Thursday, August 26, 2010


I have found my way.
Maybe I needed to get lost first.
Life isn't easy for any of us.
It's work.
and risk.
It's planning
It's trusting.
It's loving.
It's laughing
It's crying.
It's living.
It's now.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

PEI recap

My Dad took me to PEI. My uncle Gorden's step-son got married. I got VERY nervous flying, but held in my cereal.

We visited Greta, Dad's second Mom. She talked to us like we saw her yesterday. We went to an Italian restaurant on the water.

On Saturday, we took a walk on the boardwalk and ate Starbucks bagels. The wedding was simple. I enjoyed dancing.

On Sunday we went to Tyne valley church. We visited my grandparents' graves and said goodbye to my uncles and aunt. I got chocked up saying goodbye to uncle Gorden. He's my favourite.

I'll never forget the trip. My Dad is the best father around. I missed the Observer. Thank goodness for texting.


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

So very blessed...

I am happy to say that my boyfriend is back! I am happy. He read my letter, we talked and connected and got back together. He has always been the one. I needed space and distance. I am so grateful for his love. I hope I can make him as happy as he has made me. I feel like I have a new boyfriend who already knows that I drool on my pillow, laugh when I'm nervous and stiffen when I'm upset. The Observer is my very best friend. If we can't live without each other, why should we?

We've hung out a lot. It's new and sweet and exciting, but there's history and familiarity too. I hope he knows that I'll stay with him forever.

I'm going to PEI with Dad on Friday. I'm excited. A friend of the Observer's just lost her father. I'm so sad. She's amazing. Her loss is a reminder to cherish our loved ones. I love my Dad. I'll miss the Observer too. I'll be super excited to come home to him. How lucky am to travel with greatest man I know and come home to another great man? I am one blessed b**ch.


Thursday, August 12, 2010

The life that I have....

The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours
The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.
A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.
Leo Marks

Sunday, August 08, 2010

End Of The World...

Don't say goodnight
Cuz there's no tomorrow.
You gotta fly
And we'll never have this moment again.
Standing on the Edge on the Edge of something;
I see it when I look in your eyes.
Baby take my hand cuz it's all or nothing;
This could be the greatest goodbye.

[CHORUS]Baby Tonight
I'm gonna kiss you like the End of the World
End of the World.
Yeah tonight we're gonna kiss like it's the End of the World
End of the World

It's quarter to one
Tomorrow is callin'.
Soon you'll be gone
And will we ever be together again.
Standing on the Edge on the Edge of something;

I see it when I look in your eyes.
Baby take my hand cuz it's all or nothing;
This could be the greatest goodbye.

Ooh Ooh We'll make the moment last forever
Cuz baby tonight were gonna kiss like it's the End of the World
End of the WorldOh Oh Oh Yeah-yeah
We're standing on the Edge on the Edge of something.
Yeah Yeah Yeah
Baby take my hand cuz it's all or nothing.

[CHORUS] x2Ooh Ooh We'll make the moment last forever
Cuz baby tonight were gonna kiss like it's the End of the World
End of the World

Friday, August 06, 2010

Dear Observer...

Do you know how amazing you are? I do. I love you. That has never changed. It never will. You are my very best friend. It's unthinkable to imagine life without you. Perhaps that's the difference between LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with them. I can't stop talking to you. Maybe that means I never should. I want you to be happy - whether you are with me or not.

I need to tell you that I feel guilty for breaking your heart. All you did was love me through thick and thin (literally!) I needed to get on track with my health. There is nothing you could have done. My demons are mine. You showed me unconditional and pure love in my darkest days. You are a man in the truest sense.

I know the last eight months haven't been easy on you. Thank you for being there for me, especially during my fling. Meeting an average guy showed me just how lucky I was to have you. In a way, it drew me to you ever more because I realized how lucky I am to have you. They don't come better. When I heard about Terri Lynn, my whole heart filled with jealousy. I carry so much love, respect and attraction for you. To think of someone else kissing, loving, holding and being close to you drives me mad. HOWEVER, I want you to be happy. Please be honest with me: Do you like Terri Lynn? Kevin wasn't honest with me and I ended up getting very hurt, so please be truthful. I deserve that and so do you. We have always told each other everything - painful stuff too.

