Thursday, December 24, 2009

stuff...

There is a famous Beatles song with lyrics that say I'm So Tired. I haven't slept a wink. Today these words describe exactly how I feel. I know I'm not the only one. Last night I told the Observer that I am no longer in love with him. Ouch. How we got here, I'm not sure. All I know is that things have changed since that painful talk. The truth can be heartbreaking. It hurts to hear, to understand and most of all, to accept. The Observer hurts differently than me. He must accept the choice I initiated, even though his own would have been very different. I know he loves me. I have never doubted his devotion, affection and loyalty towards me during the five years we've been together. He's a guy who loves with his whole heart. To be loved by the Observer is to gently hold his heart in your hands. Last night I squashed it. I am so sorry...........



The reality that I am losing my boyfriend of five years hasn't sunk in. How can it in less than twelve hours? It's going to take a while. The longer we love someone, the harder it is to accept change. I know I dated the greatest guy around. They don't come any better. He is so easy to love. On some level, I realized I couldn't be a wife. Marriage has always been very important to the Observer. It's a rite of passage. With all the inner demons I have been dealing with lately, I have been snappy and rude towards the Observer. When I get too comfortable and start unloading on the people I love, it's not right. When I heard my miserable, snappy tone, I knew something had to change. He deserves to be treated with respect.


- OCG

3 comments:

THE OBSERVER said...

you did crush me but I have no choice to accept your decisiom.....I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND IT MAKES ME SAD I DIDN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY

THE OBSERVER said...

you did crush me but I have no choice to accept your decisiom.....I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND IT MAKES ME SAD I DIDN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY

THE OBSERVER said...

you did crush me but I have no choice to accept your decisiom.....I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND IT MAKES ME SAD I DIDN'T MAKE YOU HAPPY