Thursday, July 31, 2008

My daily cup of frivoloulity...

I am sitting in semi-darkness. I am too lazy to turn on a light. While that is embarrassing to admit, it does conserve energy.

For the last three days, I have bought a Starbucks coffee. Being such a coffee lover, this doesn't seem all that shocking, right? Well, a cup of coffee is not something I try to make a daily purchase. I normally make my coffee since it saves money and ensures it's the way I like it. Lately though, I have been caving in and going for a house coffee with soy milk and two Splendas. I feel like a high maintenance coffee drinker just typing that. All three coffees have been a treat, even though I feel frivolous. I will probably have Starbucks tomorrow and then try to break my streak. Maybe I'll replace my coffee purchase with buying a different vegetable every day. It would be healthy and more practical. They do say that a moderate amount of coffee every day cuts one's risk of cancer by about thirteen percent. I doubt this statistic applies only to Starbucks coffee, but one can always wonder.....


Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The long way home...

I got lost today. I am used to it. My sense of direction has never been very sharp. I turned a different way than usual and the change threw me off. Living smack dab in the middle of the city means there are a lot of ways to end up having no idea where one is located. I don't even need options; I can easily lose my way. Thankfully, I rarely panic when wandering my neighbourhood - maybe because I spend so much time exploring. Wouldn't you think this would make it less likely for me to get lost? Sometimes I am even a puzzle to myself.

My afternoon turned out to be quite an adventure. I discovered just how big the city I live in really is. The sky looked suspiciously gray and I could feel my stomach start to get upset. Rumbles came from the sky and inside of me but both held out.

I believe we gain a lot from losing our way in the physical and spiritual sense. We learn things we may have missed if we kept along the familiar path. There is also a great feeling of comfort and confidence that comes with finding our way home.

Wherever you are, I hope you feel at home.


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I must choose a shoe...

I bought new shoes today. They are for warm, summer weather. I'm not sure if I am going to keep my new shoes. The summer is half over. Is it really smart to buy summer shoes now? Will I really get to wear them for long?
The Observer is pretty certain that I will return my shoes. He knows me well. I have a habit of returning many of my purchases. Before deciding on a purchase, I ask myself the following: Do I really need this? Do I really like it? Am I really going to use it? I want to be smart with my money and make practical investment choices.

I think I need more versatile shoes - a pair that I can wear during all seasons. Maybe I had to buy this pair of summery shoes so that now I know exactly what I am looking for, which makes buying them this afternoon worthwhile even if I return them. They say sometimes it's easier to know what we don't want as opposed to what we do want. Basic principles of life can apply anywhere, anytime. There is something to be gained from everything, even when it comes to choosing shoes. In my case, I have such a hard time making up my mind. Shoes are shoes - it's where we take them that counts.


Monday, July 28, 2008

A doubley good morning...

My brother came to visit today. He showed up right after I had a shower and got dressed. It was such a pleasant way to start my day. My brother is a police officer and lives as far away from my parents as I do but on the other side of town - quite challenging for me to get to on my own. I got up late this morning and he called to say he would bring me coffee. My attendant who was helping me with my morning routine was new and slower than usual. She was sweet and meticulous, but I was worried that I wouldn't be ready when my brother came knocking. I know I looked stressed she got me ready. I kept thinking, please hurry up, you need to move now! but I didn't want to say that, so I worried silently. Hopefully she couldn't read my anxiety on my face. When people rush, sometimes we make mistakes which only delays us from accomplishing goals, so maybe it was for the best that I concealed my concern.

My brother is one of the kindest, most down-to-earth dudes in my life. Talking to him for a minute can remind me of what is important in the big scheme of things. He's one of my favourite people.

I always start my day with a big cup of coffee. I don't always start my day visiting with my brother and having coffee, so that made my morning extra special.


Sunday, July 27, 2008

Quality tube time...

