Friday, December 31, 2010

Last day of 2010...

A new beginning is about to begin - 2011. It's New Year's Eve and there's mild rain. Outside is quite warm considering it's winter. I spent today on the phone and computer. Needing air, I headed to the Bagel Store for a multi-grain bagel with butter. It was satisfying. They were just about to close but kindly offered to take my order. I got lucky. Next I browsed Winners. I have yet to buy any clothes. Finding the right size is tricky. Winners is a warehouse.

I don't feel like reflecting on the past year. I've spent the whole year looking back. Forward is more important. Cole and Skylar's births were huge blessings. They have changed me forever. They have filled my heart with joy. Oh babies, I love you!

Getting back together with the Observer was such a gift. I can't thank him enough for his unconditional love. You are my best friend in the world. Wherever you go, I will go too. Be happy always Observer. I love you more than coffee.

The trip to PEI that Dad I took in August was amazing. Lots of visiting, driving, using my aunt Cindi's GPS, and music filled our days. Flying was a bit scary, but I loved being so close to the clouds. Getting to spend three whole days with dad was a bonus too.

Looking ahead, I'm excited for my brother Jeff''s wedding. I love my sister-in-law to be! I can't wait for the babies to talk, walk, smile and turn one! I can't wait for more relaxing evenings with Observer.

I'm just about to throw together the salad to bring to the Observer's party. I'm excited to see friends and laugh. They say we often end the year the same way it begain. If that's true, good friends, good food and fun times are a sweet deal.

I don't often make new Year's resolutions, but this year, my goal is to be happy!!!!!!

On that note, HAPPY 2011!!!!!!!!!!!


Thursday, December 30, 2010

When we're old...

As Thursdays go, this one shaped up well. I went to my weekly appointment which was fine. The taxi driver came right up to the office which was surprising. Normally drivers wait outside. He must have had to use the washroom badly. His first question was "Where is it?" On the taxi, I met two sweet elderly gentleman. One's wife had Alzheimer's and resided in a nursing home. He told me they married in 1955. Another just returned from having lunch with his granddaughter.

Meeting the grandfathers today reminded me of two days after Christmas when everyone - including the Observer - came to the farm to celebrate my uncle Neil's marriage to Linda. I was so happy that the Observer came. His parents drove him in their big red van. Grandpa sat in wheelchair with his eyes closed or slept in his chair. I know he would be happy to know we were together. I wished he could have lunch with me like the man on the taxi.

I went to visit the Observer at his apartment. Since he works until 8 pm most Thursdays, this was a rare treat. We had dinner and enjoyed being together. When we're old, it will be the same story.


Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Shopping and not reading...

My goal is to read everyday. It's ten minutes to my bed-time so that's just not happening. Maybe tomorrow or the next day. My day wasn't productive. I had a kind morning attendant. Her name is Sue. I rarely see her, so catching up was a sweet surprise. She's the kind of lady who would be as kind to you in the next hour as she would if a year past since you last saw her. Hopefully I'm like that too.

I did go to the grocery store for lettuce, apples, dried cranberries, mushrooms, carrots and sweet potatoes. The Observer is hosting a New Years party and I offered to bring a festive salad. I hope it's yummy. I'm excited for the party. Two friends are coming. Christina is my best bud and John is a good friend of the Observer's. A fun night is approaching.

Tomorrow I have an appointment and than I'm visiting the Observer at his apartment. It will be busy, but hopefully I'll get some reading time in there. Here is Cole on Christmas Day at my parents house. He ALWAYS makes me smile....

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Chistmas past...

Well, another Christmas has passed. My nephew and niece made our holiday. Skylar was dressed in a pretty red and white dress.(pictured) She looked so cute!

We celebrated Christmas Eve at Carlie and Mike's house. The observer came which made my night. We had pizza, spring rolls, crackers and cheese, sweet bread cookies and pie. Such a yummy way to start Christmas!

Christmas morning was low key. We had our usual egg casserole, muffins and raisin bread. Carlie and mike brought Skylar early. Once everyone arrived, we watched the babies open gifts. (Well, Cole!) He was excited. Skylar was chilling.

I left at three for the Observer's family. I was sad to say goodbye to the babies, but felt doubly blessed that I had two loving families to spend Christmas with.


Friday, December 24, 2010


Well, it's Christmas Eve! I can't believe 20zen is almost over. I'm excited for Christmas tomorrow. I'm going to my sister's house to hang out with Skylar (the most important person!), my sister and her husband, the Observer, my brother Jeff and my parents. The evening should be low-key.

Tomorrow I'm going to have Christmas morning with my parents and maybe a sibling or two before going to celebrate with the Observe and his family. Hopefully I'll get to see Cole before I leave. I haven't seen him since we made our annual weekend trip to Collingwood. This year it's all about the babies!

