Monday, December 21, 2009

Don't pee on the floor...

Yesterday I met the Observer near his parents' house. My parents met me halfway at Sherway. Being so close to Christmas, the mall was packed. I didn't realize that I turned my phone off until they had been searching for me in the mall for a while. I stopped to get Mom a pink Gerber daisy. I was suffering with bad stomach cramps and knew I had a grumpy scowl on my face. Mom and Dad knew I wasn't well. They can always tell right away. Being miserable when I only saw them for such a short time made me sad. They understand that it's not them, but still. The people I love deserve the best of me. While waiting at the mall, I ran into my estranged aunt and uncle. We chatted for a bit. I don't see them often. There is old family strive. Our talk was pleasant and they helped me get oatmeal cookies from my bag.

Once at the movies, the plan was to see Old Dogs, but I was very hungry. We went to Casey's where I ate like a horse. I told the Observer that I'm not very happy and maybe we need a break. Understandably, he got very upset and left the restaurant. Thankfully, the Observer returned. We talked and I got some feelings out.....I love the Observer. He's the best boyfriend I could ever want.......but........I feel like we're more friends than lovers. Is this fair to either of us? Maybe that's my fault, but it's how I see us right now. I know the Observer wants to get married for certain. I'm on the fence when it comes marriage. I don't want to string the Observer along or waste his time. The truth is hurtful. I'm trying to figure things out. The Observer shows his pain by getting angry. Most men do. I hate to make him angry, but isn't it important to be honest? I haven't been looking after myself. Last night I ate cake and nine cookies. I think stress from our talk made me eat. Our night ended OK, but I still feel like there are things I need to face. The Observer is my best fried. I can't imagine life without him, but I want him to live his dream of becoming a husband. Maybe that dream involves me. If not, at least the Observer will be happy. I love him and his happiness matter as much as my own.

Today hasn't been great. I've consumed about four pounds of grapes due to waking up feeling guilty after I ate too much last night. My stomach was giving me troubles and I was miserable. I had a big yucky accident, but my attendants did a stellar job of cleaning me up. I am so thankful they were so understanding. At least there was some good in a dirty time. I took Klean Prep and it worked in a big way. The superindent had the floors cleaned. He joked with people not to "pee on the floor." I almost said, "I didn't pee. I pooped," but that would have been too much information....


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