Monday, December 15, 2008

I am still a good person...


Today I ate like a pig. I feel awful and fat. Yesterday I ate more than usual. Waking up this morning, I was still feeling bad about yesterday's over-indulgence. When I dwell on over-eating, it tends to cause me to over-eat again the next day. In the best-selling self-help book The Secret, it says "focusing on something causes it to expand." Maybe I was so worked up over yesterday, today was a feast too. Eating is such an oxymoron for me. I love food, but worry about gaining weight. I worry so much and stress out that sometimes (like now) I eat more than I need and do get bigger, hating every second.

Tomorrow I will wake up feeling horrible that it's been a three day eating marathon. I'll feel like a fat cow and want to stay in bed and not talk to anyone. I will get up and go shopping with a friend, because we made plans. I want to be a good friend. I will wash my hair and put on clothes. I will smile. I will talk to my Mom and the Observer. I want them to know that I love them. I will feel very fat and gross and maybe even want to disappear, but I will be OK. Life keeps moving.

I am still a good person, even if I gained weight. I need to believe it. I am still a good person, even if I gained weight. It's true. I am still a good person, even if I gained weight. I know it..........

Tomorrow is a new day. I am still me........

-OCG

1 comment:

THE OBSERVER said...

I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS WILL BE BY YOUR SIDE.