Saturday, October 31, 2009
I Believe... That just because two people argue, that doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, that doesn't mean they do love each other.
I Believe...That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel..
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I Believe...That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I Believe...That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I Believe... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.. I Believe...That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I Believe...That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I Believe...That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I Believe...That either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I Believe...That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I Believe...That money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I Believe...That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.
I Believe....That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I Believe...That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them....and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I Believe...That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I Believe...That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I Believe...That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,but we are responsible for who we become.
I Believe...That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I Believe...Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I Believe...That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I Believe...That even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to you...you will find the strength to help.
I Believe...That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I Believe...That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.
I Believe...The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything.
Thank you God for all the wonderful people who help us throughout the journey of life...
Friday, October 30, 2009
I slept well last night, so the world looks brighter. I had a sweet attendant. Sometimes she talks a bit too much, but the same has probably been said about myself. It's better to be over energetic and chatty as opposed to not enough. I soaked her pants as she was showering me. I felt bad, even though she was super sweet. It's rainy and wet today. I have been to the drugstore to drop off medication prescriptions and to the St. Lawrence Market where I bought two portabello mushrooms and one bag of white button mushrooms. I'm going to be all mushroomed out. I am twenty seven years old today. If you hear in the news that a woman overdosed on mushrooms, that would be me. On second thought, I think this can only happen with magic mushrooms.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I did some grocery shopping this morning. Looking outside at the mediocre weather, I thought I best go out early in case the rain came down harder. A fellow shopper in the grocery store said, "Hi beautiful" and smiled. I couldn't help but notice that the lady had no teeth. Teeth or no teeth, I was still touched. Her eyes were honest. Hopefully the same has been said about mine.
I went out to look for a birthday present for my brother. There is a store I browsed through a store called Joe Fresh. They didn't have much, but sometimes there are good bargains. If I didn't look, I might have missed on. On the way home, a homeless dude who looked quite strung out on drugs looked at me and said, "Looking good." Unlike the lady in the grocery store, his eyes were not genuine, but somewhere inside, he has compassion. We all do. We only need to use it. Seconds after passing the homeless dude, an ambulance pulled up beside me and said, "Is your name OCG?" My heart started pounding. I thought something awful had happened to a loved one and the ambulance was delivering a message. I said yes. Beside the driver was another ambulance attendant. She is my old camp counsellor and recognized me on the street. We chatted.
It's a small world. Both of my brothers and sister-in-law are sick. I am sending my well wishes to everyone who needs them. Feel better!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
I can't seem to get motivated to do much of anything. I didn't sleep very much last night. Winding down from the busy events of the day never really happened. I was engrossed in watching the show Top Chef on the Food Network and then Three's Company. I LOVE that show, but need to find when it's on during daytime hours - not only three ' o clock in the morning. My body would appreciate more rest. Everyone around me would probably find me easier to get along with as well. I can hear myself thinking cranky thoughts out of frustration. I must be suffering from tiredness. One thing I've learned is that when our bodies really need sleep, we get it.
Last night I came home and spent a long time unsticking a piece of gum from the garbage can. The gum was stuck right to the bottom and knowing it was there drove me crazy. I had to fix it. It was hard work, but I was satisfied with my efforts. Watching TV an hour before bed, I noticed that my head was really itchy. Since winter isn't far off, I knew a dry scalp was to blame. It's another reason to love winter. The more I focused on the itch, the more it drove me crazy. Before I knew it, I was off to drugstore in the dark of the night to buy anti-itch fighting shampoo. I put it on my bathroom shelf happily knowing that my purchase would help.
