Thursday, June 18, 2009

Complications of moving with four wheels...

Today is drizzly outside. It's not pouring like yesterday, but it's still damp and a bit gloomy. My morning started off on a positive note. I was greeted by one of my favourite attendants. She's friendly, intuitive, soft spoken, sensitive and helpful. If I were an attendant, I would hope someone would describe me this way. She doesn't work with me often, which is unfortunate, but maybe I value seeing her more because it's a novelty. My attendant helped me shower. I felt very refreshed. It's an excellent hair day if I do say so.

I have been sleeping like a baby for the last few nights. My goal has been to cut out coffee after lunch. Instead, I have raspberry herbal tea. Of course the tea doesn't taste as good as coffee, but in my books, nothing does. A good sleep makes the world look softer - or maybe less intimidating.

I'm happy with my life. I wish I were thinner, but that's my issue. I can control my weight.

Last night the Observer asked me if I find it easy to live my life using a wheelchair. I don't find it easy - either does he. A major challenge such as not being able to walk poses many complications. I need help moving from my wheelchair to the shower, the toilet and bed. People are in my personal space helping me with very private tasks. That sucks. Sometimes I feel like my life is on display. That sucks. I am dependant on help to honour the call of nature and that restricts when I do. That sucks. People get uncomfortable around me and ignore me. That sucks. My digestive system is my only major health concern due to a lazy bowel and not walking. That sucks. Every day is pretty scheduled because I rely on help from others. That sucks.

All of these challenges are a direct result of my disability. I get frustrated. I wish I could move independently, had more privacy, could answer the call of nature, and hat strangers treated me like anyone else. I wish I didn't have such a stubborn digestive system and that my life were more spontaneous. Sometimes I wish I could run. Honestly, I see no point in wishing I could walk. It will never happen, but I still get frustrated by all of the obstacles of not walking.

I can't control not being able to walk. So no. I don't find it easy living my life in wheelchair, but who would? I went to the St. Lawrence Market again today. For lunch, I had a chocolate chip bagel and a fruit cup. The lady at the counter gave me an extra bagel for free. I smiled and thanked her. I'm looking forward to having that bagel for dinner. I'm easily pleased, even if things feel complicated now and then. We all have struggles, but some are more obvious than others. We're all different, but more alike than we often realize. We all need respect, a home, love, food, family, water and a sense of purpose. We all need to laugh and appreciate little bonus - like a free chocolate chip bagel. Who wouldn't????


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