Friday, February 13, 2009

Everything...

The sun is out today. I'm trying to focus on that. It's a reason to feel happy. I wish I did. Sleep didn't really happen for me last night. I did more watching TV than sleeping. I was wide awake as soon as I went to bed, so I knew it was going to be a long night. The new policy that my attendants must follow makes me sad and frustrated. My choices are being taken away. How can I be happy about that? Tasks that used to take half an hour now take an hour. How is that fair? I feel more like a patient than a person. It sucks. I'm tired, which makes everything seem worse. I am trying to be accepting of new rules, but part of me wants to scream, "This is ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!" You are making things WAY more complicated than they need to be. Why are you taking away my physical ability? Do you not understand how important it is for me to stand on my own two feet? Do people matter more than policies? When did my life become regulations? How can you not look at me as an individual person? Don't we all deserve this right?

I don't want to be difficult. It's not me. However, I can't just sit idly by and take whatever comes my way. My independence is worth fighting for. What is more important than freedom in life? I am trying to be smart, but I am getting fed up.

An attendant who I thought was a friend seems to be showing one face to me and a different one to her boss and colleagues. I am sad about that. I did see signs that maybe she wasn't completely trustworthy, but I didn't think she was playing both sides of this issue. I am not looking to win supporters, only to give attendants choices. Clearly, this particular attendant doesn't feel comfortable being honest and that is unfortunate.

My wheelchair is driving with a swerve since it was repaired yesterday. I'm a little nervous driving on the streets. Thankfully I haven't hit anyone. I am glad to be able to move around. Some things are looking up. A good friend pointed to a sign hanging in my kitchen that I printed in purple crayon on a bad day last year. It says "Everything passes!" I nodded. Sometimes we need to be reminded of the truth, even if it is directly in front of us hanging on our refrigerator.

-OCG

1 comment:

Lurker said...

"Everything Passes" that's good I like it!. Very true. Have a good day:).