This morning I did use the anti-dandruff shampoo. It cooled down my head, which has to have helped. My attendant commented that the shampoo smelled like medicine. I would have to agree with her, but as long as the shampoo soothes my itchy scalp, the stuff could smell like tare and I would still slather it on my scalp. There is nothing worse than being itchy in my books. I don't know anyone who likes the feeling. Speaking of discomfort, lately my shower chair has been hurting me. Sitting in it for long periods causes my bottom to hurt. I have been dreading taking showers because I anticipate the pain. This isn't good. A girl has got to be clean. Worried about having another sore bottom, I asked my attendant if we could use my other shower chair. It's custom made, which means it offers more support and fits my body structure with more ease. Thankfully the custom made shower chair was more comfortable. I think my bottom appreciated the change. The only downside was that my legs fell asleep. Unlike my usual commode, the custom made one is missing footrests. My feet dangle and all the blood rushes down. I got pins and needles rather quickly, but moving my feet around helped. My attendant was very understanding, which also helps. At least my bottom got a break. Nothing is perfect. My bottom was saved, but my legs went to sleep. Now, if only I could get the rest of myself to sleep tonight...
Monday, October 26, 2009
I met Mom halfway between regions. I gave her bread and dirty laundry and she gave me clean clothes. I was really tired and grumpy. Last night I was exhausted, but I slept OK. Why am I still tired today? It was good to see Mom, but I feel bad that I was grumpy. Right away, she knew I wasn't myself. She didn't stay for long. My fowl mood probably had something to do with her quick exit. Soon I will call her and apologize. You know how you wish you could turn back time as soon as you behave in a way you regret? I wish I had been happier, especially considering that we didn't see each other for long....I'm sorry Mom. The next time that I feel a surge of grumpiness, I will tell myself to suck it up and be quiet, so I don't regret my actions later. It's easier said than done, but I'll try to remember that's moodiness is not worth the regret afterwards.
My doctor's appointment went well. I was late, but she understood. I was glad I went. After we're finished, she always comes with me and waits for the bus. Since she is so busy, I'm always touched by her gesture. The next time I see her, I will tell her so. My next bus was right on time, but she had other pick-ups and knew I would late. Luckily, the company called the city transit and arranged a later ride. I got lucky. I got to see the Observer just long enough to slurp down a coffee and say hello. Good times...
My taxi driver was kind and right on time. There was little traffic. A kind-hearted stranger offered me her spot at a computer station. I couldn't fit into the only one available. I'm tired and my bottom hurts from sitting for so long. Even so, much good fortune came my way today. I can't forget to be grateful...
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Last night I went to visit the Observer. We had a quiet night. When I got there, he was watching 120 Seconds That Changed The World. I've seen the same documentary on News world, but the version the Observer was watching had more commentary. I guess the film had to be condensed to fit in with news timing. After the Observer had dinner, we watched New In Town starring Renee Zellwegger and Harry Connick Jr. The movie was sweet, light-hearted, and had some funny characters that emphasized their parts as country folks. Harry Connick Jr. seems to be a natural at playing the sexy, sweet, romantic love interest in films. His music is soothing and mellow too.
I really needed a coffee, so the Observer and I headed to Second Cup. They were serving butter pecan flavoured coffee, which is my favourite. I got a medium. I had to. Butter pecan is too good to pass up. The server was helpful, which impressed me because the store was packed. I brightened up with coffee in my system. By the time I had to leave, I was really tired and grumpy. My bottom was hurting me. The trip home was long, but I was glad to get some relief in bed. A day can be enjoyable, but so can going to bed waiting for another to begin. Nothing lasts forever. That's a good thing, especially when a sore bottom is involved. It's easier to tolerate somehow who behaves like a pain in the arse than it is to have a pain in the arse.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Our visit last night was fun. We listened to music and talked. I almost fell out of my wheelchair without even realizing. Thankfully, the Observer helped me out (or "up", I should say!) Sometimes I can be quite out of touch with where my body is headed. We ended the night at Starbucks. Isn't that a surprise? Following the advice of my nutritionist, I've switched back to skim milk (not soy) when I don't feel like having my coffee black. Skim milk isn't as tasty as soy milk, but whatever helps, I guess. On the way home, a taxi driver almost ran me down. If it had been my last living night, at least I was with the Observer and drinking my favourite beverage on earth.
