Tuesday, August 28, 2007


Summer is almost gone.
So sad.
I enjoyed these last few months.
Stay sunshine.
Fresh air.
Painted toenails.
Long, warm nights.
No coats.
Air conditioning.
Ice cream trucks.
Open windows.
Holiday weekends.
No car or bus
Just feet (or wheels!)
Family dinners.
Late nights.
Reading outside.
Darker evenings.
Seasons change.
None last forever.
But I wish...

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Sunday, sunday...

It's just after 7 a.m. - pretty early for me to be awake on a Sunday. It's actually peaceful. My radio is playing Weak In The Knees by Serena Ryder. It's a good song, but really over-played. Serena Ryder has a new tune that I like better, but the radio stations haven't made it a hit song yet, though I'm sure it won't take long. Eventually the new tune will be over-played too, but I'll probably have moved on to another less popular song. So goes the cycle of music I, I suppose.

The Observer and I saw the movie Hairspray on Friday. It's very entertaining and nostalgic in a way. Life seemed so simple and also a bit complex, segregation being a central theme since the plot took place in the 1960s. Maybe it was John Travolta in a fat suit playing a woman that made the film so comforting and funny. Maybe part of the movie's appeal was also the idea of close families where the mother was nurturing and the head of the household, something we don't often get exposure to in movies or books now. Being a musical, Hairspray was one of the flicks that drew me in quickly. It was like eating a potato chip. Once I started watching it, I didn't want to stop. I know the movie wasn't the Observer's favourite, but I did seem him smiling and tapping his fingers a few times, so it couldn't have been that bad.

I'm going to a 50th anniversary reception for the Observer's family today, hence the reason for my early morning. It should be a fun day. I do have a very sore throat and sound a bit husky, so people who don't know me might think I'm a bit strange.

I didn't see the Observer yesterday. I miss him. He's adjusting very well to his new apartment. I'm proud of him. Moving out and dealing with attendants is not easy, but I'm impressed with his resolve and determination to make it work. Given today's event, I was thinking about what it would be like to be married for 50 years and I suppose it also takes resolve and determination. I hope to someday celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary too. We should all be so blessed.


Sunday, August 19, 2007

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Quotes from Appetites...

"...There is no escape from the fact that at any moment because of any number of things, events, people, your life can change completely...There is no such thing as finding safety outside yourself, not even in the earth." (221)

"Life itself is a huge, temporary gift." (235)

"Live my life only as I can live it, or live a lie." (236)

"The purpose of life is not to be safe. It is to be open. To be dedicated to the truth, to the joy as it streams through your life. Because if you are not, then no matter what you have, you will always want more, you will be forever hungry. And if you are, than no matter what happens, you will one day discover that it is you who you have been hungering for. It has been you, not the food you eat, the clothes you buy, the people you love, the money you make. For lifetimes, for eons, for as long as it takes for a mountain to become a mountain, it has always been you. You are the feast.
You." (237)

By Geneen Roth

Sunday, August 12, 2007


If your heart is breaking
If you've been hurt,
If you've been left,
It will get better.

If you've been deceived,
If you've been drowning in grief,
If you've been betrayed.
Be gentle with yourself.

If you are discouraged,
If you feel unsure,
If you are struggling,
If you can only see darkness,
Hang in.

If you feel lonely,
If you feel down,
If you don't know which way to turn,
Keep moving.

If you thought you knew where you were going,
But got lost along the way,
If you're looking for something you can't seem to find,
Keep searching.

If you're losing hope,
If looking to tomorrow seems impossible,
Because you are struggling with today,
If the future seems mysterious,
Don't worry,
There is always a way.


Friday, August 10, 2007


So here I sit typing. It's Friday afternoon and the sun is shining brightly outside. I am a bit tired. I have had many late nights this week, but don't mind at all. I have seen my family and a few close friends, which makes a little sleep deprivation all worthwhile. The Observer is moving out of his parents' house next week. Moving out for anyone is a huge step. For the Observer, it's a momentous occasion. He has lived at home for thirty years. That is all he knows.

