Friday, March 20, 2009

Forgiving what I can't understand...

It's cold out today. Where is spring? It's a deceptively sunny day outside. Looking out, one might think it's warm, but after a few minutes outside, the harsh cold hits. The wind is chilling, especially heading towards it. Yesterday was my Grandma's birthday. She turned seventy. The plan was for my parents, my siblings and myself to visit her with a cake and presents. Mom worked all day and made grandma's favourite angel food cake with whipped cream and bananas. I made it home at the same time as Mom. After calling Grandma to let her know we were on the way, Grandma said "Tonight (then) wasn't convenient." We planned to visit a long time ago. Grandma and my uncles were all for it. What happened?

My Mom hung up and started crying. I was sad and angry. A short while later, my uncle called. I answered the phone. He had all these excuses for why we shouldn't come. Whatever. He said tomorrow would be better. I asked him to tell my Grandma how sorry I was that I couldn't see her. I sounded short, so he hung up quickly. I'm glad. I had nothing nice to say.

I love my Grandmother. I'm sorry I can't see her more. She's always saying that she misses me. I miss her too. I wish she knew how we all cleared our schedules, because she matters. She pushes love away and that makes me sad. I'm sorry for Mom who tried to reach out, but I hope she knows that it's not about her.

Last night was still a fun night. I saw my family, got my stomach troubles sorted, ate a salmon dinner and three pieces of angel food cake, and was there for Mom.

I'm not my seventy-year old Grandma. I can't understand her, so I forgive her. Hopefully I'll see her soon.


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