At noon today, the superintendent put a new shower hose on my shower. It took him longer than expected. I really had to pee. I was worried that I would explode, so I went down to my attendants' lounge in my building and waited there until someone could help me. The bathroom isn't the cleanest, but I didn't care. I would have gone in a whole. Bladders have the worst timing. My brother's girlfriend would say, "We're all human and isn't life one big pee party?" Well, she might not say that, but it would be some happy thought....
Friday, October 23, 2009
The whole way home, I was freezing and couldn't stop thinking about coffee. I had to pee. Isn't that a contradiction? I saw a sweet attendant who made me a yummy hot lunch, but coffee was the best part. Coffee never disappoints. The Observer has a busy day. He's coming to see me, which I am looking forward to. Hopefully all the things on his agenda went well. We'll have a fun night and it will probably (at least for me) end with coffee. Are you surprised?
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I was a bit late getting to my doctor's appointment, but Dad got me there in record time. My bus pulled up to my parents' house seconds before my appointment time. Dad was as cool as a cucumber and got me there two minutes late. I joked with my bus driver that the world could be falling apart and Dad would say, "Don't worry, everything is okay." Dad's calmness is his best quality. Thankfully, my doctor was running behind. It all worked out in the end.
My doctor thinks I don't have enough risk factors to go on cholesterol medication and will continue to monitor my blood work. I'm happy about that. I got some prescriptions I needed, so we were able to kill two birds with one stone. Multi-tasking is so satisfying. As I said goodbye to my doctor, he advised me to get the H1N1 vaccine. He also told me to "Lay off the fried chicken and fries." I think he was joking, but it's good advice anyway. By the time we got home, I had a pounding headache and needed coffee badly. After the first cup I felt better. By the end of the second, I was feeling great. Mom was home from work by the time we got in. She made a meal specially requested by me even though she was tired. Had I known she was working that day, I would have asked for a peanut butter sandwich. Instead we had fish, beets, broccoli and salad with pecans and cranberries. The salad was my favourite part. After dinner, Mom and Dad read the paper while I read two People magazines in record time. I missed them and was sad to say goodbye. On the other hand, I was happy to be meeting the Observer for coffee. I missed him too. I had decaf since it was my third coffee, but I might as well have stuck with buzzed coffee.
I couldn't sleep last night. Taking my usual pills, one went down very wrong. There was a tickle in my throat that wouldn't go away. I was coughing for a good two hours. Can you say, "frustration?" The next thing I knew I had to get up and pee. It was just one of those nights. I guess a bad tickle is a small price to pay for a great day...
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
My attendant who got me out of bed and showered was extra diligent today. She knew I was in a hurry, so I appreciated her speedy but concise manner. Lately, I have been using this small, transparent Winnie-The-Pooh mug. It holds the perfect amount of coffee for me to drink without having to worry about an overflow. I'm happy I learned that trick. Sometimes the littlest things can make life easier. Speaking of coffee, I'm craving another cup. I'm quite sleepy. Nowadays, I crave coffee all the time. It's noon, so I better get one, or it will be a long day...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
I started reading a new book called The Last Fifteen Pounds: A Weight Loss Breakthrough by Dr. Joey Shullman. I saw Dr. Shullman on a Toronto health show and she seems to know her stuff. I'm not reading the book to lose fifteen pounds. Healthy living tips always interest me and I am curious to hear what Dr. Shullman has to say about cholesterol. I'm on chapter three. So far, it's a good book. I'm afraid my attendants will see the book and question me about wanting to lose weight. I'm hiding the book in my sun room. Too many questions can be overwhelming. It's a bit like too many breakfast options. Choices are both a blessing and a curse, but most things are better with a little cinnamon sprinkled on top.
Monday, October 19, 2009
With you it's all er nuthin'. All fer you and nuthin' fer me! But if a wife is wise, she's gotta realize That men like you are wild and free. So I ain't gonna fuss, ain't gonna frown, Have your fun, go out on the town, Stay up late and don't come home till three. And go right off to sleep if you're sleepy, There's no use waitin' up fer me!