Yesterday I went to Whole Foods and bought a gift card for my parents in Yorkville. It's quite the swanky area. I met the Observer at Swiss Chalet and had stir fry. We went to Tim Hortons and a sweet European man bought us coffee and treats. So sweet, wasn't it? His kind spirit put me in the mood for the holidays.

The Observer and I will see each other lots during the next few days. I'm so happy! We're going to my grandparents' for a post wedding celebration for my uncle (Neil). He's not my favourite but I do love the rest of the family.

So much has improved since last Christmas. I'm bigger than I have ever been, but it's is more relaxed and gentle now.

Happy holidays!!!


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Dear Ian,

You're 28 years old today! How's life up in the clouds? I think of you frequently. Maybe you can see us down here. Can you tell when you're missed? I hope so.

Well, life is shaping up well. I haven't heard from your family, but I know your hockey league had a fundraiser in the spring. Your Dad was there.

I can't think of much that happened globally this year. The Toronto Maple Leafs are still horrible. There's been lots in my life. After choosing to be healthier, I am getting my feet back on the ground. I thought of you a lot while coming out of the fog. I used to be hurt that you couldn't talk to me about being sad. Now I get it. Sometimes it's hard to be some one else's other half when half of yourself feels lost.

Remember my boyfriend Luigi? (the guy you met at the Bloorview drop-in?) After five years together, we broke up. I remembered the distance your sadness created for us and didn't want that to happen for Lou and I. After eight months, we reunited. He's the love of my life....

I am so lucky to be healthy. Sometimes life sucks, but I am know it will pass. I'm sorry life shortchanged you, but I'm glad I knew you.

Miss you Leaf freak. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Thursday, December 02, 2010

Away we go (the movie) quotes.....

It's all those good things you have in you. The love, the wisdom, the generosity, the selflessness, the patience. The patience! At 3 A.M. when everyone's awake because Ibrahim is sick and he can't find the bathroom and he's just puked all over Katki's bed. When you blink, when you blink! And it's 5:30 and it's time to get up again and you know you're going to be tired all day, all week, all your fucking life. And you're thinking what happened to Greece? What happened to swimming naked off the coast of Greece? And you have to be willing to make the family out of whatever you have.

Burt Farlander: Do you promise to let our daughter be fat or skinny or any weight at all? Because we want her to be happy, no matter what. Being obsessed with weight is just too cliché for our daughter.
Verona De Tessant: Yes, I do. Do you promise, when she talks, you'll listen? Like, really listen, especially when she's scared? And that her fights will be your fights?
Burt Farlander: I do. And do you promise that if I die some embarrassing and boring death that you're gonna tell our daughter that her father was killed by Russian soldiers in this intense hand-to-hand combat in an attempt to save the lives of 850 Chechnyan orphans?
Verona De Tessant: I do. Chechnyan orphans. I do. I do.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

By chance...

Mom's surgery went well. It's been six days. So far so good. I saw her the day of her operation, but not since. Something tells me giving my parents space is best. In a round a bout way, my sister-in-law said so. I was a bit hurt, but she meant well.

I miss my parents. I miss Mom - and Dad too. I miss her calls every day. I miss her happy, energetic way. She'll be OK. It will just take time.....

I met an eighty five year old woman in Tim Hortons. Rarely do I sit in the shop, but I'm glad I did. The woman was South African. She sounded English. She told me her memory is starting to go. The woman repeated herself a few times. She was told to stay at the table while her daughter ran an errand. I didn't want to leave her. I enjoyed our chat. The woman's daughter said her mom is staying in a "hotel." I have a hunch it's more like a retirement home.

I shopped for lettuce, apples, sweetpotatoes and mini cans of tuna. I stopped by Macdonalds for a free coffee.

I was planning to see a movie with the Obverser. My return ride was too late, so I cancelled. I hope he understood. I miss the Observer. We had coffee and a quick supper last night. I'm glad. I feel torn sometimes. I want to go home, but feel guilty if I do. The Observer gets my thinking...

I went to the library to see if I could listen to Salman Rushdie, but there was no seating. Worth a try, right?

The sun was shining brightly this morning. I have moments, but they don't last. There is good all around. It's a bit like sunshine. Sometimes we have open our eyes wider to notice it.


Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Well, my neice is named Skylar Isabel Ladner Burgess. She gets more beutiful every day. After spending about a week with my Mom and Dad, the new family of three will head home today. My parents will be sad to see them go. Skylar will visit often. Mom's surgery is on Friday. There is so much going on at home.........

It's getting colder out. I'm dreading winter. I still need a proper winter coat. Things will be stressful for a bit with Mom out of commission. On rough days, I will remember that this too shall pass.


Friday, November 12, 2010

I'm grateful for...

