Friday, May 25, 2007

To remember...

I am tired. My eyes are heavy and puffy. Maybe they are a bit red too. I am looking forward to sleep.

Have you ever thought you were OK with an event in your life and than you realize that you're still hurting? I mean, you're not in the midst of grief, but you still ache just a little?

Yesterday the Observer asked, "If I die will you come to my funeral?" I said yes without a thought. My mind wandered to the last funeral I went to. I remembered feeling like I was floating out of my body to some other strange surreal place. I remember a weird shaky sensation and a dry mouth. I remember a faint humming sound, my gage that told me I was still alive. I remember the feeling of air being sucked out of me and wanting to scream that I couldn't breathe. I remember thinking that if the pain didn't ease a little, I wanted to die myself.

I remember that funeral, because I lost someone I loved. Someone told me that funerals are for the living. It's true. I believe we should never miss the opportunity to honour someone we love, even if our hearts are broken because that person is gone.

Now I am off to bed. In my dreams will be all the people in my life that I love. Not far away from those dreams will be the people that I loved and lost.


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