In a way, the woman is saying "Men will be men." In another way, she is saying she will do as she pleases. I got the feeling males and females were going through a sort of power struggle trying to figure out how each person fit into the family dynamic. Women were still very inferior to men, but I guess that's how things were in the 1940s. My favourite songs were Oklahoma, Oh, What A Beautiful Mornin', and Many A New Day. Part of the reason I watched Oklahoma was so that maybe my grandfather and I could sing the lyrics together. Grandpa's Alzheimer's makes it hard to carry on a conversation with him, but he does remember classic music. Maybe he and I will be singing about how "The wind comes sweeping down the lane". I'll still be glad I watched the movie, even if Grandpa doesn't remember the words.
I went to Starbucks last night with a friend who lives in my building. Initially I didn't feel like going, but once we saw each other, I was glad I went. Girl talks are good for the soul. I didn't sleep well last night. I'm tired and haven't done much today. I went shopping, talked to Mom and the Observer and here I am.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Next to break down was my cell phone. It hasn't been lighting up turned on for a while. I shouldn't be surprised. A while ago, my phone got wet in a way that I will keep to myself. Some things are so nasty that they are best left unwritten. Yesterday my best friend and I agreed to meet at the bookstore in the mall close to my apartment. I was fifteen minutes late getting there. My friend is ALWAYS on time, so I knew she'd be worried that I wasn't going to show up. For fifteen minutes, I searched for a beautiful, sweet, looking girl with curly, dark hair with no luck. I was about to go to another meeting spot when my friend called out to me. We were so relieved to find each other.
We spent the next hour and a half chatting over coffee. My friend had an appointment at a local hospital that morning so she told me about how that went. Her hand is twisted from a bran tumor, so she gets regular Botox injections to give her more dexterity. Sadly, the same friend was just diagnosed with Diabetes and is taking medication to control her blood sugar. She says she hasn't changed her diet. I can understand why. No one likes to live with too many restrictions, especially when a person loves food. I do think it's important to find a balance. We can still enjoy the things we love without hurting ourselves. Putting moderation into action can be easier said than done.
The Observer came to the mall and we went to the Pickle Barrel. Before he arrived, I quickly zipped home to use the bathroom. Before leaving home, I called them to say I would be at the Pickle Barrel soon. I insisted that they order but learned they were waiting. I freaked out at the Observer over the phone. I hate when people wait for me. He got upset. Rightly so. I arrived and the Observer seemed mad at first, but soon we were both happy to see each other. My friend had Asian nachos, I had salad with salsa and garlic bread while the Observer had pasta and spring rolls. For dessert, they had frozen yogurt while I had lemon wedges. I'm not a big fan of the Pickle Barrel. The food is mediocre, but the top notch company made up for the meal. My friend had to leave in a hurry to catch the subway. I missed her as soon as she was out of sight. I went to the drugstore and picked up some personal supplies. I had to ask a young store employee for help. I was a little embarrassed, but he was kind and unfazed. The Observer and I met up at Starbucks and talked. He surprised me with a decaf waiting for me at the table. Isn't the Observer sweet? I haven't seen him all week, so it was great to catch up. I have missed the guy. I still feel bad for getting mad at him for waiting to order, but dwelling won't help. All I can do is be a little more relaxed next time.
After the Observer left, I watched Oklahoma on DVD. It's a musical about love, community and jealousy. My uncle was in the play fifteen years ago and I loved it. I have never forgotten about wanting to see the DVD. I didn't get through the whole DVD, I enjoyed the songs and light hearted storyline. Listening to the characters sing about confusion and jealousy over love, it occurred to me that these themes have existed throughout time. People have always been attracted to each other, craved company, needed affection, and felt torn. While films vary in terms of characters, location and plot, these central themes remain timeless. I suppose not every character had a cell phone or toothbrush. It's just as well. As I've learned, nothing lasts forever.
Today I am certain that I ran into Kurt Browning on the street. He's a Canadian Olympic figure skater. Maybe he is participating in the show Battle Of The Blades that is being filmed next door. Perhaps he has a look-a-like. He was famous twenty years ago. I'll never know if that guy was Kurt Browning or not. Just thinking that it could have been him makes me happy.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
"I soothe my conscience now with the thought that it is better for hard words to be on paper than that Mummy should carry them in her heart."
