Saturday, December 31, 2011

happy New Year!

I hope you have all had a great holiday! The new year is just around the corner. However you spend it, be safe! I have no resolutions. I do need to find enjoyable work. This will take time...
Skylar started walking on Christmas. So special. I've enjoyed the holidays with the Observer. The year as a whole has been good. I'm not so obsessed with weight and not as chubby as last year. Sweets are not as triggering. My brother is better from his summer car accident. Thank goodness. His drinking seems under control too.
My biggest news is getting engaged. I still can't believe it. This coming year will be exciting. I'm off to watch New Years Eve with the Observer, John and Christina. There will be pizza and laughter. In true OCG style, I'm off to Starbucks!

Happy New Year!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

On Christmas 2011, I'm grateful for...

* Being ENGAGED to the love of my life
* My oldest brother's recovery from his car accident
* treatment my brother received for his issues with alcohol
* My twin brother getting married
* my weight stabilizing
* The books Middlesex, One Day and Under An Afghan Sky
* Netflix
* Pomegranate tea
* My mom's year of good health
* Skylar and Cole turning one
* Two new elevators in my apartment building
* Loblaws next door
* The Observer being so excited about getting dejay recognition
* Adel
* family every day to love 

If you're reading this, thank you and Happy Holidays!!!

- Love, OCG

Monday, October 03, 2011


Today I saw the movie 50/50 staring Joseph Gorden-Levitt and Seth Rogen. The story was bittersweet, real and funny. I enjoyed the movie. So did the Observer.

Here is a song I really enjoyed from the movie called The Other Side Of Mt. Heart Attack by The Liars:

I promise to refrain from posting too many YouTube videos!

It's raining tonight. Wherever you're reading this, I hope you are dry!


Sunday, October 02, 2011

How wonderful life is....

My twin brother Jeff's wedding was yesterday. What a beautiful day! This had to be my favorite wedding yet. It was cold but not unbearable. I was very emotional. Jeff is not just my brother. He is my friend. I love his new wife Katherine. I know they will be together forever. They just fit.

 The photographer was my best friend April and her boyfriend, Dave. The pictures will be amazing. Jeff broke down while talking about his wife and thanking my parents. I cried too. On my wedding day, I will do the same. How can I possibility tell the Observer how much I love him and NOT cry? How can I possibility thank my parents and not sob? I felt the love from all sides.

Posted above is Jeff and Katherine's wedding song: "Your Song" by Ellie Goulding.

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is
While you're in the world.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Without compassion, what is there?

Things in my life are going well. My engagement ring fits and is beautiful. I love it! Honestly, jewellery doesn't really excite me, but this ring is so special. It's white gold with little diamonds on either side and a heart shaped setting. It's stunning without being an obnoxious rock. My fiancee has excellent taste. We are planning to be married in October of 2013. This gives us lots of time to sort housing and jobs. My twin brother, Jeff is getting married in nine days! I can't wait!

 Shane, my oldest brother is struggling from withdrawal. He was on very strong painkillers for most of the summer, so it's normal. His marriage is also suffering and he is heartbroken. We all are. For the sake of my nephew, I hope my brother and sister-in-law can work it out. My sister-in-law can be blunt and mean, but she's hurting....I hope she can heal. Seeing my brother cry in my mother's arms was very hard. I've cried in those very same arms when I was struggling. The difference was that the Observer  loved me unconditionally , even when we were apart. It made such a difference. I wish my brother had the same support from his wife. When we are down and out, we need someone to reach out and offer us their hand to help us get back up. We DON'T need to be reminded of all we did to cause the fall. That only serves keep us down longer.

I'm reading Then Came You by Jennifer Weiner. It's light and female focused. My new wheelchair is giving me issues again! I missed TWO appointments this week. The transportation system was helpful and so were my attendants. While grocery shopping, I met some very helpful strangers. One was a No Frills employee and the other was a lady pushing a strollers. Good people are everywhere - if I take the time to notice them.   

My favourite song right now is called Without You by Usher and David Guetta. It's catchy:
I can’t win, I can’t wait
I will never win this game without you, without you
I am lost, I am vain,
I will never be the same without you, without you
I won’t love, I won’t love
I will never make it past without you, without you
I can’t rest, I can’t lie
All I need is you and I, without you


Monday, September 05, 2011


Tonight  the Observer and I went to Hot House Cafe - our favourite Italian restaurant. For weeks, the Observer has been acting odd - like someone is pinching him and he likes it. We planned to go for dinner because we usually go there on weekends. The Observer went ahead of me and when I arrived there was Blue Water in wine glasses all set. I was kind of puzzled. We ordered and I kept wondering if it would happen. Every time the Observer turned to look me, I giggled. Finally they brought us cappuccino, but only one. Inside another cup was the ring. I saw it and cried. I put it on the wrong finger but didn't care. It's too big and slid off, but it's okay. We'll get it re sized. I have the rest of my life to look at it....The Observer's brother took it for security. He was the first to see us and I'm so glad...

