Sunday, September 02, 2012

I will stop when I'm full....

For the past week, I have been binging. I've talked about binging before. It's excessive over-eating. For instance, one night I ate seven granola bars after dinner. Binging, for me, is a response to feeling hungry, tired, deprived or all of those things. It sucks. When binging gets really out of control, I wake up in a cold sweat. I was advised this happens from raising my metabolic rate. It's definitely a shock to my system and not in a good way. 

Last night we had dinner at home. I had my Mom's mac and cheese and I was full. We went out for dessert with friends and I ordered a very tiny brownie. I was not satisfied, so I had a restaurant version of a Joe Louis. It was a large piece of chocolate cake smothered in whipped, cream and red velvet cake. I was full afterwards, but still manged to finished the Observer's cookie dessert. At our friends house, I finished off a whole bag of Rice Krispy squares. I binge in full view of friends. There are strong urges inside me. I feel better that I paid for my food. If I'm going to binge, at least the Observer didn't pay for it. All this eating makes me feel awful. I don't know how much weight I've gained. I'm scared. What if I get back to my heaviest weight? Ugh. I've enjoyed fitting into smaller clothes over the summer, but those days might be over. I'm wearing tights today. They stretch.....

It's Labour Day weekend and gorgeous outside. I'm going home today to visit my family. Seeing Hannah and Skylar will be sweet - my beautiful girls. The Observer and I got engaged a year ago. It was such an exciting, special period. I'm still very happy about getting married. However, I want to treat my body better. I want to stop feeding it when it's full.

The painter is almost done painting my apartment. The sunroom is yellow. I love it. It's called Newborn. The curtains are off the window and I get to see everything that goes on outside. Curtains are physically difficult for me to pull back,so they often get in my way. No curtains makes for easy viewing. Privacy will be best, but, for now, it's a refreshing change.

I hope to have a better week eating wise. I will treat my body kindly, which means I will stop eating when I'm full. Happy Labour Day weekend. Be kind to your body. I will try to do the same!



Rae said...

When I was going through weight restoration, and more recently when I was eating way more than I usually do, I would wake up with night sweats. I understand it's your metabolic rate being raised, but in the case of weight restoration, how can it be a bad thing? Is it always a bad thing or only when it's due to bingeing at a normal weight? To be honest, I haven't gotten them at a normal weight, only when I'm underweight. I literally just reached my ideal body weight this week, the first time in years! whoo hoo! I guess I need to research it some more, because I've always thought of night sweats as a good thing- like I'm actually eating enough for weight restoration and my body is responding accordingly.

OCG said...

You're right. I only get night sweats when I'm underweight too. It's normal (for people with eating disorders) but I feel bad for all the extremes I put my body through.

Congrats on reaching a normal weight!