"It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."
"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be."
"Whoever is happy will make others happy too."
“Everyone has inside of him a piece of good news. The good news is that you don't know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is!”
“I don't believe that the big men, the politicians and the capitalists alone are guilty of the war. Oh, no, the little man is just as keen, otherwise the people of the world would have risen in revolt long ago! There is an urge and rage in people to destroy, to kill, to murder, and until all mankind, without exception, undergoes a great change, wars will be waged, everything that has been built up, cultivated and grown, will be destroyed and disfigured, after which mankind will have to begin all over again.”
"What one Christian does is his own responsibility, what one Jew does is thrown back at all Jews.”
“Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter if only we could prevent girls from being girls.”
“I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery and death ... I think peace and tranquillity will return again.”
- Anne Frank
I drank two big mugs of chocolaty chai tea last night. The tea tastes spicy and delicious. It's my new favourite night-time ritual. As I relaxed holding my mug of hot tea and watched the film, I couldn't help by think of how simple activities can bring sure pleasure. I was totally happy. Yes, I'm feeling better after a few days of being under the weather, but I just felt at peace with life. It's not perfect, but we do the best we can. The most important message I gained from watching The Diary Of Anne Frank is that people are good. Every day I try to believe this, but a reminder never hurts.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Finally my stomach is giving me some relief! I'm not completely out of the woods yet, but things have started to move. Hopefully my stomach will continue to cooperate. My belly is still bloated, but it's understandable given how full it still is. After being plugged for a week, it's going to take longer than a day to get back to normal. The super indent in my building gave me a gray and blue jacket that her daughter doesn't wear anymore. She said she would rather give it to someone she knows then leave it for just anyone. She's so sweet. I miss my Mom when I see her. The jacket may be a bit big, but I'm still touched that the super indent passed it my way. Since my stomach has been dodgy these last few days, I've found myself in a rush to get home and to the toilet. Driving my wheelchair safely on busy streets takes time and attention, which can be challenging when I feel as though I will explode. I notice pedestrians are so busy looking down at their cell phones that it seems they will run right into me. Technology is convenient, but dangerous too.
The Observer is spinning the tunes at a youth dance tonight. He'll do an amazing job. He's done the music for years and he wouldn't keep getting asked if the organization wasn't pleased with his work. Good luck Observer! Spin! spin! spin!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
In the afternoon, I went grocery shopping. I spent longer than I planned in both time and money. I bought bread, broccoli, Splenda, and chai chocolate tea. The teenager at the grocery store who I stopped to ask for help told me they don't carry the bread I wanted. After searching, I found it. Maybe the guy was new. At the cash register, I forget that the produce employee had put broccolli in my backpack and I almost left without paying. The cashier was sweet about having to ring in another item and even found me a coupon for Splenda. She told me that Splenda is the only sugar she can have. She must think I'm a diabetic. Thankfully, that's not one of my issues. For a while I was buying a decaf coffee with soy milk from Timothy's every night. I think it was the soy milk that made the coffee tasty. My dietitian told me last week that soy milk might not be the best choice right now. I need a treat and have been looking at the chai chocolate tea for a long time. The timing seemed right. I'm excited to try it tonight. There is a chill in the air, so it seems like a good evening to have a cup of tea before bed.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
In the afternoon, I had an appointment with a nutritionist. I see one regularly for fiber and weight management counselling. It does me good - or at least I like to think so. The nutritionist I see is very professional. There isn't a lot of warmth to her, but I'm cool with that. She knows her stuff, which is what matters. Right away I told her my cholesterol news. As I predicted, she was shocked and stumped. There wasn't anything too groundbreaking she could share, but she did reassure me that it's OK to eat meat, eggs, and yogurt. They were foods I had been avoiding. More important, the nutritionist said my high cholesterol is genetic, which means that it will be tough to lower with dietary adjustments. None of this was new to me, but reiteration never hurts. The nutritionist repeated the same tips that both my mother and the Observer's mother shared. Moms are smart.