- The Observer

- My attendant Carolyn

- Sleeping in

- the song I'm Still Here by Johnny Resnik

- Red grapes

- The woman in the Second Cup line-up who gave 50 cents for my blueberry muffin this morning

- Dr. Mills

- Cory

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Quotes from Chris (on my Facebook)

Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream."
- Mark Twain

"You could take this all away, and I would still have it all. For I have climbed the tree of life, and that is why I am no longer scared to fall."
- Tupac (I think)
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
- Douglas Adams

And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln

For every mile of road, there’s two miles of ditch.

"Derive, I can't derive, I don't even have my license!"
- Lauren Kratz

Arguing on the internet is like running in the special Olympics. Even if you win you're still retarded.

If a girl makes you wear a condom, you probably didn't need it, and if she doesn't make you wear one you probably should have worn two. Life is full of irony.
-Tom Sunnergren

Sunday, November 07, 2010

Miss Ladner Burgess....

Welcome sweet niece!

My sister had a little girl! She was born on Friday, May 5th at 9:30 a.m and weighed 9.25 pounds. The baby was delivered via C-Section. I saw her for the first time on Friday night thanks to Dad who picked me up and took me to Oakville. I was sorry to miss my brother Shane who kept saying he "just wanted to see her naked." Too funny....

Yesterday I went to see the baby with the Observer. Transhelp took us straight to the hospital. My sister looked more like her self. She told us she brushed her hair in honour of our visit. My sister looks beautiful. Her baby is so sweet. We gave her a snow globe shaped as a snowflake that plays music. I feel so connected to that little person. She doesn't have a name. It's going to be Skylar, Isabelle or Maya. I have a hunch my niece will be named Skylar. While unique, I will tell her that her eyes are as blue and pretty as the sky. It's true.


Monday, November 01, 2010

A bump....

Fall is almost finished. The leaves are off the trees. The air is crisp. Mornings are chilly. It's dark at night. Change is in the air.

Life is good. I'm an aunt again. My niece is so pretty. I love her so much. We have a boy and a girl now. Perfect.

Mom is having a hysterectomy in two weeks. She has stage one endometrial cancer. They say she won't need chemo or radiation. We're optimistic. The Observer was with me when Mom told me. What would I do without him?

We've had so many blessings in our family this year. This is a bump.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

R.I.P. Zio Peppe....

MAROTTA, Giuseppe 'Peppe' - With great sadness we announce the passing of Giuseppe on Saturday, October 23, 2010 in Mississauga at the age of 77. Beloved husband of Francesca for 53 years. Loving father of Francesca (Steve), Angela (Silvio), Pina (Frank) and Tanina (Albert). Cherished Nonno of Peter, Christina, Daniel, Joseph, Johnathon, Adam, Michelle, Emily, Michael, Jessica and Bisnonno of Stefano. Friends may call at the Turner & Porter 'Peel' Chapel, 2180 Hurontario St., Mississauga (Hwy. 10, N. of QEW) from 2-4 and 6-9 p.m. on Monday. Funeral Mass will be held at Merciful Redeemer Roman Catholic Church, 2775 Erin Centre Blvd., Mississauga on Tuesday, October 26, 2010 at 10 a.m. Entombment Glen Oaks Mausoleum.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

RIP Mr. Cumming...

CUMMING, Brian Murray: It is with great sadness that we announce that Brian Murray Cumming passed away peacefully on Friday, October 8, 2010 after a long and courageous battle with cancer. A quiet, kind and caring man, Brian will be forever missed by his wife Judy and their children. He was a proud and devoted Dad to Katie Ladner (Shane), Brad Cumming (Kimbie) and Laura Cumming (Colin Pugh). Adoring Grandpa to baby Cole Ladner. Brian loved his family, his farming and his Detroit sports teams: the Red Wings, the Lions and the Tigers. Brian enjoyed the simple things in life and spent many hours creating “nature walks” on the farm to better enjoy the outdoors and the wildlife with his family. Brian is the son of Evelyn and the late Murray Cumming. He is also survived by his sisters Linda Dunlop (Lloyd) and Bonnie Kotwa (Rick) and their families. Visitation will take place at the Bowman Funeral Home, 4 Victoria Ave., Chatham (519-352-2390) on Sunday, October 10, 2010, from 2-4pm and 7-9pm. Funeral service will be held at the funeral home on Monday, October 11 at 11:00am followed by cremation. A private interment will take place at McVicar Cemetery at a later date. Those wishing to make a donation in Brian’s memory are asked to consider either the Chemo Unit/Cancer Clinic at the CKHA or Princess Margaret Hospital, Toronto. Online condolences may be made at

My new favourte things...

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things..

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short, shrunken frames,
When we remember our favourite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Only You...

Looking from the window above
It's like a story of love
Can you hear me

Came back only yesterday
Who went further away
Want you near me

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

Sometimes when I think of her name
When it's only a game and I need you

Listen to the words that you say
It's getting harder to stay when I need you

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

This is gonna take a long time and I wonder what's mine
Can't take no more

Wonder if you'll understand
It's just the touch of your hand behind a closed door

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

- J. Radin

Friday, October 08, 2010

I'm grateful for...