I don't know what to say. My day is almost over. The Observer came to visit. We had a nice day. The plan was to go to dinner at my favourite local Italian restaurant. Since my stomach is a bit off, we decided to postpone our dinner plans. I hope the Observer didn't mind. He's too sweet to say so. We hung out and chatted for the afternoon. After dinner we made a Starbucks stop. My coffee was delicious and hit the spot. I owe the Observer his favourite iced coffee on our next coffee date. We got a bit wet coming home, but it was worth it.

I watched some of Big Brother 10, the Observer's favourite show. Never having seen it before, it was hard for me to gage the competition, but I did notice a few blond girls. They are probably part of why the Observer enjoys the show so much. After Big Brother 10, we watched Celebrity Rehab, another show I had never seen. It was interesting - reality TV for the troubled rich and famous. I don't normally watch those types of TV shows at that time, but sometimes it's not what you watch on TV that counts, but who you watch TV with.



I am there each morning
I am there each fall
I don't know why this thing happened
But this much is clear
Be aware
I am there.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

To good health...

I was having a pity party for myself this afternoon. My stomach was really giving me a rough time. I took drastic measures (that are too personal and invasive to name) and they failed. When my only-in-the-event-of-an-emergency tactics backfire, I get very stressed. I was home visiting my parents and was very grumpy. Being that I only see them about once a week, I try to visit in high spirits. Mom and Dad understand my stomach issues but I hate behaving miserably around them. They deserve a happy daughter. Their puppy Sophie made me laugh. She loves to lick my ears. A dog's tongue is sure tickley when it's inside an ear canal. It's impossible not to squeal.

I left for home in less than chirpier spirits, which makes me sad. Now I feel much better, so I wish I could rewind the end of our visit and change my mood from gloomy to sunny. It's a beautiful night outside so I guess all I can do is enjoy it. The world is so much brighter when we are feeling healthy. Sometimes it takes time and effort to reach this stage, but I can't think of anything more worthwhile than achieving wellness. Doing so makes everything around us meaningful, especially the sensation of having a puppy lick one's ear.


Friday, July 25, 2008

Living it up...

Friday has arrived! The sun is shinning. All signs point to a good day. The streets are full of people. I hear trucks. I've had a good morning. I'm full. I just ate two English muffins and some dried apricots. I'm going to burst.

Yesterday the Observer and I had fun afternoon. We went to a coffee shop and talked. I love those kind of dates. He was trying to resist buying dessert. I admired his strength, but could tell he really wanted a sweet treat. With my urging, he finally bought himself an apple sundae, which looked yummy. I believe in splurging, even though I probably do so more than I should. Depriving oneself only causes a stronger craving, so I say it's best to give into the occasional treat to avoid an even bigger splurge down the road.

I had a yummy, frothy cappuccino courtesy of the sweet Observer. I loved it! I'm not a big fan of fancy coffees but do enjoy the odd cappuccino. After finishing my coffee and slurping up every last bit of foamy goodness, I still felt the need for a regular coffee, so I got one. Cappuccinos have one shot of espresso and taste quite sweet. Being a big fan of strong coffee, the fancy java leaves me craving the plainer, bolder tastes. Don't get me wrong; both kinds of coffee are delicious, but they are even more delicious when drank consecutively. Of course, the double dose created quite the buzz. I felt a bit jumpy and it took me a bit to fall asleep, but I didn't mind at all. We only live once, so over-caffeinating occasionally is worth a mild case of the jitters.


Thursday, July 24, 2008

My best friend...

My oldest and closest friend is in Africa. She's a world traveller. Two years ago she went to teach and take pictures in Japan. As a professional photographer, I know how valuable her trip is to her career, her growth as a person and her outlook on life in general. Those who see the world see much. I'm so proud of my friend. To be in a different country must be so exciting - both in the good and scary way. She isn't scared of much and loves adventure. Everyone who loves her worries about her. We all miss her. She knows it. My friend also knows that travelling is what she needs to do for herself right now, that she won't be happy unless she is on the move and that life is one big opportunity that she isn't going to waste.

I miss my old friend tonight. I'd love to sit and talk with her. What is she doing right this moment? I am a bit sad, but I hope she is happy, healthy and safe. I am positive that my friend can survive on her own, but being alone can't be easy, no matter how independent one is. Hopefully someone is taking care of my special buddy when she is homesick or needs help. That's all I ask of the other side of the world.