Last weekend I went to visit the Observer's family to wish them a happy Thanksgiving. I told his parents about my high cholesterol and they were very reassuring. The European diet and lifestyle tends to be quite healthy, so I knew the Observer's mother was on the healthy track. I felt better when we talked. She's such a calming lady. The Observer told how worried I am and I left feeling like I was going to live a little longer. We had pasta with pesto sauce, chicken, cucumber and tomato salad, eggplant and a beautiful apple tart for dessert. The tart looked like it belonged in a magazine. The pastry was perfectly shaped and there was sugar in all the right places. The tart reminded me of an upscale apple pie. There was a hint of orange. The dessert was yummy, but its perfect shape was what stayed with me. Looks aren't everything when it comes to people or food, but they can leave a memory... Dessert was delicious and pretty, but the espresso was my favourite part. Italians know how to make coffee better than any culture around. There is a reason they save drinking it until the end of a meal.
Today has been a bit frustrating. I drank my laxative mixed with Cool-aide and it has yet to kick in. All the liquid has made me have to pee, but that's not the result I want or need. An attendant complained when I called and told her that I needed to use the washroom. She is so rude. It's her job to help me use the bathroom. She told me she was about to have dinner. Sorry that I have to pee. I thanked her more than once for her help, but didn't apologize. What would I be apologizing for? I haven't ventured far today. I'm afraid it will hit me without warning. Needing coffee this afternoon, I did stop by Tim Hortons and had an espresso. Since I had to drink so much liquid this morning, I didn't want another coffee to cause a flood, but I did need a caffeine kick. The best thing about espresso is that a little goes a long way. The espresso did the trick and brightened me up. The employee who took my order forgot to put the two Splendas I asked for, but there was some left on the table, so I put it into my coffee myself. I was proud of myself. My coffee tasted extra sweet because of the thrill of my accomplishment. Though today wasn't one of my best, at least I had a good espresso...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
My sister in law is pregnant! It's taken a bit to sunk in. My whole family is over the moon. There will be a little baby here in the spring. Oh my gosh! My brother will be a Dad. My sister-in-law will be a Mom. My Mom will be a grandmother. My Dad will be grandfather. My brother will be an uncle. The Observer will be an uncle. My sister will be an aunt and so will I. It's exciting. Hurry up winter and bring on spring!
At first I was shocked. I didn't think my sister-in law could get pregnant for another three years because she endured chemotherapy. Fortunately I was wrong. All through dinner, I couldn't stop looking at my sister-in-law. I was in disbelief. Finally, by the time dinner ended, I started to realize that new life had began. I said grace before Thanksgiving dinner. Earlier that afternoon, Dad and I went for coffee and I stopped to buy Mom flowers. Dad had me listen to the song When The Red Red Robin Comes Bob Bob Bobbin' Along. Thinking of the song's lyrics, I said, "Live, love, laugh, and be happy." Everyone smiled and dug in. The meal was delicious. I sat next to my mom's friend. I missed the Observer. Everyone was wishing he was around to hear about the baby. Special events are more special shared with the Observer.
I decided to spend an extra night at home. I was tired and didn't have huge plans, so I thought why not? I teased Dad that I rarely come home, but when I do, he can't get me to leave. He smiled. I ate turkey left-overs and pie, watched TV with Mom and read People magazine. Dad drove me home last night. When he left, I said, "Bye Grandpa-to-be". It has a pleasant ring. Mom gave me a beautiful orange and yellow plant. It's sitting on my table and brightens my kitchen up. Yesterday I was saying that one day my brother and his wife will sit down with their son or daughter. They will explain how my sister in law endured the hardest year of her life and then became a mother to a beautiful little person. As I finished saying this, I started to cry. I tease the Observer for being emotional, but it takes one softy to attract another softy, right?
