Friday, January 29, 2010

Winter sunshine...


It's winter outside again today. Oh well, it's refreshing.....kind of. I listened to music this morning and felt the sun streaming through my window. It's healing. I'm glad there is sunshine. It makes any pain or cold more bearable. Everyday I have waves of sadness. Why is it hitting me now? There are so many memories in my head - so much laughter. Some relationships end because of pain. Not mine. I still love the Observer, but I understand that we're not meant to be together. I think of my snappy remarks, how we rarely went out for dinner, and my lack of affectionate behaviour towards him and I feel sad.. Sometimes I hurt the Observer because I was hurting. Maybe it wasn't obvious to him, but I often regretted my actions and words. The Observer always treated me with love and I often acted out of pain....sometimes I wanted to disappear.

Truthfully, life sucks a lot these days. I feel so big, alone and crazy, but I try to smile anyway. If the sun is out, maybe it's telling me to look up.

- OCG

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