Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)...

Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you
I love you so
Much more when you're not here
Watchin all the bad shows
Drinking all of my beer

I don't believe Adam and Eve
Spent every goddamn day together
If you give me some room there will be room enough for two

Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely
I'm tired
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely tonight

I don't wanna wake up with another
But I don't wanna always wake up with you either
No you can't hop into my shower
All I ask for is one ***kin' hour
You taste so sweet
But I can't eat the same thing every day
Cuttin off the phone
Leave me the ***k alone
Tomorrow I'll be beggin' you to come home

Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely
I'm tired
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely tonight

Go away
Come back
Go away
Come back
Why can't I just have it both ways
Go away
Come back
Go away
Come back
I wish you knew the difference
Go away
Come back

Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you
Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you
Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you

Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely
I'm tired
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely tonight

Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely
I'm tired
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely tonight

Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you
I'm tired
Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Leave me alone I'm lonely
Alone I'm lonely
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you
Go away
Give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye
It'll make me want to kiss you.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Chilly days and special friends...

It's bitter, bitter cold. That's why I've stayed inside for the past two days. I really don't like a lot about winter in Canada. Yes, it's pretty at Christmas and on Evergreen trees, but not for four whole months.

My Mom has the stomach flu. Poor Mom....I hope she feels better. The stomach flu is the only condition where I actually wish I were dead. Thankfully that feeling doesn't
last long.
One of my good friends just found out that a brain tumour she had grew back. She's the kind of friend who is hard to find and, consequently, one who sticks around. I'm scared for her and angry at life for being so challenging towards her. I'm scared that she will hurt. When she hurts, I do too.

If you're reading this, please keep my friend in your prayers. She deserves them more than anyone I know.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

I wish I could run...

Run fast.
Run hard.
Run far.
Run short distances.
Run long distances.
Run until I'm tired
Run until I sweat.
Run until I need to catch my breath.
Run until my heart beats fast.
Run until my legs burn.
Run until I feel like I'm going to drop.
Run until my legs burn.
Run until every bone aches.
Run more than I believed possible.
Run until my face is red.
Run past houses.
Run past people.
Run past everything around me.
Run until I find my way back.


Tuesday, January 23, 2007


Today is Tuesday. I'm at the Observer's house - like last Tuesday. Nothing too exciting has been going on. We saw Charlotte's Web. It's a cute, feel-good, movie. The Observer got choked up watching it. That guy can sure turn on the tear tap! I love him.

I'm feeling like a chubby chick today. I know there's more to life than such worries, but I still worry.

It's still cold out. I have school tomorrow. I better dress right. Sometimes I still think I don't need winter gear, even if I do.

I'm going to have a glass of wine; that's one way to stay warm!


Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Not just any piece of cake...

I found this picture in my local paper. It was featured with an article about the family bakery that bakes such cool, detailed cakes - this one included! The cake is edible! It's so intricate and special, I'd feel bad about eating such hard work. This dessert definitely has eye appeal...I wonder how it tastes?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Why coffee matters...(A forward from Mom)

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups. And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee provided to us."

Enjoy your coffee!

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Cold days and words...

It's VERY cold outside
Bitter cold.
We've had very warm weather until now.
I guess we can't complain.
It IS January.

I had to wait a long time for my bus this afternoon.
My feet went numb.
When the taxi driver FINALLY showed up, he was having car troubles.
Poor dude.
No one ASKS for car trouble - especially in this bury weather.

I'm at the Observer's house.
He's watching Young And Restless.
That's his favourite show.
He's watched it since he was young, which is a LONG time.

We fought yesterday.
We don't do it often.
It started out as the Observer being hurt by something I said.
He didn't want to tell me he was hurt.
But I knew.

I said sorry and explained myself.
The Observer was all bent.
Fighting freaks him out.
I need space during fights.
He's different.

We're fine now.
Sometimes fighting is good.
It's honestly.
It's communication.

I can be too blunt at times
Too opinionated.
Too logical.
Too hard.

The Observer is emotional.
A heart thinker.

We're a good mix, I think.
He's my favourite person, even to fight with.


Accoustic #3...

They painted up your secrets
With the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew

And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way

They press their lips against you
And you love the lies they say

And I tried so hard to reach you
But you're falling anyway
And you know I see right through you
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screamin'
You're not listening anyway

What's the point in all this screaming
No one's listening anyway
Your voice is small and fading
And you hide in here unknown

And your mother loves your father
'Cause she's got nowhere to go
And she wonders where these dreams go
'Cause the world got in her way

What's the point in ever trying
Nothing's changing anyway
(No One's Listening Anyway) Goo Goo Dolls

Saturday, January 13, 2007

The case of the (bitter)-sweet pillow angel...

Here is an article on The Ashley Treatment.

If its length scares you, here's a synopsis:

The Facts:

  • Ashley is a child who has a severe cognitive/developmental disability.
  • Ashley can't talk, walk, feed herself, turn over, move around in bed, or do anything for herself.
  • Her intellectual development won't change.
  • Her parents say they love their "pillow angel" and couldn't imagine life without her at home.
  • Ashley is showing signs of early puberty.
  • Ashley's parents say she is reaching the maximum weight and height they can handle.
  • In an effort to improve the quality of Ashley's life and ensure she can be cared for at home, Ashley's parents consulted a surgeon who agreed to perform a hysterectomy, remove her breast buds appendix, and give her hormone therapy to keep her at her current size.
  • Ashley's parents say they are happy with surgery's outcome and Ashley suffered no pain or sense of loss.