Leaving home for the first time is a bittersweet experience for a lot of young people, I suppose. It means freedom and independence; it means choice, control and a sense of who we are, what we like, and the opportunity to build the life we envision for ourselves. On the other hand, leaving home is a bit scary, strange and surreal, as you inevitably come to the realization that you can do anything you want. You can have chocolate cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. You can crank up the tunes on your radio and dance like a freak. You can leave the lights off while you are watching T.V. You can shrink your sweaters and burn your dinner. Like all firsts in life, there is an element of mystery and fear because you have no form of reference to tell yourself you know what to do.

The Observer is one sensitive dude. He wears his heart on his sleeve and is not afraid to show emotion. While it is rather refreshing to know someone like that, sometimes I tell him to toughen up. That dude will melt like an ice cream come at a sappy commercial, movie or song.

Like myself, the Observer needs attendant care daily to help with activities of daily living. I have learned that while most people who work in health-care related professions are caring, concise and helpful, there are some I could do without. I tell myself that the majority of people in the world are good, and once in a while, we need a less-than-wonderful person to show us that it's easier to be good than not. To learn that regardless of how considerate, accommodating and polite we are, there are those who will choose to be negative, rude and just plain persnickety is tough to swallow . Learning the lesson happened for me when I left the nest. I'm guessing the Observer will experience the same revelation.

I worry about people groaning when he asks for assistance, being sloppy with their work, and just plain not giving two flicks of a switch about him. The Observer is almost as cool and groovy as me, so I'm thinking that this will be advantageous. People are generally kind and caring when we offer them the same in return.

Firsts for everything are significant. From the first time we go to school, take a trip on a plane, get stung by a bee, our first date, first glass of wine, first exam, and first broken heart, we remember all of it well. In the movie Evening, there is a quote that says something like , "We remember our first mistake like we remember all the other firsts in life." I think that is true; however, since I rarely make mistakes, I can't remember my first one. Well, it's a foggy recollection at best.

I really value my independence and sense of space. I like being the lady of the house. I don't mind quiet or sitting alone in a coffee shop people watching and collecting my thoughts. Some people think that's odd and that I seem socially reclusive when I engage in solo coffee-shop-people watching or when I sit alone for hours reading, but I like it. Don't get me wrong: I also enjoy hanging out with my friends and good heart-to-heart conversation. I'm a girl who can swing between flying solo and flying on a full plane easily, and both make me happy.

I hope the Observer finds peace and contentment in his own four walls. I hope he learns to shrug off a less-than-sunshiny attendant and know that no one has the right to ruin his good day. Living alone is a fantastic experience but it has bumps in the road. Bumps are just challenges to help us grow.

Recently, I heard the following from Leonard Cohen, "Everything has cracks. That is how the light gets in."

Find the light wherever you may be .


Wednesday, August 01, 2007

take a breather.....

there is a fly in my apartment. he's been here a while. he won't bite. i know that. he's been landing everywhere - on my kitchen table, on my stereo, on the ceiling in every room, on the counter-top, and anywhere he fancies. maybe he will lose oxygen and go to a better place. sometimes that happens to flies who stick around out of their natural surroundings for too long. it's a bit sad, but it's how the world works, right?

i am reading i know why the caged bird sings by maya angelou. i love her poetry, but i'm embarrassed to admit that i've read few of her novels, including this one. it's good, even though there are disturbing parts. i just came to a part where the character is raped, so i decided it was a good time to take a breather.

speaking of taking a breather, the observer isn't getting much of one these days. he is overloaded and stressed with plans to move into his first apartment. having moved twice myself, i feel for the guy. firsts of anything are scary, especially starting a new phase of life. i am excited for him and know he will be glad he decided to move out once he is settled.

there are little red ants crawling on my wall in the kitchen. yuck! what is this?????? a bug zoo or buggery? stop bugging me, bugs! take a breather from my apartment; like i took a breather from using capitals. it feels good.

- ocg