Saturday, October 10, 2009
I was told to bring buns for Thanksgiving. Did I mention that already? Probably. Mom specified that she wanted them to be from the St. Lawrence Market. The lady of the family knows exactly what she wants. Knowing what Saturdays are normally like at the market, I knew the Saturday before a holiday would be a madhouse. I thought I best to do what I needed yesterday. Why put off what we can do today for tomorrow, right? The rain started coming down harder the farther I went. Once at the Market, I was soaked, cold and hungry. I bought what few buns were left and sat and ate cheese pizza. I dreaded the way home. I was still cold and wet. Getting back took awhile. I stopped and started. A young, cute stranger noticed me struggling and walked close beside me with his umbrella. I learned he was a photographer and model from Alberta. He took me all the way to my apartment and made sure that I got safely inside. The world is full of good people. I needed to get out of my soaked pants. The attendant care manager called someone to help me. He's a good person. Once in dry clothes and drinking hot coffee, I knew I would be fine.
Exhausted, I watched Dr. Oz until the Observer came. We chatted and went to Starbucks. They knew I wanted soy-milk in my coffee. A girl in the coffee shop was how I picture myself if I could walk. She was short, had shoulder length brown hair and was wearing a red top. There were brown, plastic framed glasses on her face. The Observer and I listed what we were thankful for...I had a lot to say.
I woke up this morning well rested and happy. My attendant braided my hair. It's different. I'm not sure if I like it, but change is good. I picked up smaller dinner rolls from Metro. The guy there was sweet. He's helped me before. He made sure to find just what I needed. I am loaded down with buns, but better too many than too few right? I am going to see the Observer shortly and wish his family a happy Thanksgiving. From there, I am going to my family. A favourite family friend of Mom's is coming to Thanksgiving dinner. Her laugh is infectious and she's the kind of person who will walk with her umbrella beside a cold, wet girl. I'm going to tell my family about the kind photographer I encountered in the rain. Thank you sir. You kept me dry and reminded me why we celebrate more than just turkey and cranberry sauce this weekend.
* my attendants who respect me
* those who understand the comfort of silence
* the stranger who saw that I was wet and cold yesterday and offered to walk with me to my building
* the talk we had under the stranger's umbrella
* that nature called and I answered
* my attendant who saw that I was cold and changed my clothes and heated up my coffee
* the people at Starbucks who know that I take soy milk in my coffee
* the pizza I ate
* The Observer for visiting me
* the grande coffee I drank
* Dr. Oz show
* Oprah's real-life shows
* My friend Christina
* that I have a family to go to for Thanksgiving
* my apartment
* my freedom
* all of the support I have every day
* My Mom and Dad
Thursday, October 08, 2009
As for me, MOST of my day was great. I came home late afternoon and was worried that I would be late for my appointment. I told my bus driver who got me home in the nick of time. Dad drove me there one minute late. Not bad for a fifty-seven-year- old dude, huh? Dad parked me and went to reception only to find out my appointment had been scheduled for last Wednesday. My mistake....Dad didn't seem to mind, but I did. Somehow the nurse I spoke to and I misunderstood each other. I was at Pink last Wednesday. I rescheduled for next Tuesday at 3:40. I can't forget...
Today we have beautiful fall weather. The sun is shinning and the air is crisp. It's my favourite kind of day outside. Of course, I just had to go to St. Lawrence Market. It's impossible to predict how many days we have left before it gets cold, so we best enjoy them. I bumped into the Observer's cousin. She's my favourite relative of his extended family. She works nearby and was on her way to the market with a friend during their lunch hour. We stopped and chatted for a bit. I told her that I was sorry that I wouldn't see her during Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, both the Observer and myself are celebrating Thanksgiving with our families on the same day so we won't be able to see each other. I'm disappointed, but what can we do? The Observer kindly offered to leave his family and come to see mine. Having done this before, I know it's hard as it's like giving half of one's focus to each family. How is that fair? On the upside, we're both lucky that we have families who love us and include us in their celebrations. There have been other holidays where we've celebrated with both families. Hopefully one will happen again soon.
Dad called this morning to thank me for the Jersey Boys tickets. I'm glad he liked them. The show is the first Saturday in December. Inside his card, I wrote, Oh, what an afternoon we'll have....I'm not looking forward to the cold that December will bring, but all the family events balance out the chilly days. Maybe that's why Christmas is in the winter...