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

To talk or gossip???

I'm looking out my window. It's just starting to get dark. There are people on their bikes. The air is cooler than I thought. These days it's hard to know the temperature or weather unless you go outside.

I met an old friend for dinner tonight. It was fun and good to catch up. I was able to wheel to the restaurant, which is always so convenient. Life doesn't always work that way, but when it does, I am always grateful. Living downtown can be loud and slightly unsafe, but the benefits certainly out number the not-so-great parts.

Gossiping is something I try to avoid. I'm very curious and ask lots of questions. I guess I can be a busy body. I don't look for information to use against people, which would be gossiping. Whenever I get together with a female friend, we end up talking about mutual friends/acquaintances. We update each other on what we know and predict about their lives. Is that gossipping? We refrain from being mean but we can be judgemental. There's where the line between passing information and digging dirt gets crossed. On the flip side, if we just talked about ourselves, wouldn't that be very self-indulgent and pretty boring? Maybe talking about others is OK, but ripping them apart is wrong.

I see lots of men walking down the street this evening carrying bags that resemble purses. In my area, men carrying purses wouldn't that strange. A man wearing a skirt would be quite common too. I don't mean to gossip...........


Adventures in coffee...

I made three purchases today. I bought romaine lettuce, cinnamon English muffins and a Tim Hortons coffee. Wait, it gets more exciting. After buying my coffee, I sat at a table in the shop and struggled to open my coffee. I could feel eyes on me. I've felt them before in coffee shops. Sometimes people offer to move chairs at a table, so I can sit closer or sometimes they ask to help me open my lid. I appreciate every gesture. It's heartwarming and reminds me that people are mostly good. However, a part of me gets a bit tired of telling people, "Thanks anyway, but I'm OK," See, I've opened thousands of coffees, sat at many coffee shops, and drank coffee through a straw countless times. I don't really need to be told that it's hot, but it's sweet that people are concerned. After struggling with countless coffee lids, I have realized that, even though it may be challenging, I can open them, so please let me. Yes, it may be tough, but if I can do something on my own, I want to.

There have been times when people have insisted on helping me and won't take no for an answer - like today. This funky looking man who needed a good shower came over to my table and said my coffee was too hot and the lid needed to come off. Hoping to shift his attention, I asked him to move the chair. Nice try. Before I could stop him, the lid on my coffee was off. Lidless coffees make me nervous. They are a big spilling risk. Strange men touching my coffee make me more nervous. How do I know where his hands have been?

I came home and looked at myself in the mirror. After sticking my tongue out, I realized it was green. What if I contracted some strange disease? Not likely, I know. At least the guy's intentions were good, even though he wasn't the best listener.


Monday, July 21, 2008

Getting up on the right side of the bed...

I'm not a grouch today. A good sleep fixed me up. My transportation issues got sorted out. Thank goodness. Yesterday I got to see the Observer and some friends for lunch. The company was sweet and the food was yummy - a double bonus.

I went to visit my parents for the later part of the day. Seeing their new puppy made me so happy. Her name is still not decided. Phoebe and Sophie are top contenders. Phoebe would be my choice, but she's not my dog. I'm so in love with her. She was bounding down the hall, which looks funny since she is so small. When I held her, she was so squirmy. She wants to chew everything. I think the puppy is going through oral fixation, just like babies do. I miss her. What if the puppy grows too fast and I'm not around to see her while she's little? I need to go home again soon.

I was grumpy to my family, which I regretted the second I left. They knew I was tired, but still. When the world is full of families, people like the Observer, coffee, lunch times with friends, puppies, good books, family meals, sunshine and love, what's a bit of tiredness?


Sunday, July 20, 2008

A gloomy day...

I'm really tired and grumpy today. It's rainy and gloomy - just like my mood. My sleep was not top notch and I am having transportation issues. These are not the worst problems in the world, but I am just feeling sorry for myself. My Mom is so full of common sense. When she states the obvious in a frustrating situation, it makes me feel worse. It reminds me of someone saying that it's raining and I'll get really wet if I go outside. You think???