Something has been eating at me for many years. I have not finished university. People think I have graduated, but I dropped out four years ago. I wasn't happy in my program, but Mom and Dad just wanted me to finish. I was too embarrassed to say I wasn't happy so I lied - to you, my family and myself. It's wrong. I'm so sorry. You are the only one who knows. I want to be truthful. My goal is to start school again and find something that makes me happy - like you have. You are my role model. I'm proud of you. It's going to take awhile to become established, but I'm not going to give up on myself.

I want to build a life, live as a couple and get married. Before all I could think about was being thin. Now I want to life. I want love and laughter, wine, love-making and kissing. I want to be with you. I am a bit scared and think we ought to go slow. I'm willing to give you everything I have if you'll take it.

I respect whatever you decide. I will love you forever. Life is short. Be happy.


Thursday, August 05, 2010

Dirty, dirty, dirty....

I went to Union Station yesterday. I saw Metric give a free concert. There was a man engaged in lude behaviour sitting at a cafe.....I was very disturbed and jumped out of my skin.

I had TWO Second Cup chillers, a bagel with cream cheese, a granola bar, pizza and a burrito. Too much food man. Still though, the day was good.

Music makes everything better - so does my friend Christina.


Wednesday, August 04, 2010

A coffee miss..

Last night I went a women's mentorship training. It was a continuation of the training I did in June. The skankie girl named Saba who hooked up with Kevin didn't show up. I was fine with that. We had greasy chicken, salad, bread and fruit. They gave us group assignments. We have to do a fifteen minute presentation on Princess Diana.

Later, I went to Starbucks and tried a java chip frappicuno. It was chocolaty. I was slurping back the frozen bits when a cute stranger told me he hated "getting the last bit of frapps." I smiled and agreed.

On the way home, I saw Zia. He's a dude I ran into on the bus two years ago. We clicked. I've emailed, and talked to bus drivers about him. No luck - until last when he was right in front of me. I instantly felt shy. He's the dude I've been talking about forever. I heard him say, "Are you.....?" I'm ashamed to say I sped way before we made direct contact. Ahhhh! Will we ever met again? Who knows, but I'm going to repeat last night's Starbucks run just in case. I'm ordering another frapicuno, but it'll be caramel this time. A little sweetness can't hurt....


Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Reality love...

My family is everything. Dad picked me up on Saturday because I had severe tummy trouble. It's been so long. I forgot what it feels like. He saved me. I read The Heart Of The Matter - a very light book outside in the sun the next day. Mom worked. Grandma called to say Grandpa wouldn't move from his chair all day. She was crying. I said grace for our quiche dinner. It must have worked because Grandpa moved from his chair! We watched the show Army Wives later. It's good.

Cole visited with his Mom. He's amazing. Cole looks just about ready to roll over. Dad kept making him laugh.

We had a bachelorette party last night. What a silly show! It was entertaining. I got home late, but it was worth it. The things we do for love.......


Sunday, August 01, 2010


I came to dance, dance, dance, dance
I hit the floor
'Cause that's my, plans, plans, plans, plans
I'm wearing all my favorite
Plans, plans, plans, plans

Give me space for both my hands, hands, hands, hands
You, you
Cause it goes on and on and on
And it goes on and on and on

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO
Gotta let go

I wanna celebrate and live my life
Saying AYO
Baby, let's go'
Cause we gon' rock this club
We gon' go all night
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite

Cause I told you once
Now I told you twice
We gon' light it up
Like it's dynamite

I came to move, move, move, move
Get out the way me and my crew, crew, crew, crew
I'm in the club so I'm gonna do, do, do, do

Just drop the phone, came here to do, do, do, do
Yeah, yeah
Cause it goes on and on and on
And it goes on and on and on

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes
Saying AYO
Gotta let go
Dynamite (Taio Cruz)