Friday, January 16, 2009

A cold snap...

I know I have said how cold it's been all week, but today is FREEZING. The wind whips at any exposed skin in seconds and takes one's breath away. Even with a heavy coat, a scarf and gloves on, the winter air hit me with a wallop. I haven't been out in cold like this for a very long time. I am already dreading February. It's such a dreary, cold month. Maybe it's shorter than most to give us all a break.

Last night one of my attendants was a bit short with me. I dropped a half empty salad bowl on the floor along with a fork. Not a big deal, I know, but just the day before I ended up with a flat tire from running over a strap in a wheelchair bus. In seconds the tire was off its tubing and I could barely move. After that experience, I am trying to be more careful about where and what I drive over. I am glad that a technician came quickly and that I wasn't out in the cold. Things can always be worse. I find myself often checking my tires to make sure they have enough air. It takes a few days after getting a flat tire to trust that everything is back in working order. When a wheelchair is how I function, I guess my anxieties make sense. Once I explained my recent tire troubles to my attendant, she softened. Over the years, I have found her moods to be very erratic and almost alarming sometimes. She will be sweet as honey one minute and snap the next. My moods can be just as unpredictable, so maybe being around her reminds me of my own faults and moodiness. Sometimes I feel sorry for the Observer because I can be very short tempered. I feel like there are moments where he is unsure what to do, because I can be so uneven. He rarely complains, but I know I can be challenging. I am going to work on keeping to myself when I'm grumpy. My Mom reminds me that, if I have nothing pleasant to say, not to say anything at all. She's right. Good, old-fashioned "mother" wisdom stays true to life.

I heard a quote on Oprah that made me think. One of her colleagues specializing in spirituality said, "Grief is an expression of how much we have loved." In the midst of a broken heart, it's hard to think logically, but I think it's a positive thought. The more we give, the more we lose, but loving is worth the risk. Life isn't free of pain, flat tires, freezing cold, or miserable people. We deal with whatever comes our way and savour the good in between. We may go in frigid temperatures, but there will always be a warm safe place to take revenge if we choose to find it.