We will never forget Labour Day. I can't really tell you what the ring looks like, but I can tell you how much I love the man who gave it me. I can't wait to be his wife. I am lucky enough to be able to spend the rest of my life with my very best friend. Life doesn't get any better.


Monday, August 15, 2011

An (unfortunate) accident with a (fortunate) outcome...

Ah, so much to say! My oldest brother was in a BAD car accident in Meaford three weeks ago. He was vacationing with his wife and son at a cottage donated to cancer survivors. On their second night there, my brother was getting steaks for dinner when he lost control of the car. You can read about his accident here

Poor Shane. He spent just under a week in Owen Sound and was transferred to Trillium for another week. He broke both legs and knee caps and endured three surgeries. Unable to walk, he is staying with my parents where things are wheelchair accessible and care is twenty four seven. Between caring for my brother, myself, and the grandchildren, my parents are VERY people. That said, I know they are happy Shane is healing.The accident was serious, but bones heal.

Over this past weekend, I went to a mass for the Observer's uncle who passed away in Italy. The sermon was enjoyable and I liked the music. We had a small gathering in the Observer's parents backyard. I was honored to be there.

The Observer's Mom is having surgery on here shoulder tomorrow. I know he is very worried about her. There is no doubt in my mind that she will fully recover. When Moms go for surgery, it's scary stuff. Always something going on with family, isn't there? I'd be lost without them.

In happier news, Cole is walking, babbling and crawling. He loves watching Sesame Street videos on YouTube. Skylar has teeth and started laughing. I LOVE those babies. Before Shane's accident, the plan was to go to Prince Edward Island for the week of August 19th. There won't be a trip, but that's OK. Shane is here and that's what matters.

I have been reading a lot. I recently finished Orange Is The New Black: My year in women's prison, Two Kisses For Maddie, The Year Of Pleasures, and I'm almost finished Once Upon A Time, There Was You. It's been a summer of books. I won't complain....

Mom and I went to see Grandpa yesterday. We got caught in a downpour. I said, "This is like the Amazon!" There was thunder and lightening, but we were safe. Grandpa didn't say much, but we held hands.

Jeff, my twin brother, took Shane out for ice cream. The idea struck me as funny and sweet. Two big guys going for a sweet treat. Shane CRAVES ice cream. We think it must be the calcium he needs. Maybe ice cream has healing powers.....

If ice cream makes us happy, isn't that healing enough?


Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Be Thankful...

Every day be thankful for what you
have and who you are.

Even though I clutch my blanket and
growl when the alarm rings. Thank
you, Lord, that I can hear. There are
many who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes closed
against the morning light as long as
possible. Thank you, Lord , that I can
see. Many are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed and
put off rising. Thank you, Lord, that I
have the strength to rise. There are
many who are bedridden.

Even though the first hour of my day
is hectic, when socks are lost, toast is
burned, tempers are short, and my
children are so loud. Thank you, Lord,
for my family. There are many who are

Even though our breakfast table
never looks like the picture in
magazines and the menu is at times
unbalanced. Thank you, Lord, for the
food we have. There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine of my job
often is monotonous. Thank you, Lord,
for the opportunity to work. There
are many who have no job.

Even though I grumble and bemoan my
fate from day to day and wish my
circumstances were not so modest.

Thank you, Lord, for life.

- Unknown

Friday, July 01, 2011

Happy Canada Day!

Happy Canada Day! It's pride week in my area. There is sunshine, and lots of hustle and bustle. People seem happy and relaxed. Since I live in a very gay friendly neighbourhood, pride week doesn't feel all that different from a usual week. The streets are just busier. I like it but just for one week.

Last night I couldn't sleep. Too much Timothy's Coffee late at night. After breakfast I went to Starbucks. Isn't it funny how coffee keeps me awake at night and the next day I need MORE to stay energized. A sweet strangers who was also disable help me pick up my purse that fell on the road. In the drugstore, a helpful employee helped me get what I needed. People are good...

I'm headed home shortly. The Observer's family friend Mary is getting married. The reception is tonight. I'm excited. My dad is driving me to the Oakville convention center. My Dad is awesome.  

I've had more troubles with my wheelchair. The new one had all its parts replaced, but is still in the shop. While waiting for it to come back, I got a flat tire on my old chair. They fixed it. What a headache, but I'm moving now!

