Friday, November 13, 2009

Out of here...

I always have trouble sleeping the night before going away. Last night was no exception. My eyes didn't close for more than an hour. I watched the last little bit of Grey's Anatomy, Dr. Oz, Wylde On Health, According To Jim, Reba, and two episodes of Three's Company. The pickings were top notch, but I still would have rather slept. Three's Company was my favourite show. I have no idea why I can't sleep before going on a trip. I do it to myself. My mind gets all worked up. It's just the way I am. I worry about forgetting to pack something and all the logistics of going away. I worry about being out of routine, getting in the way and being a grump. I worry so much about not being miserable that it makes me tired and I end being grumpy anyway. It sounds silly, doesn't it? Sometimes I wish I was better at going with the flow. Life isn't a schedule. Things happen spontaneously, which is sometimes best. Being surprised can be one of life's greatest pleasures. I'm not used to handling surprises. They often make me nervous at first. I guess everyone feels this way with some surprises.

As with every Collingwood trip, I'm nervous. The thought of being bored and eating too much scares me. The idea of feeling confined and dependent scares me. The possibility of fighting with my family scares me. Being carried up the stairs scares me. My washroom issues scare me. Being away from the Observer makes me sad. Missing the Observer's niece's fourth birthday makes me sad. The fact that the Observer can't join my family this weekend makes me sad. The feeling that I don't have the freedom I am normally afforded and love so much frustrates me. The inability to get up and go as I please frustrates me. Needing to ask for help frustrates me.

All that said, I'm excited to go away for the weekend. Spending time with my family is important. We only get one. I'm blessed to love mine. Being around loved ones reminds me of what matters. I often see that I take life too seriously and that being alone doesn't always equate to strength. There can be strength in numbers too. Being part of joint activities is good for the soul and heart. Laughing is a stress relifer. A change of scenery can be therapeutic.

Last year's trip to the chalet was fun. I peed on my oldest brother as he was carrying me up the stairs. We both laughed. What else were we to do? We talk about that incident at least once a month. It's a funny memory - for me anyway. I know that I am blessed to have a family who includes me in their plans. Helping me is like second nature to them. It's me that is bothered by needing help. This year I asked if we could bring a commode for my personal care. Doing so should ease the need for the men in my family to have to carry me up and down the stairs. I'm also bringing my Winnie-The-Pooh mug, which will help me control my drinking. Hopefully my brother and I won't have a repeat incident.

I seriously considered not joining my family in Collingwood this year. I wondered if going was too much stress on myself and my family. Thinking about missing out made me sadder than all the challenges. Every experience creates a memory. The weekend helps me to apperciate the accessbility I am live with, my wonderful boyfriend, and my amazing family. This awareness makes going worthwhile. As an old lady, I'll look back and be glad that I decided to go. After all, what other sister can say she did (and might) pee on her brother?


1 comment:


you think too much thats why your not