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Today is Dad's fifty seventh birthday. Hopefully his day is going well. Later on, I'll see Dad for dinner. First, I'm going to a doctor's appointment to talk about cholesterol. I'm a little nervous because it is a new health issue, but I will be relieved to learn what can be done about it. I have to keep reminding myself that it's a blessing that I am aware I have a problem. Ignorance can be both blissful and deadly. Conversely, knowledge is power. Dad would say that gray hair like his equates to wisdom. After last night, I learned that it's beneficial to practice standing tall, but to also have a way to get help if we fall.
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Yesterday morning, I went to a boring meeting for my writing gig. I rarely say much, but since they pay me, I feel it's only right to attend the meetings. I was very hungry all morning. I had another unfortunate bathroom incident that literally dampened my day, but my attendant was diligent and kind, which made it easier to handle. Exhausted, I went shopping to try to liven up. It didn't work. The cashier told me to go to another line-up. I thought she said this so I could get groceries packed, but they already were in my bag. Coffee was one of my purchases, so I had to make sure I was leaving with it. I came home and watched lots of Dr. Oz until bed.
I am a very chilly girl right now. The temperature must have dropped. It wasn't this cold this morning. Actually I didn't go out, so I wouldn't know. I was buying tickets for Jersey Boys as a birthday gift for Dad. His 57th birthday is tomorrow. Our tickets are for Saturday, December 5th, so we have a wait, which excites me. By then Christmas will be close. It is a festive type show, so the timing does work. I got the run a round getting a wheelchair seat. Ticket agents kept giving me different numbers until I finally found the right person. The guy I talked to was kind. The fire alarms in my building were being tested, so I kept apologizing for the shrill sounds. He seemed sympathetic.
I met a friend for coffee today. Initially I didn't feel like going but I'm glad I did. Our catch up over coffee was nice. Sometimes it's good to get out there and see a friend. Yes, it's a bit nippy, but it's nothing a hot coffee can't help.
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Last night's visit with the Observer was fun. We ate a delicious meal cooked by his Mom. There nothing like her chicken parmigiana, red potatoes and rice. I enjoyed every bite. We quickly went to Second Cup. Our servers weren't the best, but it was OK. Maybe they had never helped people with disabilities before. I had a hazelnut cream coffee. It was so good that I was wishing I had ordered a medium instead of a small. The Observer took the lid off so that I could get every last drop. He had his usual skinny frozen hot chocolate. We had to rush back to meet my parents who stopped by to pick up my laundry. I enjoyed seeing them, even though it was short. Mom wasn't feeling her best so I hope she's better today. They weren't home when I called a few hours ago. Hopefully that means Mom is out and about and feeling like herself. She passed a book onto me that she said she couldn't put down. The author is Nicholas Sparks, but I can't remember the tile. Right now, I'm reading Charlotte's Web. There's nothing like a good Children's classic every now and then. My parents brought Riley who got very excited to be in new surroundings. Mom told me how she asked Dad to buy me more diet grape Kool-aid for my laxative. He came home from Wall-Mart saying, "The store only had raisin flavoured Kool-aid." This made me laugh because "Raisin" means "grape" in french. Men! What would the world be without them?
After saying goodbye to Mom and Dad, I needed a drink, so the Observer and I quickly went back to his apartment. I refilled my inner water hole and we had just enough time to listen to A Va Marie A by Pink. I LOVE that tune!
Downtown was busy with Nuit Blanche - an all night Arts Festival. Part of me was wishing the Observer and I had been around to check it out. However, there's nothing like quiet time with someone we love over coffee and music. Plus, I got to see Mom, Dad and Riley. They are a lot brighter than any all night Arts festival.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Closed your eyes
Have you ever
Thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don’t care
It’s only half past the point of
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning
The breathe before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?
Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?
It’s only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breathe before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way
There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar
Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight
Have you ever held your breathe and asked yourself
Will it ever get better than tonight?
Glitter In The Air (Pink)