Monday, January 05, 2009

Letting go and breathing out...


Maybe I am trying too hard to have my life "set up." Routines are comforting. They are predictable. I know what I need to do, so I do it. My teeth get brushed a few times a day. It's important they are white. I try to read, write and talk to a friend every day. I try to leave my apartment at least once a day. Every day I have two or three cups of coffee. A day doesn't go by when I haven't spoken to the Observer or my family. I say "thank you" every day. My orange jacket is usually worn every day. The TV usually stays off during the daylight hours. Each night it gets turned on as soon as I go to sleep. I enter the calories I've eaten every day. Every day I worry that I have eaten too much. I say, "I love you" every day.

Perhaps I am too set in my ways. It's hard to let go of what I know - to just eat and watch whatever is on TV even if it's day-time.

I have been eating too much. Every morning I wake up and tell myself that today I am going to eat less. Every day I eat the same (or a little more) than the day before. I'm angry at myself for indulging between Christmas and New Years. It's obvious that I've gained weight. I wish it was gone. Maybe I need to let go. I'm heavier, but my body will balance out. It needs time and I need to respect that. Rules and routines work, but only if there is a little space to breath. I'm taking a deep breath out. I feel better already.

- OCG

1 comment:

THE OBSERVER said...

one day at a time....LOVE YOU