Monday, August 31, 2009

Lost in a circle of nerves...

My day started off on a good note. My favourite attendant got me up early for an important appointment. I enjoy waking up early, especially if someone kind and attentive comes through my door. After I got showered, dressed, and had coffee and toast, I set off towards my appointment. My sense of direction is not the sharpest. It's pathetic actually. I can't even direct anyone to my home. I have always been directionally challenged. I do get to where I need to go quite easily, but I can't tell anyone how I got there. Isn't that strange??? Knowing how horrible I am at finding my way, I explored my area on Saturday evening before dark. I asked a friendly, trustworthy looking man how to get to my destination. I surprised myself and actually found my way....

My nerves must have got the best of me this morning because I found myself totally lost and turned around. I think I made a wrong turn and panicked. With a pounding heart, I kept getting more nervous and confused. Trying to retrace the path I took on Saturday, I stopped and asked someone for directions, but my nerves got in my way. Being late was my first fear. Once I was past late and nowhere near where I needed to be, I knew I wasn't going to make it. Feeling like a cop out, I made it home with a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I called the people who were planning to interview me and said that "an emergency came up." They didn't sound too forgiving. I didn't want to tell them that I got lost. The interview was for funding to hire my own attendants. If I can't find my way around the city, how am I going to be someone's boss? Mom says I ought to have told the interviewers that I got lost. Maybe she's right. I'm human and really bad with directions. Maybe they would appreciate the truth. I'm not even sure I want to be in charge of my attendant care. If I got so nervous, does that mean I do? My mind is still grappling with this question.

I made it home and felt sick over missing my interview. Telling the truth to my Mom and the Observer did feel freeing. They were sweet and reassuring, which is exactly what I needed. I felt quite dumb. It's so easy to beat myself up.

Needing to cheer up, I opened the bonbonnaire from the baptism I went to yesterday. The Observer's nephew was the star of the day, as every baby should be when they are baptised. The bonbonnaire was an adorable framed picture of baby Poalo wearing a vest and dress pants. He is looking right at the camera. Baby Paolo's picture made me smile. I can't stop looking at him. He is a captivating little guy. It was an adventure getting to the restaurant because it was in an area I had never travelled to before. All my transportation arrangements went smoothly. I arrived in perfect timing for the celebration. The restaurant was called Balldoria Restorante, a newly opened, intimate eatery. The decor was simple and elegant. The restaurant provided excellent service. The food was traditional Italian fare, except that we had thin crust pizza instead of seafood. Since the Observer dislikes fish, I know he was happy about this twist. The pizza was top notch. The Observer's Mom made chocolate cheesecake bites on a stick. They were dainty and tasted as delectable as they looked. I still feel bad about missing my interview, but each time I feel a wave of regret, I look at the photo of Baby Poalo. Maybe I'll have another chance at an interview. Maybe I won't, but life goes on. Just think of a sweet little baby as proof.


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