- My dad turning 58

- sushi

- my sister having a baby

- my new haircut

- my boyfriend

- my mom

- my health


Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Street people...

I'm visiting the Observer. He's taking a shower. Afterwards, he smells so fresh. Comedy Gold is on TV. It's Designing Women. Classic TV.

Dad turns fifty eight tomorrow. This morning I bought him a funny birthday card to go with his Tim Hortons gift card.

Do you ever think about the people you've passed on the street? Maybe you've met them before? Maybe they know people you do? Maybe they are part of your past or future? One thing's for sure, they are a part of your present -however short it is.


Thursday, September 30, 2010

Love quotes

"Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful."

-Bishop Jeremy Taylor

"I mean, what I always thought was that there was this one, one perfect person for everybody in the world, you know, and when you found that person, uh, the rest of the world just kinda magically faded away and... and you know, the two of you would just be inside this kind of protective bubble. But there is no bubble, or if there is, we have to make it. I just think life is more than a series of moments, you know, it's... it's... we can make choices and we can choose to protect the people we love and that's what makes us who we are, and those are the real miracles!"

The movie Forces Of Nature

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Thursday, September 23, 2010

More Grey's Anatomy Quotes..

I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy. Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it coming, and I don't know how you fit it on a map. You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules, maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself.

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say, they're what you do. Some things you say cause there's no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.”

*Can you tell I'm excited for the season premire tonight?

Monday, September 20, 2010

Love and stuff...

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy)

Ever since I was young I never understood anything about the world, and I never understood anything that happened in my life. The only thing that ever made sense to me was you, and how I felt about you. That's all I've ever known and that's enough, that's enough for me for the rest of my life."

- Boy Meets World

"We ended up having one of those conversations where you feel like there is no use hiding anything anymore, you've just given yourself so entirely to the other person that you feel like running around your apartment and opening up your drawers and closets and cabinets and pulling out all sorts of shameful things and arraying them on the bedspread and shouting, 'Look at this! And this! But love me!'"

- The Big Love

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say, find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is, there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

- Meet Joe Black

Friday, September 10, 2010

PJ time...

Psst! I have a secret. I watch Jersey Shore on Thursday nights. It's like a double x rated Itailian version of Big Brother. It's mindless, dirty entertaiment. I'm ashamed to say how funny I find the show. It's a past-time the Observer and I both share. Snookie is my favourite. She has no shame.

I hung out with the Observer on Friday. We went to Caseys. Later Des and I met for coffee. Actually I had green tea and lemon poppy seed loaf. They asked us to leave as they were closing. It was only ten o'clock. I couldn't have smelled that bad. On Saturday we went to Caseys again. They recognized us. I went home in my pjs. Getting picked up from the hotel, I realized that a lot of people probably stroll around with their PJ's on. Being comfy is key - even if you're not a hotel guest.


Thursday, September 09, 2010

Fall and a sick puppy...

Fall is in the air. I can it. It's been a while since I've blogged. Life is mostly good. The Observer and I have been hanging out lots. We saw Eat, Pray, Love. Can you say, "long movie?" We went to the Ex with my friend Christina. Being Saturday, the place was hot and crowded. The next day we saw the movie Paparazzo. Actually, it was a documentary. I liked it, even though Parish Hilton was it.

We saw Going The Distance this past Saturday. It was sweet. I went to twenty-fifth wedding anniversary of the Observer. I was nervous to see his family, but they welcomed me as they always have. I'm lucky.

On Labour Day, my family had an early dinner. The Observer and I were both asked to be in my brother's wedding party. I'm honoured.

I hung out with my friend Daniele on Tuesday. We went to Timothy's, had coffee and went exploring. There's nothing like an afternoon with a good friend.

Last night I met the Observer for a quick Swiss Chalet dinner. My parents' dog Riley is in hospital with dehydration. Poor thing....feel better sweet puppy! On the upside, the leaves are changing. I love fall!


Thursday, August 26, 2010


I have found my way.
Maybe I needed to get lost first.
Life isn't easy for any of us.
It's work.
and risk.
It's planning
It's trusting.
It's loving.
It's laughing
It's crying.
It's living.
It's now.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

PEI recap

My Dad took me to PEI. My uncle Gorden's step-son got married. I got VERY nervous flying, but held in my cereal.

We visited Greta, Dad's second Mom. She talked to us like we saw her yesterday. We went to an Italian restaurant on the water.

On Saturday, we took a walk on the boardwalk and ate Starbucks bagels. The wedding was simple. I enjoyed dancing.

On Sunday we went to Tyne valley church. We visited my grandparents' graves and said goodbye to my uncles and aunt. I got chocked up saying goodbye to uncle Gorden. He's my favourite.

I'll never forget the trip. My Dad is the best father around. I missed the Observer. Thank goodness for texting.


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

So very blessed...

