Friday, September 28, 2007


Fall is here. It took me a bit to accept the change of season. I love summer. It's never long enough if you ask me. Life is more warm, easier to handle, and just fun in the summer. It's not perfect though. There are sun burns, bees, wasps, boating, swimming, or other weather related mishaps. We can't have it all, can we?

Autumn is very pretty, especially with the leaves changing colour. There's a lot of orange around too, which I love. Pumpkins are fun. I'm not a big Halloween fan, but seeing kids dress up warms my heart. The cheap candy that stocks the drugstore shelves is a plus. Everything is crisp. I enjoy a little wind in the air to keep me alert and don't mind wearing a wind-breaker.

Maybe fall isn't that bad, but I dread the winter. I'm not a fan of winter coats, but I don't know many people who are. Christmas is the best part of winter. I love being with my family and loved ones over the holidays. It IS comforting to be cozy indoors and enjoy good company.

Seasons show us that there is good in everything if we choose to find it. Seasons are proof that everything changes, but nothing is ever really gone forever.

So, I'm going to enjoy fall and winter. I will miss spring and summer, but they will be back.


Sunday, September 23, 2007


Home. We all have one - or at least I hope we do. Imagine if we didn't. That would just be wrong. Everyone needs a home. Everyone deserves a safe place to be. Everyone deserves the chance to love their family. Everyone deserves to be warm. Everyone deserves a shower. Everyone deserves water.

I just came back from my home. I've been away for a few days. There were some plumbing problems in my apartment. The pipes were in trouble, as was the toilet, the floor, and the wall tiles. I went home, because well, a girl needs a toilet. It was a refreshing break. My family is one of a kind. I know I say that all the time, but I can't say it enough.

Where would I have gone if I couldn't go home????????? I shudder to think. I am lucky that I had a place to go, and even luckier to be around people I love. Home is where my family is. There is little else in life that I am so sure of.


Saturday, September 15, 2007


Babies are amazing. Their innocence. Sweetness. Unconditional love. Smell. Trust. Yawn. The way the hook their fingers around yours. Their smile. Their noises. Their laugh.

As much as I love babies, I'm not sure if I'll ever be a mother. If I wasn't disabled, then I'd have a baby for certain. No question. Hands down. I'd jump right in when the time was right. However, because both the Observer and myself have physical challenges, we aren't sure if it's in the cards for us to be parents.

How can we look after such a little person when we need help ourselves????????? Is it fair to be brought into the world and have many different people helping you with things your parents normally do???????????? Would I be as close to my child as able-bodied parents???????? Would my child be deprived because of the physical things I can't do for them?????????? Would I be selfish to have a child???????????

So many questions. I'm learning that it's best to just wait and see. In the end, life sometimes makes decisions for us. Whatever happens, I have love in my life, and for that, I am blessed.


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

More to chew on...

From When Food Is Love...

Being in a relationship is painful. But it's real pain. It's not the pain of wanting someone who doesn't want you, nor is it the pain of trying to fix someone's life so that they can see the truth - or you.......Real pain happens when you strip away what's standing between you and being awake. It's the gritty pain of growing up..........It's the pain of shaking off what you've taken on and and isn't yours so that you can step into a glimmer of a life that is yours.

The pain of a compulsion is not real pain. Neither is the pain of being with an unavailable or abusive partner. I don't mean to say that you don't hurt, only the pain is piled on top of a deeper, truer, pain. There is original pain, pain of loss, loneliness, sorrow, fear. There is pain and there is pain on top of pain. Healing is about opening up the wound and letting it heal from the inside out, exposing it to the wind and sun and time, not piling bandages on it and screaming each time your skin gets caught in the adhesive tape.

p. 197

The nature of obsession is that it protects you from the truth.

p. 197

Geneen Roth

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

From When Food Is Love...

*Commit yourself.
*Tell the truth.
*Trust yourself.
*Pain ends, and so does everything else.
*Laugh easily.
*Cry easily.
*Have patience.
*Be willing to be vulnerable.
*When you notice that you are clinging to anything and it's causing trouble, drop it.
*Be willing to fail.
*Don't let fear stop you from leaping into the unknown or from sitting in dark silence.
*Remember that everything gets lost, stolen, ruined, worn out, or broken: bodies sag and wrinkle: everyone suffers; and everyone dies.
*No act of love is ever wasted.

- p. 209

It matters whether you see yourself as someone who is capable of effecting change or whether you see yourself as someone whose voice does not count. It matters whether you treat yourself with reverence or with carelessness. Every bit of work you do on yourself matters. Every time you choose love, it matters.

- 204

When food is love, love is hard and lacquer-shiny. Love is outside of you, another thing to acquire and make yours. When love is love, there is nothing standing between you and your breaking heart.

Love moves you. And that is good.

- 205

The only thing worse than staying is leaving. I can't get away from myself.

- 203

Geneen Roth

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I'm Grateful For...

* Sunny days

* Salmon

* My health

* Second Cup coffee

* Spur-of-the-moment plans with friends

* Fridays

* Being able to visit the Observer at his apartment

* My family

* Dove body wash

* Weekends at home

* Living downtown and being close to places/entertainment/coffee shops

* The comforter on my bed

* Having air-conditioning

* Sweet people

* Gum

* Love

* Late-night phone conversations

* Watching music movies from my favourite bands

* When my family says that they miss me