I'm reading Unbearable Lightness by Potia Di Rossi. It's heartbreaking but kind of inspiring. I can relate, especially to how much better life is when we're healthy enough to enjoy it.


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Make You Feel My Love...

When the rain is blowing in your face,
And the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
And there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
But I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret.
Though winds of change are throwing wild and free,
You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
To make you feel my love

- From the album 19 by Adele

Saturday, June 18, 2011

From Lost And Found...

"The only people who have all their sh*t together are standing right in it."

- Unknown

taken from the novel Lost & Found by Geenen Roth

Friday, June 17, 2011

Last night (the movie!)

The weather is BEAUTIFUL. I spent the day with the Observer. We went to Starbucks. I have been on such a Timothy's kick that I forgot how much I love their coffee. STRONG stuff that Starbucks coffee is! I love it. We ate lunch together and saw a movie called Last night about infidelity. It was gripping but uncomfortable. We went to Subway for dinner later.
No complaints except.....Why can't EVERY day be this fun? Maybe if every day was like this one, the day wouldn't be so fun.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Not so bad....

One unfortunate event doesn't have to ruin a whole day. Right? This is what I'm telling myself. This morning was fun. The weather is hot and summery -just my style. I drove to the St. Lawrence Market to meet my Mom, sister and niece. On the way, I unknowingly dropped one of my bags near a park. A friendly lady caught up with in Rabba and gave it back. Our visit to the market was relaxing and productive. My niece looked so cute in her little shorts! Her white headband is getting too tight as it's leaving a mark on her head. She's growing! Skylar ate beans, squash and apple sauce. She likes orange vegetables and anything sweet - my kind of eater! Mom and I had grilled vegetables pitas. My sister bought these spinach and cheese pastries I saved my for dinner and ate it with a cabbage salad and carrot salad.

As I was waiting for my bus from the market ,my wheel got jammed and I couldn't move well. Somehow I rammed into my sister's leg. I feel awful. She's adamant that she's OK, but I feel awful. My plan was to catch a ride from the market and meet the Observer at the mall, but I had to cancel and go home. Bummer. The bus driver was very, very helpful. My sister was a star too, but she always helps me out. A sweet attendant named Steve lifted me into my old wheelchair. After calling the wheelchair company,I was very dehydrated so I went to Timothy's and bought an iced coffee. It was DELICIOUS! I needed groceries, so a sweet No Frills employee helped me pick up oranges, cabbage carrots and bread. He asked me what I was making. I told him salad. Nice guy.

I am tired of my NEW wheelchair breaking down. It's frustrating and scary. I missed seeing the Observer this afternoon, and that makes me sad. On the bright side, I saw Skylar, my sister and Mom. We had lunch. I wasn't alone when my wheelchair stopped working properly. The bus driver was very courteous. Steven was able to easily transfer from my old wheelchair to my new one. I had a back-up wheelchair. I was able to go outside for a coffee. There is fresh food in my fridge. My stomach doesn't hurt today.

Life's a bitch, but it's alright too.


Monday, June 06, 2011

Funny stuff......

I was visiting my parents yesterday and my Dad told me the following joke:

*A long time ago, there used to be public toilets that cost a dime to use. On a public bathroom wall, this poem was posted:

Here I sit broken-hearted,
Paid a dime and only farted.

Yesterday I took a chance,
Saved a dime,
and pooped my pants!*

Isn't that hilarious?


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Down At The Station...

* Down At The Station is my favourite nursery rhyme to sing to my niece Skylar. She seems to like it too!


Down at the station
Down by the station early in the morning
See the little puffer trains all in a row.
See the engine driver pull the little handle.
Choo choo choo and off we go.
Down at the farmyard early in the morning
See the tractor standing in the barn.
Do you see the farmer pull the little handle?
Chug chug chug and off we go.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Coffee late night...

I had a good day. Well, it started off with a fainting spell. It's been YEARS since I've had one of those. It was freaky and odd. My attendant was helpful and patient. Thank goodness. My Thursday appointment was positive. I am so thankful to be past the down-and -out rough-stuff. I'm proud of myself.

I went to a lecture honouring June Callwood called The Kitchen Is The Heart Of The Home. The topic was homelessness in Toronto. They talked about a man who lived in a bedroom that doubled as bathroom and he lived off of canned salmon and strawberries. Isn't that sad? My bus driver yesterday "accidentally" dropped $40 dollars in front of an elderly lady. We should all be so generous.