I am happy to say that my boyfriend is back! I am happy. He read my letter, we talked and connected and got back together. He has always been the one. I needed space and distance. I am so grateful for his love. I hope I can make him as happy as he has made me. I feel like I have a new boyfriend who already knows that I drool on my pillow, laugh when I'm nervous and stiffen when I'm upset. The Observer is my very best friend. If we can't live without each other, why should we?

We've hung out a lot. It's new and sweet and exciting, but there's history and familiarity too. I hope he knows that I'll stay with him forever.

I'm going to PEI with Dad on Friday. I'm excited. A friend of the Observer's just lost her father. I'm so sad. She's amazing. Her loss is a reminder to cherish our loved ones. I love my Dad. I'll miss the Observer too. I'll be super excited to come home to him. How lucky am to travel with greatest man I know and come home to another great man? I am one blessed b**ch.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

The life that I have....

The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours
The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.
A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.
Leo Marks

Sunday, August 08, 2010

End Of The World...

Don't say goodnight
Cuz there's no tomorrow.
You gotta fly
And we'll never have this moment again.
Standing on the Edge on the Edge of something;
I see it when I look in your eyes.
Baby take my hand cuz it's all or nothing;
This could be the greatest goodbye.

[CHORUS]Baby Tonight
I'm gonna kiss you like the End of the World
End of the World.
Yeah tonight we're gonna kiss like it's the End of the World
End of the World

It's quarter to one
Tomorrow is callin'.
Soon you'll be gone
And will we ever be together again.
Standing on the Edge on the Edge of something;

I see it when I look in your eyes.
Baby take my hand cuz it's all or nothing;
This could be the greatest goodbye.

Ooh Ooh We'll make the moment last forever
Cuz baby tonight were gonna kiss like it's the End of the World
End of the WorldOh Oh Oh Yeah-yeah
We're standing on the Edge on the Edge of something.
Yeah Yeah Yeah
Baby take my hand cuz it's all or nothing.

[CHORUS] x2Ooh Ooh We'll make the moment last forever
Cuz baby tonight were gonna kiss like it's the End of the World
End of the World

Friday, August 06, 2010

Dear Observer...

Do you know how amazing you are? I do. I love you. That has never changed. It never will. You are my very best friend. It's unthinkable to imagine life without you. Perhaps that's the difference between LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with them. I can't stop talking to you. Maybe that means I never should. I want you to be happy - whether you are with me or not.

I need to tell you that I feel guilty for breaking your heart. All you did was love me through thick and thin (literally!) I needed to get on track with my health. There is nothing you could have done. My demons are mine. You showed me unconditional and pure love in my darkest days. You are a man in the truest sense.

I know the last eight months haven't been easy on you. Thank you for being there for me, especially during my fling. Meeting an average guy showed me just how lucky I was to have you. In a way, it drew me to you ever more because I realized how lucky I am to have you. They don't come better. When I heard about Terri Lynn, my whole heart filled with jealousy. I carry so much love, respect and attraction for you. To think of someone else kissing, loving, holding and being close to you drives me mad. HOWEVER, I want you to be happy. Please be honest with me: Do you like Terri Lynn? Kevin wasn't honest with me and I ended up getting very hurt, so please be truthful. I deserve that and so do you. We have always told each other everything - painful stuff too.

Something has been eating at me for many years. I have not finished university. People think I have graduated, but I dropped out four years ago. I wasn't happy in my program, but Mom and Dad just wanted me to finish. I was too embarrassed to say I wasn't happy so I lied - to you, my family and myself. It's wrong. I'm so sorry. You are the only one who knows. I want to be truthful. My goal is to start school again and find something that makes me happy - like you have. You are my role model. I'm proud of you. It's going to take awhile to become established, but I'm not going to give up on myself.

I want to build a life, live as a couple and get married. Before all I could think about was being thin. Now I want to life. I want love and laughter, wine, love-making and kissing. I want to be with you. I am a bit scared and think we ought to go slow. I'm willing to give you everything I have if you'll take it.

I respect whatever you decide. I will love you forever. Life is short. Be happy.


Thursday, August 05, 2010

Dirty, dirty, dirty....

I went to Union Station yesterday. I saw Metric give a free concert. There was a man engaged in lude behaviour sitting at a cafe.....I was very disturbed and jumped out of my skin.

I had TWO Second Cup chillers, a bagel with cream cheese, a granola bar, pizza and a burrito. Too much food man. Still though, the day was good.

Music makes everything better - so does my friend Christina.


Wednesday, August 04, 2010

A coffee miss..

Last night I went a women's mentorship training. It was a continuation of the training I did in June. The skankie girl named Saba who hooked up with Kevin didn't show up. I was fine with that. We had greasy chicken, salad, bread and fruit. They gave us group assignments. We have to do a fifteen minute presentation on Princess Diana.