This is just one day. Whatever happens, I'll be alright. The rain will stop, the sun will be come out and I'll get a good sleep. There's always tomorrow, even if today kind of sucks.


Saturday, July 19, 2008

Raindrops kept falling on my pants...

I'm sitting in crunchy capri pants. You know when you have rain soaked pants that crunch whenever you move? That's what I'm talking about. On the way to meet the Observer and his friend, I got caught in a very heavy downpour. All of a sudden, the ski opened up. Since I use an electrically powered wheelchair, I figured the safest option would be to take cover under a restaurant roof. I stayed there for about fifteen minutes and watched huge droplets hit the pavement. It's kind of pretty how raindrops hit the ground. It's pure and unstoppable, which can only be said about a few things these days. I enjoyed watching some people take shelter wherever possible while others were OK getting very wet. Rain pours when it wants to on whoever is around, so we might as well get wet occasionally. There no other way to get crunchy pants.


Friday, July 18, 2008

Puppy love...

My parents got a new puppy. I think her name is Sophie. I am going to meet her for the first time today. I'm excited! There's nothing like a new puppy. I haven't held a squirmy, licking, energetic dog in ages. I have seen a picture of Sophie and she's super sweet, which is probably true of most puppies. When it comes to young, living creatures like babies and young animals, they seem to view the world as one big exciting adventure. Everything is intriguing and mysterious. It reminds me not to take anything for granted. I remember to pay attention to the outdoors and what is going on around me. We miss a lot of beauty and insight by overlooking what is right in front of us. I have a hunch that it's going to be tough not to pay attention to my parents' new puppy. Like everything in life, dogs only stay small for so long, so Sophie deserves a lot of attention.


Thursday, July 17, 2008

A lapse in politeness...

I kept my air conditioning off all day. It wasn't too hot outside. It's just past 11:30 p.m. and I started feeling hot. I switched it onto medium. The air is cooling off in my apartment. I brought some cherries today and ate the whole bag. I always do that. My grandma calls foods like cherries "go-for foods" - you eat one and go for another (in my case, another forty!) Afterwards I felt a bit funky.

I guess that can happen from overdosing on anything. I had a session with my
physiotherapist today. Next to my Dad, my brothers, and the Observer, my physiotherapist is one of the kindest guys I know. He's just an all around good dude. For the past five years he's ended every session by asking me what I have planned for the weekend ahead. Upon answering, I usually ask him the same question. Not today. Later tonight I remembered not asking him his plans. How rude and self absorbed of me not to inquire when he did so for me. Maybe the heat or too many cherries froze my brain.


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The tide of life...

It's another sunny hump day. Gotta love summer, huh? I keep thinking about the long, snowy winter that just passed and it makes me appreciate this time of year. We had about eight big snow storms this winter. There were a few days when it was difficult to even leave home, so lots of people stayed inside, myself included. I didn't have a computer for a while, so that left me with a lot of time to think and read. I didn't mind, although I missed writing.

The winter was so long, severe, cold and snowy. People kept saying how they wished that it would just end. My Mom was recovering from her heart attack and my family was still very shaken up. Mom was trying to come to terms with almost losing her life and we were all very concerned about her. Some days life was calm, but others were seeped with anxiety. Both the bitter, chilly weather and the calmer, seasonal climate seemed to reflect how I felt about my life at the time. I think of that period like waves in the ocean. There were days when the tide brought huge, drastic, knock-your-socks-off waves and other days when the tide was quiet and peaceful. It only took seconds for things to change.

Winter is over. It's warm now. Mom is recovered. It's important to keep trudging ahead, and not to spend too much time looking back.

I learned an important lesson from this past winter. Pain, illness, sadness and discomfort can't be avoided, but everything passes.


Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Between the pages...

Today has been relaxing. After breakfast I went to the outside of a plaza that is nearby and read in the sun. I am reading a trilogy that is pure chick lit. The stories are packed with drama, betrayal, sex, scandal, and manipulation. Turning each page is kind of like watching a scene of a chick flick. It's mindlessly amusing and embarrassing to admit how enjoyable the story actually is. I wouldn't usually choose such light reading material, but it's summer, right?