Tonight I had to buy a Timothy's coffee at 10 p.m. I know it's nuts, but my body needed caffeine. I sat beside a man dressed as woman. He was friendly. I am going to bed soon. I am fortune for my pillow and the roof under my head. After days of rain, we've had beautiful sunshine. I'm grateful for many things today, but mostly the weather and my health. Drink up sunshine. It's good for us! Since I probably won't be able to sleep, I'll have lots of time to refect on other things to be grateful for.


Monday, May 16, 2011

Under An Afgan Sky at the library...

I just returned from the library. Melissa Fung was the keynote speaker. She was held captive in Afghanistan for twenty nine days. The interviewer was CBC's Ana Maria Tremonte from The Current. Many writers come to the library. I have seen most. Tonight's was the most gripping discussion. Maybe that's because most writers haven't lived in a hole for a month living off of food sent down through a pipe. Fung was sexually assaulted by a captor. Though she didn't elaborate, she did say, "Sexual assault is not a risk faced by male reporters and it would be unfortunate if women were kept from international stories because of this risk." Fung had no security when she was captured saying she felt "Civilians could feel more at ease if it was just her and a camera man doing the interviewing." I'd say that takes guts. The conversation was frank, factual and surreal. Fung held no grudges towards Afghanistan. After befriending a teenager who was also her captor, he brought her french fries wrapped in news paper since she mentioned they were her favourite food. She learned he wanted to be a suicide bomber, believing this was his ticket to heaven. Image being on the other end of that conversation.

Fung ended by explaining the origins of her book Under An Afghan Sky. Fung was ordered to climb a very steep mountain and spent the night freezing unable to sleep. She looked up and saw a beautiful sky. If she had not been captured, she would have missed seeing the sky.

My wheelchair acted up a bit today. I wondered if I should even go the library event tonight. I'm glad I did. I'm home safe, but if I ran into trouble, it would have made a good story.


Saturday, May 14, 2011

Kind souls rescued me...

Did I mention that I got a new wheelchair?
Did I mention that it's a lemon?
I got stuck on the streetcar tracks a few nights ago while going to the drugstore. Scary. Traffic was backed-up. Some kind teenagers pushed me home. Ahhhhh......What a night!

The very next day, my old wheelchair died on the way to the St. Lawrence Market. I was stranded in a very rough area. After scoping out my surroundings for decent looking people, I asked a lady to help me. She looked confused and our encounter caught the attention of a kind young man who gave me a safe vibe. He asked where I lived and offered to push me home. God bless him. I learned he's an outreach worker in the area and he knew all about Tobias
House attendent care. Somehow I got the feeling I was meant to run into him.

After thanking the generous man who pushed me home, he said, "No problem. You'd do the same for me if I was in your shoes." He's right.

My old wheelchair was fixed by Dad. Loose plugs were the problem. The new one is in the shop. I'm staying as close to home as possible. It's not my style. Over the last three weeks I've read: Must You Go? by Antonio Fraser, Lost and Found by Geneen Roth and Me by Ricki Martin. We watched Something Borrowed, Stand By Me, and Amelia. If I don't have reliable wheels, at least I have steady entertainment.


From Me (Ricki Martin's memoir)

God, help me to tell the truth to the strong and to avoid telling lies to get the weak’s applause. If you give me fortune, do not take away my reason. If you give me success, do not take away my humility. If you give me humility, do not take away my dignity. God, help me to see the other side of the medal. Don’t let me blame others of treason just because they don’t like me. God, teach me to love people as I love myself and to judge me as I judge others. Please, don’t let me be proud if I succeed, or fall in despair if I fail. Remind me that failure is the experience that precedes triumph. Teach me that forgiving is the most important in the strong and that revenge is the most primitive sign in the weak. If you take away my success, let me keep my strength to succeed from failure. If I fail people, give me courage to apologize and if people fail me, give me the courage to forgive them. God, if I forget you, please do not forget me.

- Mahatma Ghandi via Ricki Martin's book Me

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Sweet and Low...

Anywhere you go,
anyone you meet
Remember that your eyes
can be your enemies
I said hell is so close,

and heavens out of reach,
But I ain't giving up quite yet,
I've got too much to lose,

Hold me down,
sweet and low little girl
Hold me down, sweet and low
and I will carry you home,

Hold me down,
sweet and low little girl
Hold me down,
and i'll carry you home,

The rain is gonna fall,
the sun is gonna shine
The wind is gonna blow,
the waters gonna rise
She said, when that day comes
look into my eyes

But no ones giving up quite yet,
we've got too much to lose,
Hold me down, sweet and low little girl
Hold me down, sweet and low
and I will carry you home,

Hold me down, sweet and low little girl,
Hold me down,
And i'll carry you all the way
When you say you're fine
But you're still young and out of line,

When all I need's to turn around
To make it last, to make it count,
I ain't gonna make the same mistakes
That put my mama in her grave
I don't wanna be alone

- By Augustina

Saturday, April 02, 2011

If You Want To Sing Out....