Later, I went to Starbucks and tried a java chip frappicuno. It was chocolaty. I was slurping back the frozen bits when a cute stranger told me he hated "getting the last bit of frapps." I smiled and agreed.

On the way home, I saw Zia. He's a dude I ran into on the bus two years ago. We clicked. I've emailed, and talked to bus drivers about him. No luck - until last when he was right in front of me. I instantly felt shy. He's the dude I've been talking about forever. I heard him say, "Are you.....?" I'm ashamed to say I sped way before we made direct contact. Ahhhh! Will we ever met again? Who knows, but I'm going to repeat last night's Starbucks run just in case. I'm ordering another frapicuno, but it'll be caramel this time. A little sweetness can't hurt....


Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Reality love...

My family is everything. Dad picked me up on Saturday because I had severe tummy trouble. It's been so long. I forgot what it feels like. He saved me. I read The Heart Of The Matter - a very light book outside in the sun the next day. Mom worked. Grandma called to say Grandpa wouldn't move from his chair all day. She was crying. I said grace for our quiche dinner. It must have worked because Grandpa moved from his chair! We watched the show Army Wives later. It's good.

Cole visited with his Mom. He's amazing. Cole looks just about ready to roll over. Dad kept making him laugh.

We had a bachelorette party last night. What a silly show! It was entertaining. I got home late, but it was worth it. The things we do for love.......


Sunday, August 01, 2010


I came to dance, dance, dance, dance
I hit the floor
'Cause that's my, plans, plans, plans, plans
I'm wearing all my favorite
Plans, plans, plans, plans

Give me space for both my hands, hands, hands, hands
You, you
Cause it goes on and on and on
And it goes on and on and on

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO
Gotta let go

I wanna celebrate and live my life
Saying AYO
Baby, let's go'
Cause we gon' rock this club
We gon' go all night
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite

Cause I told you once
Now I told you twice
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite

I came to move, move, move, move
Get out the way me and my crew, crew, crew, crew
I'm in the club so I'm gonna do, do, do, do

Just drop the phone, came here to do, do, do, do
Yeah, yeah
Cause it goes on and on and on
And it goes on and on and on

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO
Gotta let go
Dynamite (Taio Cruz)

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Man crazy....

It's sunny out today. This morning I went to the St. Lawrence Market. Forgetting to check how much cash was in my wallet, I played it safe and bought a small strudel for my parents. I had enough, but better safe than sorry. I bought myself a bagel, an apple and a banana. My visit home was good. There was a delay on the Go-Train. Something about the doors not closing. I listened to a guy in a wheelchair talk to his Mom....I sat across from a pregnant lady. Dad stood the whole trip. Good man, he is....

There is a lot of wedding and baby talk in my family. It makes sense. I saw an old taxi driver. He's a good guy but got a bit too personal. He asked me ALL about my break-up. Whatever.....People have opinions. I have choices...I heard his opinion. I saw my favourite Wheel-trans driver. She heard all my men tales. She knows all the guys I referred to. The man beside me must of thought I was man crazy. He'd be partly right....

I'm seeing Danielle tomorrow and going home for the August 1st holiday. We're having a Bachlorette finale party. I can't believe I watch it. It's my choice.


Friday, July 30, 2010

Letting go...

One wrong number can sure mess up my day. I booked my ride to visit my parents' backwards yesterday afternoon. I touched the wrong preregisted location and totally screwed my plans up. As usual, my Dad is coming to my rescue. We're meeting at Union Station and taking the Go-Train home. What would I do without my amazing Dad? I hate to even imagine.....My sister and her husband are coming for dinner too. I love seeing her growing belly. There's someone in there!

I couldn't sleep last night. Worried over my ride and conflicts over letting go, sleep just wouldn't come. Argh......I watched TV. I saw an episode of The Golden Girls that I had never seen before. It was about Rose and made me laugh. Rose had such an innocently sweet character. I watched Much More Music and saw the video for the song Dynamite by Taio Cruz. That tune makes me happy anytime, anywhere. If I could swing my hips...

Why is it so hard to let go? Why does it hurt? I want to look ahead - not back, but it's hard....I'm afraid I'll never find the person I am meant to be with forever. I was with the greatest man in the world for four and a half years. I was loved so deeply. We have such a strong connection. He knows me best. What if I never find that with someone new? I'm scared of letting go of the past. I love the Observer. I want HIM to find his soulmate too...

I'm cold sitting here wearing my blue and green flowered capri pants. Soon outside will turn to fall. I'll remember these days and wish for summer again. People say the hardest part of letting go is not looking back. They are right.


Thursday, July 29, 2010


I'm hungry - not starving, just hungry. I want a big grocery store bagel. Blueberry or pumpernickel would be delicious .

Last night I watched To Kill A Mockingbird. I love that movie. I took it out from the library and it came with a bonus DVD interviewing Gregory Peck. He was a top notch movie star, a man of distinction, talent, class and wisdom. I discovered his son committed suicide at thirty.