Wherever I go, I carry a book with me. Since I have been reading this trilogy, strangers have stopped me in a coffee shop, a restaurant and on the street because they read the same novels and they wanted my opinion so far. It felt kind of pleasant to have strangers ask me what I think of something, even if the books aren't the most intellectual to discuss. I think I mentioned that I am borrowing the trilogy from my Mom. If she and those strangers I bumped into read and enjoyed the novels, they can't be that bad. Maybe a good book or trilogy doesn't always have to widen our brains. Maybe good books also exist to read during those lazy, hazy days of summer. Maybe some novels only exist to transport us to more dramatic, exotic places. Ocaisionally, as I am learning, strangers who might never otherwise meet stop and talk about a book they have in common. I'm all for anything that connects people on a friendly level including drama, betrayal, sex, scandal and manipulation - just as long as I'm only reading about it, not living it.


Monday, July 14, 2008

Kindness, fog and sleep...

It's past 11:00 p.m. I'm feeling a little tired. You know when your body starts to slow down and your thinking gets fuzzy? That's where I'm at. I stopped by the drugstore quickly tonight to run a quick errand. Before even getting past the front doors, a lady asked me if I needed help. She was a passerby - not even a store employee. I love people like her. I was fine, but it was just a refreshing experience. In this big, smog filled city where people push and shove each other on the buses and sidewalks, there are still kind souls who are willing to take a minute and check to see if a stranger needs help.

I noticed about six police cars near the subway close to my apartment. Something was happening. Sometimes I am really curious and want to know details. That's human nature, I guess. There are other times when I'm glad the activities around here aren't so obvious. Maybe I'm naive, and live in a fog, but life has enough excitement between the time we wake up and go to sleep each day. They say what we don't know can't hurt us. There's some truth in that, but who can ignore the obvious without making a conscious choice to do so? I am getting sleepier as the minutes tick by. No matter how hard I try, I can't ignore my body, so goodnight.


I'm grateful for...

* Sleeping in
* Sweet Tim Hortons ladies
* The Observer's thoughtfulness
* New puppies
* Time
* Kind bus drivers
* Coffee dates/heart-to-hearts with my female pals
* My cell phone
* Family
* Summer
* That everything passes


Sunday, July 13, 2008

What is crazy?

Do you think we are all a bit crazy? There are moments when I have to wonder. Sometimes I see people talking to themselves or screaming at no one. Are they crazy? Sick? Or crazy and sick?

When people are wearing winter coats now (in the middle of summer) I have to ask myself if they are nuts. It's just not normal to put on a coat when most people would freeze in long sleeves. There's a lady who I see on the streets who wears a surgical mask and swears constantly. That's abnormal, right?

One summer at camp, I witnessed a camper choke. He later passed away in hospital. For two months after camp, I was convinced I had something stuck in my throat and that I was going to die. Sounds a little whacked, doesn't it?

My best friend uses code names for people we know out in public because she is afraid they will be lurking nearby and overhear us. You think she might be a bit paranoid?

It's not too hard to be crazy, but going crazy is different, I think. Going crazy is gradually losing touch with reality. It's a process, whereas being crazy is short term and triggered by something in particular; at least I think so.

Everyone has little things that set them off, or they are particular about. We can all be driven a bit nuts sometimes.

Losing touch with reality is where the line between off and crazy is drawn, I believe. If I believe I'm the Queen, I'd say I'm in trouble, wouldn't you?

The fact that we all come from different places, feel differently, respond differently, love and cry differently makes us unique. Our little, hidden secret habits are what makes us who we are. Some may be strange, but maybe this is the closest some of us will ever get to becoming crazy. Maybe that's normal.


Saturday, July 12, 2008

In The Name Of Being Human...