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free '
Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low '
Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

[Chorus:] You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true

And you can make it undo you see
ah ah ah its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know
Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are

You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are

(By Cat Stevens)

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Spring update

I just read the most beautiful story called The Colour Of Water. It's a black, Jewish man's tribute to his white mother. The way racism and poverty were triumphed by love made me cry. I was so sad to finish the book.

Now I'm reading When Food Is Love by Geenen Roth. I've read it several times, but it's good. Books are my friends.

The Observer and I saw the movie Paul. Not my taste, but change is Ok. We went to Yorkkdale. The Observer LOVES that mall. It's because it has a European flare, I think. I said, "Where is the bus?" in a funny tone.

In family news, Skylar and Cole are both teething. Poor babies.........Their cheeks get very red.

I'm going to visit the Observer at his apartment. Most Saturdays I go home and stay until Sunday. It's Grandma's birthday today. She's 73 I believe. Mom says she's feeling down. The sun is shining. I hope that makes Grandma happy. It always works for me.


Thursday, February 17, 2011

Pass the biscuits (an e-mail from Dad)!

When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!" You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people.

I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each other's faults and choosing to celebrate each other's differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

It's all gravy....

In People magazine tonight, I heard the expression, "It's all gravy." I think it means an extra or bonus.

There's twenty minutes until I go to bed. I went to my Thursday appointment. It was OK. my regular doctor comes back in a week. It's all good. I spend the evening listening to tunes. There are two songs I like presently. The first is called Hello by Dragonette and Magic by Sean Desmond.

My friend's Saba's brother was killed on New Year's Eve. I feel awful for her......What a way to begin 2011.

I'm reading One Day. It's a book Katherine gave me for my 28th birthday. It's an English version of When Harry Met Sally. So funny!

I need to stop eating at night. I just polished off a bag of baby carrots and some dried apricots. Ah well, it's all gravy baby!


Thursday, January 06, 2011

I'm grateful for...

* my new purple sweater from the Observer's mom

* the ability to take a bus when it's snowing outside

* having the money to pay bills

* my mom for being a survivor

* where I live

* when the Observer comes to visit me

* snow shovelers

* Skylar and Cole

* the book One Day that Katherine gave me for my birthday

* the fresh start a new year brings


What is panjeeri?

My high school friend Mona posted on Facebook that she "can't stop eating Panjeeri!"

"What is Panjeeri?" I asked myself. I Googled the word and found this info (and image:)

Panjiri is an Indian sweet-dish, made from whole wheat flour fried in sugar and ghee, heavily laced with dried fruits and herbal gums. It is usually eaten in the winters to ward off cold. Panjiri is normally given to nursing mothers. It is considered Hot Food to help with the production of breast milk.

It looks like a yummy treat but Mona's friends say it's not healthy. That's probably why it tastes so good.
Sweetness always!


Sunday, January 02, 2011

New Year's celebrations in "sauga and Bolton...

Welcome 2011! I hope yours started with laughter, love, peace, friends, family, and joy. Mine did! Our New Year's Eve was so fun! There was the Observer, myself, John and Christina. There were noise-makers, party hats and cans of Coke Zero (Of course - we are at the Observer's apartment!)

I arrived late at around eight o clock. Pizza was on the way. Christina brought yummy pasta salad and John brought chips and Family Feud on DVD. I'm not big on playing games, but I loved playing Family Feud. Teams were divided into boys versus girls. I got very competitive. I'm not sure who won, but we played with volume and enthusiasm. Isn't that more important?

Close to the start of 2011, we turned on City TV and watched the countdown. We kissed, hooted and toasted 2011 with champagne. Good times! I took the same taxi home to Mom and Dad's house as Christina. The trip home to Oakville cost her $55!!!

On New Year's Day, I went to Bolton and celebrated at the Observer's sister-in-law's parents (Olga and Pasquale) They are a great family. The angolliti Olga made was yummy. She has a cold....Poor Olga. The Observer's brother struggled to lift me to their downstairs.....Poor Joe! I had a great time, but I think it's best to stay more local since our houses are more accessible.

I came home and had a sweet late night chat with Dad He says my maintenance of my health is his Christmas present. Knowing how much my recovery means to him makes me feel so loved. Maybe that's the whole point of getting healthy - to be able to feel love and not just hunger.