The Way I See It:

  • Ashley's father has an answer for everything in his blog. This makes him sound like he's selling the idea, which, if he was truly right, he wouldn't have to.
  • The whole concept is too controversial. Good things are never grey; they are either black or white.
  • The label "pillow angel" seems to dehumanize Ashley.
  • The majority of actions doctors took were based on possibility, not probability.
  • The removal of Ashley's breast buds was to de-sexualize her to prevent care-giver abuse. Again, this is a possibility and not a good reason to take such drastic measures.
  • The implications of Ashley's surgery may not impact Ashley herself as much it will raise questions of ethics and parental control.

Important Questions:

  • Is The Ashley Treatment right?
  • Is this really about what's best for Ashley?
  • Are Ashley's parents acting on selfishness or future fears?
  • Why is Ashley's father so quick to defend his decision?
  • Is acting on possibility, not probability acceptable?

They say don't judge a person if we haven't walked in their shoes, but these shoes just seem to have a lot of holes.


Friday, January 12, 2007

A quote from one of my holiday books...

Parents, if they love you, will hold you safely above their swirling waters, and sometimes that means you'll never know what they endured, and you may treat them unkindly, in a way you otherwise wouldn't.

But there's a story behind everything. How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face. Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heart-breaking. But behind all your stories is your mother's story, because hers is where yours begins.

p. 194

From For One More Day by Mitch Albom

* I love all of Mitch Albom's books. They are sentimental, simply written, and based on complex human relationships. For One More Day will make you appreciate your Mom, which is always good. - OCG*

Thursday, January 11, 2007

From java to ginger ale...

I'm not a big pop drinker. I prefer to get my caffeine fix from coffee.
Lately, I've been drinking more Canada Dry Ginger Ale. My stomach has been giving me some trouble, so I can only handle my morning coffee, plus whatever extra cup I feel up for. This is quite a change for me. I've never had to be "up" for coffee before. I always need it - like we all need water. It's strange. Don't get me wrong; I still love my BIG cup of joe, as soon as I get out of bed in the morning. I have a hunch that once my belly gets calmer, I'll need my usual flow of caffeine. For now though, ginger ale tastes good. It goes down easy, and is milder than other sodas or pops like Coke or Pepsi.
Change of routine is good, I think, especially when our bodies agree. They say ginger helps calm the stomach. There is no actual ginger in ginger ale, but, if it makes me feel better, that's all I care about.
Here's to embracing whatever works!

Monday, January 08, 2007

The "y" in my happyness...

This picture is a bit goofy. It reminded me of myself. It's a bit strange, but positive - the way I like to think I come across to others. Being that the picture is orange, of course I like it.
Today I ate too much. See, I tried really hard to eat less and it backfired. Any plans involving ignoring hungry usually do.
Those extra holiday pounds drive me crazy. Actually, I can't think of anyone who likes them. I keep telling myself that I will be OK, but it's hard. I want the extra weight gone now. My mind doesn't handle extra weight well; either do my jeans. I'll be OK, right?
I saw The Pursuit of Happyness with the Observer. He knew I would love it, and I did. I think I know why there is a "y" in the spelling of "happyness" My theory is that the letter "y" represents the idea that everyone who achieves happyness does so for a big reason that keeps driving them to succeed, even when the odds are stacked against them. In the case of Chris Gardener, the main character, he was driven to provide and be a stable parent for his son because he lacked an active father growing up himself. It was a very inspiring movie that left me choked up a number of times....if you haven't seen The Pursuit of Happyness, you should!
I was thinking about what the "y" in my happyness could be. I'm already quite happy, but once I finish school, get a job, and settle down, maybe that's when I'll experience true happyness. If I get to that stage of life, it will be due to the amazing support and encouragement I get from my family, friends and, of course, the Observer. My parents never sold me short, even though my life is a bit more challenging than average. I'm grateful for their faith in me. They helped me have faith in myself. I still do, even though my jeans are a bit tight, but I'll be OK.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Every day...

Pick me up, oh,
from the bottom
Up to the top, love,
Pay no mind to taunts or advances
I take my chances on everyday...

Love it up on everyday
All you need is
All you want is
All you need is love.
All you need is
What you want is
All you need is love.
EVERYDAY (Dave Mathews)

Every day I wake up and wait for a knock.

Every day I say, "Good Morning" to the person who walks through my door.

Every day I brush my teeth.

Every day I have a cup of coffee.

Every day I use the bathroom.

Every day I say, "I love you."

Every day I tell myself that I won't eat junk.

Every day I eat junk.

Every day I read the paper.

Every day I talk to my parents.

Every day I worry about getting fat.

Every day I listen to the radio.

Every day I see people in my neighbourhood needing money or food.

Every day I talk to the Observer.

Every day I write something.

Every day I try to have a plan.

Every day I take pills.

Every day I use an online calorie counter.

Every day I wish I could stop worrying about food.

Every day I close my eyes and another day begins.

Every day I say, "Thank You."

Every day I laugh.

Every day I feel sad, even just for one second.

Every day I think about the future.

Every day I look out my window.

Every day I see something different.


Thursday, January 04, 2007

A thought worth thinking...

"I have a life analogy. It's like hugging a cactus. The more you hold on — the more you force life — the more painful it is. When you surrender and accept, you let go of the cactus. Just let go, and be free."

- A quote from Alex, who has HIV/AIDS.

Four With The Courage To Go On,The Toronto Star. January 4, 2007.