I'm becoming more outspoken. If I don't agree with something, I'll say so. If something is wrong, I'll tell you. If you're annoying me, I'll let you know. If I have a strong opinion about something, I'll share it. If I need to defend myself, I will. Maybe I've always had strong opinions about issues and people, but never had the confidence to express my thoughts. I'm realizing that not speaking up for myself is a form of disrespect. I feel awful after someone walks all over me, or treats me poorly, because I know that I deserve better. I don't mean to sound arrogant or presumptuous; it's just that we all deserve to be treated fairly, because we are human. We all want to be loved, safe, fed, sheltered, and heard. We all feel pain, cry, laugh and get old. Maya Angelou says that we are more alike than we are different, so I try to remember that - especially when someone leaves the washroom and there is a foul smell in the air. Everybody occasionally leaves a stinky odor lingering in the facilities - even the queen.

Thursday, July 10, 2008


The sun is shinning this morning. That makes me happy. I'm really enjoying the summer weather. After all the snowstorms this winter, it's made me grateful for being able to get around easier. Winter is kind of pleasant, because of Christmas, but I don't like the feeling of being shut in. It's awesome just to come and go, especially living in the center of everything. I've evolved into a true downtown girl. I like that there are masses of people all around and it's easy to just slid into the flow of the crowd. Everyone is different and going about their day. There is anything and everything happening, which is how the world works.

Living here reminds me to go with the flow.


Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Awake and watching...

I was awake for most of last night. I had coffee later than usual, so it serves me right. Maybe insomnia is my punishment for getting free frozen yogurt yesterday. While the hours slooowly passed, I watched quite a bit of late night/early morning TV. There was a documentary on the sexual revolution in China that really intrigued me. The theme was about how China is becoming more open to discussing sex and educating the public on safe practices. In doing so, the male dominated Chinese culture is respecting females and the important role they play when it comes to sex. The documentary pointed out China's one child policy and how the preference for sons over daughters has made for too many men who can't find wives to carry on the family name. I would have never considered China's one child policy to be so dimensional. I guess such a drastic rule has drastic implications.

The documentary got me thinking about sex and taboos. Once society makes a topic off limits, does that make it more tempting? When something is forbidden, do we not crave it? After a revolution, is it possible to go back to the ways of the past? Is there a fundamental reason for tradition? Do we have a choice in adopting change?

These issues make me think of the lyrics If you're not part of the future, then get out of the way....from the song Peaceful World by John Mellencamp and India Arie. I like the idea of being part of the future, but before I have any major role, I would like to sleep tonight.


Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Rain, rain, down it came...

The rain came pounding. I got caught in the downpour just a few hours ago. It really came down hard. There was no way not to get wet. I saw cars getting flooded. My taxi driver stopped on the side of the road until the rain levelled a bit. He was kind and calm. Thank goodness.

I'm listening to a pretty song called Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez. It's sweet and mellow - just my style. There's a coffee house station on Yahoo Radio that I enjoy. The Observer recommended it.

We met for dinner tonight, and just as we were paying, the fire alarm went off and the whole restaurant evacuated. I had frozen yogurt, which was about $3.00. I didn't pay for it, which feels strange.

Maybe I'll leave a little cash for a charity. Good luck is a blessing and sometimes it's important to pay it forward.

Thanks for reading about my day. I hope the sun comes out tomorrow.


Monday, July 07, 2008

Books, Wall-E, and hot, hot tea...

It's pretty hot out today. I didn't really do much. I went shopping, so that's how I know it's warm out. Plus, it just feels warm out, you know? There's heat in the air or stickiness. I stocked up on cleaning supplies - Pine Sol, Swiffer Dry Clothes, Comet, and toothpaste. I guess the toothpaste could be considered a toiletry, but it's all cleaning related, right?

The Observer and I saw the animated movie Wall-E. It was entertaining and cute, but had a deeper message of what is ahead if we continue to over-use our natural resources and become over-indulgent in general. The Observer was the first to pick up on the cautionary message. He impressed me.

I've been doing a lot of light reading. Books that are entertaining and easy. My Mom has been sharing her books. I'm kind of enjoying the change of pace. Being summer, I guess it all fits together. Reading books that are a little unrealistic and over dramatic is therapeutic for me. It takes me away from stress and the seriousness of real life, which is good once in a while.

