Wednesday, April 30, 2008

A quick judgement...

I'm looking outside the window of my sun room. I just saw a suspicious looking dude. Actually "suspicious" might not be the right word. Why should I be suspicious, right? He's just walking down the street looking as though he is.......struggling. He looks dishevelled. He's wearing a toque. (It's not that cold.) His socks are pulled up showing his bare knees and he's walking like he's unbalanced. The dude seems off. I'm judging a stranger based on looks and from seeing a second of his behaviour. I'm not being fair. I know that.

Who knows the dishevelled dude's history? Is he homeless? Does he have psychological issues? A drug problem? A physical condition? Was he in some type of accident? Maybe he's just down on his luck.

Who knows? Who am I to judge??? I know that's exactly what I did. I hate when people judge me, but maybe it's just a fault of human nature. No one is perfect, though I will try to be a little more accepting.


Thursday, April 24, 2008

The world outside my window...

I'm tired today. Last night was a sleepless one for me. No one enjoys those nights. My stomach was giving me troubles. It's better now, so I am happy about that. The sun is shinning. We have had beautiful weather the last few days - very spring-like. People are outside more and the streets are busier. I like it that way. No winter coats is heaven!

My plan for today was to go and visit the Observer at his apartment, but I'm having transportation issues. Buses can be a pain. Don't get me wrong; I really appreciate living in such an accessible city where I am afforded such freedom to go out, but sometimes the rules around booking rides are frustrating.

I'm keeping my windows open. It's too early for air conditioning and the air is pretty stale. I hear so many bits and pieces of conversation,s car engines and movement I never noticed before. If you can't tell, I'm feeling sorry for myself today, but listening to all that action outside my window makes me realize that life doesn't stop just because we're having a rough time and that is good.


Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I'm grateful for...

* My parents and all they bring to my life

* The pink plant on my windowsill

* The Observer and his easy going nature

* My drug benefit card

* The time I spend with my family


All I need...

Here it comes
it’s all blowing in tonight
I woke up this morning to a blood red sky
They’re burning on the bridge turning off the lights

We’re on the run I can see it in your eyes
If nothing is safe then I don’t understand
You call me your boy but I’m trying to be the man
One more day and it’s all slipping with the sand

You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand
The back of my hand
Guess we both know we’re in over our heads
We got nowhere to go and no home that’s left

The water is rising on a river turning red
It all might be ok or we might be dead
If everything we’ve got is slipping away

I meant what I said when I said until my dying day
I’m holding on to you, holding onto me
Maybe it’s all gone black but you’re all I see
You’re all I see

The walls are shaking,
I hear them sound the alarm
Glass is breaking so don’t let go of my arm
Grab your bags and a picture of where we met

All that we’ll leave behind and all that’s left
If everything we’ve got is blowing away
We’ve got a rock and a rock till our dying day

I’m holding on to you, holding on to me
Maybe it’s all we got but it’s all I need
You’re all I need
And if all we’ve got is what no one can break

I know I love you
If that’s all we can take
The tears are coming down
They’re mixing with the rain

I know I love you, if that’s all we can take
A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground
We’re eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down
The TV’s playing it all out of town

We’re grabbing at the fray for something that won’t drown.

- Matt Kearney

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Sun, moon and a little adventure...

Well, spring is finally here! For now, at least. People seem to be happier, more energetic and just brighter. Sun can do that I suppose.

My weekend has been fun so far. I saw the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It was HILARIOUS! I laughed my head off! It's a watcher!

The Observer and I went exploring last night. We drove in our wheelchairs from my apartment to the CN tower, which is one long trek. It was fun until the Observer had wheelchair troubles and couldn't move well. We made it home thanks to some kind strangers. We went out looking for adventure and certainly found it.

Today I visited with my family. I miss them already! There's a full moon out tonight. I'm glad I got to see it.

It's time for bed.

Goodnight, goodnight, wherever you are..............


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Times They Are A-Changin'

Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown

And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again

And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.

For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall

For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.

It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.

Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command

Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.

The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast

As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.

- Bob Dylan

Saturday, April 12, 2008

A nightt at a coffee shop...

It's 11 p.m on Saturday night. I'm feeling yucky and weird. My stomach is acting up, as it has been often doing lately. I make these odd gurgling, churns that sound as though I swallowed a cat. It's gross and bizarre, but not the worst problem to have in the world, and like everything in life, it passes.

Tonight the Observer and I went to Starbucks. Being a downtown popular hang-out on weekends, empty tables are rare. Starbucks has a new table designated for people who use wheelchairs. It's handy, but sometimes I feel a bit guilty when others leave on our account, but this isn't often.

I had trouble getting in the proper position at the table because chairs were in the way. A kind stranger noticed me struggling and stopped to help. She spent about five minutes moving chairs for me. I kept saying sorry and she told me not to. That girl is the kind of person who resembled those I call friends. We only had a brief meeting, but I won't forget her for a while.

The Observer ordered his iced coffee first. I like a few minutes to ponder my choice. After he finished his drink, the Observer knew I really wanted coffee, but was unsure if my unsettled stomach could handle a surge of java power. I also didn't want to cause a production getting out of the spot that I had found after so much effort. The Observer sweetly ordered me a decaf and it was on the house.

Even though I feel yucky, I enjoyed the time at Starbucks. There's a sign in the store near me that says, "Life happens over coffee." I agree.


Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Three years...

Today the Observer and I celebrated our three year anniversary. It was a special day. Our history this far has been the best I've shared with anyone yet. The Observer is the only person I loved without even trying. I loved him automatically. He is the kindest soul I know.

We've been through many of life's ups and downs in the last thirty six months. I'm grateful for all of his support and love. He has shown me that he is a top quality friend and companion. I trust him.

I have had some strong examples of lasting love in my family starting with my parents' 33 year marriage and my sister's nine year relationship with her soon-to-be husband. They have shown me how sweet life can be when we share it with someone we truly care for. I'm pretty sure that love changes with time and experience. Hopefully, if love is true, it deepens.

Thinking about the last three years with the Observer, I think we've had a great start.


Saturday, April 05, 2008

Closer to Free...

Everybody wants to live
How they wanna live
And everybody wants to love
Like they wanna love
And everybody wants to be
Closer to Free

Everybody wants respect
Just a little bit
And everybody needs a chance
Once in a while
Everybody wants to be Closer to Free

Everybody one
Everybody two
Everybody free
Everybody needs to touch
You know now and then
And everybody wants a good good friend
Everybody wants to be
Closer to Free

Everybody wants to live
How they want to live
And everybody wants to love
Who they want to love
And everybody wants to be
Closer to Free.

* By the BoDeans (from the Party of Five Soundtrack)

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Sounds in darkness...

Can you hear anything?
I can.
Feet moving.
Cars whizzing.
Horns honking.
Lights changing.
Street-cars stopping.
Stomach churning.
Doors swinging open.
Engines working