Monday, December 28, 2009


Christmas was as good as Christmas always is. There was family, laughter, food, love, tears, gifts, unwrapping, and memories. I enjoyed the day. What's not to love about Christmas? I've spent the last two days lying low. My voice has been dodgy. My attendants and people around me have to strain to hear me. I went to HMV on Boxing Day. It was crowded. Big surprise, huh? When I asked for the album I wanted, I had to repeat myself. It must have sounded like a whisper.

Mom and Dad came to see me later that night. I was sitting in my couch chair watching Last Holiday. Everyone went to my sister's house, but I wasn't up to it. Mom and Dad dropped off laundry and put me to bed. I think they came mainly to check on me.

Yesterday I watched Christmas Carol in black and white and parts of The Sound Of Music. The night was long and lonely. Today has been hard. I'm sad. I've been stuffing down my feelings with food. Today, I had toast, quiche, four granola bars, chicken and then a grilled cheese sandwich with a waffle for dessert. That's gluttony if I ever heard it. Pain comes in nauseating waves. I hear the Observer's laugh. I see places we used to go and I hurt.

We have been talking every day. Though comforting, I find it hard. He's as sweet as he always is. I feel like saying, "How can you be so sweet to me when I broke your heart?" Then again, I don't think the Observer knows how to be anything but sweet....Eating like a horse doesn't change anything - except maybe my pant size.


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