreaming?

I ate beans for breakfast. Good thing I'm alone today. I also had WAY too much chocolate. It was disguisting. I'm feeling the need for a Starbucks coffee now. Sugar and caffiene go hand in hand.

I'm excited to watch the Grammys tonight. I'm betting on U2. They are one of a kind.

I just got back from Starbucks. The need for coffee was so strong that I left my post mid thought. Addict or what? The sweetest thing just happened to me. There was no automatic door or button, so I was waiting for someone to help me. All at once, five guys rushed to my rescue. In one store, on one day, there were five kind souls. I ordered my coffee and was struggling to get my money. The guy said it was his treat. I kept insisting I pay, and he kept saying no. That has happened to me a few times at coffee shops. Strangely, it's always when I'm having a really bad day and I'm losing faith in the kindness of people. It was just so sweet. Maybe I got a free coffee because the guy at Starbucks felt sorry for me, but I like to think that he would do that for anyone.

I live near Church Street, Canada's largest gay community. There are so many friendly, sweet, cute guys around. The area is very welcoming to people with disabilities. There are always people who have my back, or asking if I need help. I think anyone who is different or challenged in some way has compassion for others who do too.

That coffee was extra good. Thank you sweet Starbucks guy.



It came without warning
A love like I ain't never felt before
She's like my destiny calling
And she's lying there all naked on the floor
And suddenly, out of the blue she's singin'...
Oh babe, let my lovin' ease your pain
Bring your burning skin to my river once again
I'll give you life

Oh baby, let my lovin' ease your pain tonight
She came without warning
like an angel come from heaven in the night (in the night)
the kiss makes me tremble
so she pulls me close and holds me oh so tight.

And suddenly, out of the blue she's singin'...

Oh babe, let my lovin' ease your pain
Bring your burning skin to my river once again
I'll give you life
Oh baby, let my lovin' ease your pain

I give you life
I'll give you life, baby
I'll give you love
Oh babe, let my lovin' ease your pain
Bring your burning skin to my river once again
I'll give you life
Oh baby, let my lovin' ease your pain
Oh babe, let my lovin' ease your pain
Bring your burning skin to my river once again
I'll give you life
Oh baby, let my lovin' ease your pain.

RIVER (LIVE) Thanks to Mysti for helping me find these lyrics.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Bed, sweet bed!

I'm tired. I'm drooling. Yuck. My body must think I'm sleeping. My pillow is ALWAYS drenched in my mouth juice. I couldn't get many zzz's last night. The more I looked at my alarm clock, the more I counted the hours I hadn't slept. I became more and more anxious and less likely to snooze. Thank goodness for coffee - sweet, sweet coffee.

I had a large coffee from Tim Hortons. It was delicious. Early in the aftenoon, I got hit with a dose of grumpiness. Tiredness, hunger, a bad hair day, and a fat day got the better of me. I'm ashamed to say that I snapped at kind, gentle, understanding Observer. I'm sorry for that. I snap at VERY few people - only the ones I love and trust. In a twisted way, it's a good sign that I can show my true colours. It means I'm comfortable with the Observer, even though that's no excuse for being less than nice. I'm glad he knew my mood wasn't about him.

There is this new song by Live called the River. It's wicked. I've been listening to the radio ALL the time hoping to hear it. I want the lyrics.

Happy zzz!


Monday, February 06, 2006


Here come the nightingales, or could it be the mockingbird, they're at my windowsill, they flew in as soon as they heard.
Enter the doctor and the nurse, say my condition's getting worse,
they take my pulse and shake their
heads, they recommend I stay in bed.
They say you are my condition,
you are indecision, you,
what is wrong with you? You say you love me
but you don't love me, you say you hate me
but you don't hate me, you say you'd leave me but you can't leave me, because you love me, what's it gonna be, what is wrong with you, what is wrong with me.
Here goes nothing, I just swallowed the pill,
the room's spinning out of control, although I'm lying still.
And those mockingbirds, they're hovering above, they're talking about the trouble with our love.
You say you love me but you don't love me,
you say you hate me but you don't hate me,
you say you'd leave me but you can't leave me, because you love me, what's it
gonna be,
what is wrong with you, what is wrong with me.
Oh my God, I think I've actually lost the plot.
Oh my God, my brain is fried and my nerves are shot.
And why not, you say control me
no don't control me, you say hold me no don't hold me,
you say you'd marry me, but you can't marry me.
Because you love me but you don't love me, because you hate me but you don't hate me, because you'd leave me but you can't leave me,
here come the mockingbirds. You say you love me but you don't love me, you say you need me but you don't need me,
you say you'd leave me but you can't leave me, because you love me,
what's it gonna be, what is wrong with you, what is wrong with me.
Mockingbird (LOW MILLIONS)


Another week is here! My computer decided to mess with me AGAIN. GRRRR! Ah well, it's better now.

Well, here's a delayed update:

Last week Lou and I saw Matchpoint, this independent film that has been making waves in Hollywood. It has the same back-stabbing, huge, English, man-jerk edge that Closer does, but with a twist. Scarlett Johassen has a supporting role. She's beautiful. Anyway, it was a chick flick, but not cheezy. I loved it! Right before we saw it, we went for a late lunch at Jonny Rockets, this diner type burger joint at Square One. It's a really fun place and they play oldies. I couldn't stop laughing. The floats are yummy. Even though it was last week, it was an awesome date.

My weekend was busy but gooood. I saw Big Momma's House II. It was OK, kind of dumb. Everyone says the first one is better, but I wouldn't know.

On Saturday, Lou and I met up with another couple. It was nice. I had coffee in the prettiest mug. Just for the record, Lou can see WHOEVER he wants, WHENEVER he wants, eat WHATEVER he wants, and do ANYTHING he wants. I'm saying this because I heard some disturbing things and will never allow them to happen in my relationship. Love is a we, not a me.

We met up with more friends on Sunday. Friends rock. By last night, I was dead, but it was a nice tired.

Happy first-day-of-the-week!

Thursday, February 02, 2006

A Poem For Police Officers....

I saw this poem and thought of my Dad and older brother. They are new and former men in blue.

Tears of a Cop

I have been where you fear to go...
I have seen what you fear to see...
I have done what you fear to do...
All these things I've done for you.
I am the one you lean upon...
The one you cast your scorn upon...
The one you bring your troubles to...
All these people I've been for you.
The one you ask to stand apart...
The one you feel should have no heart...
The one you call the man in blue...
But I am human just like you.
And through the years I've come to see...
That I'm not what you ask of me...
So take this badge and take this gun...
Will you take it? Will anyone?
And when you watch a person die...
And hear a battered baby cry...
Then so you think that you can be
All those things you ask of me...?