Friday, August 06, 2010

Dear Observer...

Do you know how amazing you are? I do. I love you. That has never changed. It never will. You are my very best friend. It's unthinkable to imagine life without you. Perhaps that's the difference between LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with them. I can't stop talking to you. Maybe that means I never should. I want you to be happy - whether you are with me or not.

I need to tell you that I feel guilty for breaking your heart. All you did was love me through thick and thin (literally!) I needed to get on track with my health. There is nothing you could have done. My demons are mine. You showed me unconditional and pure love in my darkest days. You are a man in the truest sense.

I know the last eight months haven't been easy on you. Thank you for being there for me, especially during my fling. Meeting an average guy showed me just how lucky I was to have you. In a way, it drew me to you ever more because I realized how lucky I am to have you. They don't come better. When I heard about Terri Lynn, my whole heart filled with jealousy. I carry so much love, respect and attraction for you. To think of someone else kissing, loving, holding and being close to you drives me mad. HOWEVER, I want you to be happy. Please be honest with me: Do you like Terri Lynn? Kevin wasn't honest with me and I ended up getting very hurt, so please be truthful. I deserve that and so do you. We have always told each other everything - painful stuff too.

Something has been eating at me for many years. I have not finished university. People think I have graduated, but I dropped out four years ago. I wasn't happy in my program, but Mom and Dad just wanted me to finish. I was too embarrassed to say I wasn't happy so I lied - to you, my family and myself. It's wrong. I'm so sorry. You are the only one who knows. I want to be truthful. My goal is to start school again and find something that makes me happy - like you have. You are my role model. I'm proud of you. It's going to take awhile to become established, but I'm not going to give up on myself.

I want to build a life, live as a couple and get married. Before all I could think about was being thin. Now I want to life. I want love and laughter, wine, love-making and kissing. I want to be with you. I am a bit scared and think we ought to go slow. I'm willing to give you everything I have if you'll take it.

I respect whatever you decide. I will love you forever. Life is short. Be happy.



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