If I ever have a son, I want to name him Gregory. Maybe as a middle name. My favourite guy in the world is named Gregory, so it works. Gregs are great - at least those I know.

A homeless man stumped on the street today. How could I have helped? The Gregorys. I know best would have. Here's a photo of a fish called Saint Paul's Gregory. Who knew there was such a fish?

Well, I'm going to go get a blueberry bagel! Yum!


Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Thinking less...

Again, it's been a week. I'm slacking man. My weekend was fun. The women's BBQ was alright. Looking at the older females, it struck me that gravity shifts things south as we age. We best enjoy life now. We ate hamburgers. I asked for a veggie burger, but got a hamburger instead. It's alright. I sat with Gabby, Danielle, Jean and Eileen. Jean is 72. She's smart, happy and funny. hopefully that's how I'll be when I'm seventy two. We went to Tim Hortons and chatted over coffee. It was a nice night to wheel home.

On Saturday I spit coffee on my black pants on the way home. I showered with Mom's help, ate cookies, stared at Cole and left for Katerine's house. We had such a fun night. Katherine's family is like ours. Cole was the center of the night. He slept and ate. Jeff LOVES Cole. He holds him like Shane. Cole sucked on Jeff's bicep. It was HILARIOUS! We played a food trivia game. I held Katherine's giant albino guinea pig named Angel. She was cute in a freaky way. I got to see Cole get his last bottle and change into his duck pajamas. That was the best part of my weekend.

I saw the Observer on Sunday. We watched Grown Ups and went to Casesys. Grown-ups was so funny. I tried a poppy seed chicken sandwich with a salad. I enjoyed hanging with the Observer.

On Monday Des and I had coffee. I drank too much and exploded. Still, I'm glad I saw Des. I watched The Bachlorette: The Men Tell All. It's silly, but I still watch it. There's something to be said for that.

Yesterday I had a make-up training day for Mentoring. It was hot out. I bought pizza for dinner and a bagel, a toasted coconut doughnut and poppy seed loaf for lunch. Lots of food, but today's a new day. I met my friend who lives in my building at Starbucks. I had a venti orange green tea. It was yummy.

I'm less sad now. Kevin is a good guy, but there's lots around. They say, act like a lady, think like a man. I don't know if I can. Maybe I'll start by thinking less.


Friday, July 23, 2010


I feel fat....i have these doughnut rolls on my tummy now. I'm trying to stay calm and not overeat or undereat. Balance, right?

Music sounds beautiful now. It doesn't matter what song. I hear sounds, feel things and am engaged in living.

I went to the market today. I'm going to a BBQ tonight and home tomorrow. Life is alright. I'm livin'


Thursday, July 22, 2010


I've been laying low lately. I hung out with my friend Des on Thursday. We went to a pub/bar. I had two chocolate shakes. The next day I lost my change purse sowhere around Secound Cup when I bought a chiller. i'm addicted to those milkshake/coffee beverages.

On saturday i met my friend Christina at Square One. We had lunch at Marche. I went to my parents' after and had a major chocolate craving. The movie Can't Hardly Wait was on TV. I love that flick.

On Sunday, the Observer and I watched Despicable Me. It was so cute! We went to Sarbucks later and he treated me to an iced coffee with milk. I came home and saw Cole. He rocks...anytime.

I've been sad since my fling ended, but life is made of good moments and that's exactly what they were.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Days gone-by....

Ah, it's been FOREVER since I've blogged. I had peer mentor training for the last two weeks. It's been okay. Girl power is something....

Well, I got dumped. It's okay....we only hung out for a bit. Nice guy, but a bit too into playing the field. I'm too old for games.

On Thursday, I saw two co-workers fighting outside an office building. Very intense and scary.

On Friday, I met Christina at Union Station. I had lemon cake, a chocolate chiller and MacDonald's fries....eek. dad and i took the go bus home.

i visited Cloe, had a BBQ, saw grumpy grandpa and watched the bachelorette. such a silly show. yesterday i had sushi with my friend in my building...good times!

- ocg

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Every girl needs girls...

it's hot today.....I've been in peer mentoring training for the last days. I've got today and Friday off. i saw 101 Dalmatians on VHS at my parents' house and toy story 3 in theaters with Kevin. they are both cute movies.

i think i blew it with Kevin. he went out with a colleague of mine on Sunday. i accused him of playing games. the colleague has a boyfriend...oops! i think i hurt his feelings. my friends told me not to be so impulsive. oops! if he likes me, i'll hear from him. if not, oh well.

after training, i had dinner with Danielle. she made yummy shrimp fettuccine. we chatted about men.

every woman needs woman friends. i have them and I'm so glad.

- ocg

Friday, July 02, 2010

Round three!

