Monday, June 29, 2009

Not to worry...

I have goosebumps. It's not too hot outside. It's been raining off and on all day. The sun has peaked from the clouds, but not much. I enjoyed visiting my parents. There is a vibe of wedding anticipation in the air - or maybe I'm the one getting excited. Dad and I went shopping and picked up my sister's guestbook. Surprising, it was hard to track down. After a short search, we found a fancy-looking notebook at a card store. The shelf had a few different options. One book was very plain black and white and another had a bit of an edge with a pair of shoes drawn on the front. I picked the book that had a bit more life. Hopefully, my sister will like my choice. A guestbook isn't really serious business, but it's still something I would want if I were the bride. It's a job that I was more than happy to look after for my sister. Some people will sign and others will forget. I will write something. Written memories are important on special days of our lives. When our ability to recall events fades, at least we have some recollection of the past.

Mom showed me a written report from her visit to the cardiologist. In a few places, it said she "is doing quite well." I was glad to read that. There was the word "degenerative" in there that made me feel sick. I know what that means. My former boyfriend had a degenerative disability and he died at twenty three years old. Mom and I talked. She explained to me that, since her heart attack, she has developed complications from heart disease. Obviously, such news is upsetting and worrisome. Mom has made her health her top priority and she looks very healthy. Thinking about that report makes me sad. It sucks that Mom has heart disease. It sucks that she can do all the right things and still be developing heart trouble.

At home and in bed last night, the reality of that report seemed too much. I want my Mom to be one hundred per cent healthy. Every one of us wishes the same for our parents. The thing is, my Mom is one hundred per cent good. I have never met a more amazing lady. She loves us with her whole heart, so why can't her heart be healthy? It has to reach out to a lot of people.

I understand that it's useless to worry about the future. To worry about tomorrow even seems silly. How do we know what lies ahead? Would we even want to know? When my Mom's health is involved, how can I not be extremely concerned? My Mom is my world. I feel my world tilting. I try to live for now, because it's all we really have. Life ticks by in seconds, minutes, hours and days. I will not worry about what may be. Now is here. I love Mom. She knows I do. That's all that matters...