Do you think it's possible to build a future and be in love with a number of different people? Do you think we choose someone who has what we want in a life partner based on our values?
I've been thinking a lot about both views since my friend e-mailed me looking for love advice.
I told her the following:
- Don't look so hard
- The more we look the more we risk finding what we DON'T want.
- It's better to be alone than with the wrong person.
- Realationships are meant to be happy and enjoyable, not hurtful or stressful.
- Think about what qualities you're looking for in a person.
- Develop those qualities in yourself.
- Treat yourself kindly.
- You are OK all by yourself.
I've had my share of loney days, sour break-ups, fights, and good times too. Heartbreak aside, being in love is the greatest feeling in the world. Everything around me becomes sweeter and more alive. Sometimes love doesn't last. When the feeling goes away, it hurts. We are left wondering how something that felt so good before could hurt so much now. We analyse, second guess, cry, and dwell. Sooner or later, we let it go. We move on wiser than we were. Is it worth all the pain we wonder? If we are lucky, love comes again and we risk it all a second time.
I know it does feel different when we meet the right person. We just know. It's not that we're complete or whole, it's that life is better together.
Natalie Merchant says, "Life is sweet, in spite of the misery." I think she meant love too.