Well, my brother Jeff is engaged to his amazing girlfriend Katherine. He got Katherine's family and our family all together at Cagneys and they arrived shortly after he proposed. Both of them were glowing and very emotional. What a special night....I think it was everything Jeff hoped for. My baby brother is getting married! I can't believe it! Our family is about to have two babies and a wedding! I can't wait! What a year! Our dinner was fun and special. Katherine has a great family. I like her sister Laura...

All afternoon Mom was dying with suspense. She started to cry as soon as she saw the huge table Jeff reserved. I ate chicken and sundried tomato penne. It was yummy....I came back to the city exhausted but happy.

A new movie theater opened right next door to my building. They plqayed free movies for two days. I saw Julie and Juilia. I've seen it already, but it's amazing and I didn't have to rent it. The weather was beautiful, so I felt like a proud Canadian.


Wednesday, June 30, 2010

All I've gained...

These days are sweet. I feel as though I've waken up after being asleep for a whole year. Music makes me happy. If I could swing my hips, watch out! I am craving chocolate big time. I'm having trouble controlling it. Most women do, so at least I'm not alone. I like brownies from Second Cup or Timothy's. Lemon poppy seed cake is delicious....I'm so big, but so happy.

The top of my joystick fell off....My mind is going to dirty places. My favourite technician came to replace it this morning.

Tomorrow is Canada Day...I still have my weekly appointment. Going reminds me of all I gained. Maybe that makes my sessions worthwhile.

Have a happy Canada Day!


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Such excitment!

I met my friend Des at the market today. It was unplanned. I bumped into her while buying a veggie pita. She had an appointment so while she was gone, I bought tokens and biscotti. Later we went to Second Cup and I had a brownie and expresso chiller. I'm ramped on coffee.

I'm going home tomorrow because my brother Jeff asked me. I think he's getting engaged!!!!!! My whole family agrees. TWO new babies and a wedding...It's amazing to be a part of such a wicked family.

Yesterday a guy fell into my lap...I'm still smiling over it.


Monday, June 28, 2010

It's been a week....

Well, it's Monday. At this time last week, I went to Buffalo with my Mom and sister. We shopped. I bought sexy new white jeans and a purple top from the Gap. We bought baby stuff from Target, Carters and Babies R Us. I can't believe my sister has a growing bun in her oven! It warms my ticker. On Tuesday I went to the dietitian. I've gained five pounds. She was OK about it - I was freaking. After finding out I gained, I ate a big brownie, two pieces of poppy seed cake, a skinny vanilla latte and vegan pizza. Odd, isn't it? I'd like to say the next day was better, but no. I had three frappicunnos, two Starbucks scones and two slices of lemon poppy seed cake....That's not right.

We had an earthquake on Wednesday. I was in Starbucks. Where else would I be? At first I thought the shaking was the streetcar tracks but then it seemed strong. I wondered if a bomb would come through the floor. For a second, I was confronted knowing I would die in my favourite place.

On Thursday I went my appointment. We talked about my overeating. My doctor is always one ahead of me. I hate that.....Friday was the start of madness in our city. We just had the G20 summit in our city. Store windows are smashed, businesses are boarded up and police cars were set ablaze. For a protest, Dad says it was pretty normal....The Starbucks damage makes me mad...

I was home for the protest. I left on Thursday and returned last night. I kept busy so the time passed. I went to Trinty Commom plaza on Friday. The weather was beautiful. I bumped in my brother-in-law. We chatted. He kissed my head and it made me smile. No good movies were playing, so I hung out at Starbucks and went to Casesys for a veggie burger and sweetpotato fries. A little boy cried in the restaurant. It broke my heart. He looked at me through sad, wet eyes. Poor dude.

On Saturday, I met Christina and the Observer at Square One. The Observer bought me the new Jack Johnston album and treated my friend and I to dinner Moxys. That guy...*thank you Observer* I watched the protest with Mom and Dad. I found the events disturbing and took the damage personally. I live where they were vandalizing. Watching the police made me worry about my brother. He was OK. We watched It's Complicated. I loved it.

Yesterday my Mom and sister and I drove to Chatham for Cole's baby shower. I sat in the backseat and kept falling over. Mom couldn't find me in the rear view mirror. The shower was fun. Cole slept and got passed around. It was a long drive but we went on behalf of Cole and my brother. They are worth it. I enjoyed being home but am glad to return to my freedom. Today someone asked me how I am. "I'm livin' '' I said. In the elevator last night, someone saw my backpacks of clean laundry and thought I was protester. I believe in livin' peacefully too, but not enough to take the streets.


Sunday, June 20, 2010

dusting off...

It's sunny and beautiful out today. I'm been stuffing myself with food. Argh! I'm going home's Father's day.

Tomorrow I'm going to the states with my Mom and sister...i'll get back on isn't over yet.

I'm grateful for my dad - always.


I love my Dad because........

* He taught me how to be kind.....

* Dad has a warm smile and eyes

* He loves me no matter what

* Dad has a great sense of humour

* He loves my Mom