My grandma gave me a flowering tea pot and flowering tea for Christmas. It's been sitting in my cupboard and I just decided to try it tonight. I didn't use the teapot, and the tea leaves opened up beautifully in a big mug. The flower looks so pretty and the tea smells flowery too. My Grandma finds the coolest gifts.

I'm going to drink my tea before it cools...


Sunday, July 06, 2008

Love and its phases (According to me...)

I've discovered that relationships can be divided into the following phases:

Phase #1: "I'm so in love with you. You're amazing."

Phase #2: "I still love you, but you have some annoying behaviours/traits that sometimes drive me nuts."

Phase #3: "We've been through life's hurdles and survived intact. I love you, even though we might occasionally drive each other nuts."

Phase #4: "You're my best friend and, even though life hasn't always been easy, I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else."


Saturday, July 05, 2008

A visit home...

I've been visiting my parents for the last three days. They are my favourite people to hang out with. I don't normally stay so long, so it's been fun. On the downside, I have had some stomach troubles, but that is quite average - nothing unusual, just life. Home is so comforting and safe. I'm lucky to have such a great family. I say this all the time, but it's so true. Having just lost our dog Maddie, Mom and Dad are understandably sad. Over my visit, I would catch Mom's puffy eyes or Dad staring off into space. It's all part of grief, but it's difficult to watch those we love hurt. Reminders of Maddie are everywhere, which makes sense, because she was such an important part of our family. I know it will get easier for my parents to get used to life without Maddie. My Mom believes that Maddie is running in a field somewhere with her ears flapping. I like to think Mom is right.


Wednesday, July 02, 2008


My dog, Maddie died today. I am sad. It wasn't unexpected, but it still hurts. Maddie hasn't been in tip top condition for the last five years. She lost the ability to walk due an injury in her back and used a cart to get around for a while. When she could no longer get around, my parents carried her or she stayed on her bed. She was happy as long as my Mom or Dad were close. I never met anyone who didn't love Maddie.

People may think it was selfish to keep a dog who couldn't walk. Lately, perhaps Maddie stuck around more for us than herself, which I am grateful for, but for the majority of the last five years, Maddie lived a happy life.

I am grateful for the joy Maddie brought into our lives just by being herself. I am grateful that looking at Maddie always warmed my heart and reminded me that God creates beautiful living creatures. I am grateful for how she drew people to her and to my family. I am grateful for the sense of purpose caring for Maddie has given my family. I am grateful for the way Maddie became attached to each of my siblings when we needed her most. I am grateful that Maddie was stubborn and defiant, because we understood each other. I am grateful that Maddie stayed next to my Mom as she recovered from her heart attack. I am grateful for Maddie's ability to adapt to change.

I am so sad for Mom and Dad who face their first day without Maddie. It has to feel strange for her not to be next to one of them, as she always would be. I wish I was home, but I'm glad I'm not...............

Maddie was special and our family will be forever changed by her time with us. Thank you Madders for all you gave us. I love you.


Tuesday, July 01, 2008

To stop and chat or not to stop and chat?

My glasses are dirty. The world is blurry. Today is Canada Day. It's a holiday here, but public places are still open. I hear the "poof" of fireworks, but I can't see them. I bet they are pretty. I could have gone to check them out, but I wasn't sure how busy or safe my area would be when it's this dark and this late, so I'm just listening.

The Observer and I went out for dinner to a very pretty part of the city. I'm so full. Somehow the lens of the Observer's glasses popped off as he was eating ice cream. It was bizarre and funny. I hope he gets his glasses fixed soon. On the way home, I bumped into an acquaintance who also uses a wheelchair. I have known her for a while and she knows me well too. We said hello and I wasn't sure if she wanted to stop and chat or keep moving. I usually introduce people I'm with to people I meet by chance, but I didn't today, because my acquaintance was moving and talking at the same time. I hope I didn't snub her off or seem rude. What's worse having someone snub you off or be caught talking when you just want to move?

If I run into this lady soon, maybe I''ll tell her that I couldn't really see her because my glasses were blurry. It's sort of true.