Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Another day...

Remember how I couldn't stop eating on Monday? I have to admit that my binge didn't stop until later that night. I went to Starbucks and ate two huge oatmeal raisin cookies, followed by a cinnamon dolce latte. You'd think I would have been full, but sadly this wasn't so. I finished the night with half a piece of raspberry cheesecake and then a slice of blueberry cheesecake. I should have felt sick, but I only felt full and guilty. It was windy and snowy as I wheeled home. I stopped at Shoppers Drug Mart and a sweet teenager helped me put my mittens on.

Forgiving myself for Monday's feast is hard. All I can do is let it go. I'm surviving. I'm fatter, but I'm doing the best I can. I couldn't think clearly enough to put my feelings into words yesterday. My head, brain, and heart didn't feel right. I went to the dollar store and bought gum. Within an hour, I had chewed the whole pack. Isn't that odd? I think so, but I still do it. Gum chewing is my addiction. These days I am trying to control it, but I'm not always successful. After realizing I wasn't in the writing mood, I went to the grocery store. A young sweet guy helped me find splenda and Almond Breeze. His kindness made my day better. Almond breeze is almond milk. I have wanted to try it for a while. It has a nutty flavour. Almond Breeze isn't bad, but I think I prefer soy milk. The flavour is a bit stronger. I went to Timothy's last. The coffee server knows me now. She knows that I am always looking for the flavours they offer. Yesterday's was Irish cream. The coffee was yummy.

When I got home, a kind attendant helped me with personal care. The usual Tuesday full time attendant is on holidays. I'm happy about that. She's a miserable person, but this staff is sweet. I found a coffee gift card in my purse that I didn't even realize my parents gave me for Christmas. My Mom and Dad rock. I wore some fluffy blue socks and new pajamas too. I have the same kind of fluffy pink socks and they are my favourite. Mom buys me the most awesome socks.

I sat in my couch chair before bed and watched Corner Gas and My Name is Earl. Both shows are silly but fulfilled my need for mindless entertainment. My cough kicked in as soon as I called the Observer. We still talk every night. I call him. Maybe I'm not being fair. We're both trying to survive. It's more painful for the Observer. We both have amazing families. We'll be alright. Hopefully the Observer has warm socks too.


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