Thursday, August 13, 2009

Minding my anger...

I have no complaints. Well, I'm a little tired, but nothing major. I had trouble getting to sleep. It was around 3:30, but the time I drifted off and I woke up just before 7:00. That's not many hours of sleep, but I will get some high quality rest tonight. My attendant made me upset. Earlier in the evening, an attendant made a comment about how I "need to eat more and that I have this fear of getting fat." I was so uncomfortable that I laughed. That's what I do when I don't know what to say. When I didn't say anything, the attendant responded with, "See, you don't want to hear what I'm saying....." That's right. I don't, because it's not true.

Trying to stay calm and happy, I started a new book called Change of Heart by Jodi Picoult. I have had the book on my table for a while and have been stopping and starting reading it. I'm determined to read it this time. I listened to happy music and watched a taped episode of Oprah called Heroes Among Us about Americans who are making lives of those affected by the recession a little easier. They were uplifting stories. I was feeling better until....ANOTHER attendant made some comment about my eating habits that REALLY got under my skin. Why can't people mind their own business? She asked me what I ate that day as she was putting me to bed. I wanted to say, "What did YOU eat today?" However, I knew that would be rude and that I would lose my composure, so I replied with, "I ate lots of healthy food." Why does she care????? What business is it of hers? I am an adult. I know how to eat properly. I have a mother and I don't need another one. Thanks. My mind was racing. I was mad. I hate having to deal with so many nosy people. Their jobs aren't to hound me and be the food police. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! Why does ANYONE care what I eat or don't eat? I decide what I put in my mouth because it's my body.

I went to bed and tried to put the conversation out of my head. I watched a show called Property Virgins on HGTV about first time home buyers. Maybe one day I will be a first time home buyer. It looks to be both an exciting and scary event. Most big milestones in life bring out happiness and anxiety. We can't have one without a little of the other it seems. I watched The Next Food Network Star. It's my favourite show on that channel, but unlike last year, I haven't been tuning in every week. I enjoyed the episode though. Hopefully I'll remember to watch it next week. Next I saw a show called Opening Soon about the process of opening a new restaurant. I started feeling the need for sleep, so I tried watching cartoons. Once I turned over, sleep came. It wasn't a bad night for channel surfing, but I would have preferred sleep.

This morning I woke up angry about the food comments. My brain doesn't forget easily. I vented to an attendant who I trust and who I knew would understand. She did. I feel a bit better now, but I'm mad.

A little while ago, a guy who looked about my age stopped me on the street and asked if I had a few minutes to talk. I said, "No, sorry. I'm busy." What could he possibly want to talk to me about???????? I'm sure it wasn't anything normal or good. People are strange and unpredictable. I'm tired of odd behaviours and comments today. I started this blog but saying I had no real complaints. I guess I do. It's odd how I often say that I'm doing well, even if something is bothering me. Maybe that makes me human.


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