Thursday, November 29, 2012

Thursdays....

I had my usual Thursday appointment today. My doctor was very pleased about me getting my monthly "friend" back, my eating, and general mindset. She suggested reducing our sessions. Say WHAT?!?! This is exciting! I am inching closer to being recovered!!! It's a bit scary.....so MANY Thursdays talking and thinking about food. What am I going to do with my craaaazy head?

There is extra "junk" in my trunk, my clothes are tighter and I wish I were skinnier. That never changes and it probably never will. Anorexia sucks. 

Here's the thing: I HAVE to be olay with my body. I want to keep my friends and maybe find someone to kiss one day.  If I'm too small, my life gets really small too.

I am the one who is in control here. Yes, my arse is big, my face is round and my bully bulges, but I am me and I am okay.

- OCG   

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

I'm grateful for....

* My mom and dad
* A Christmas wreath on my door
* The flower lady at Loblaws
* Living so close to the library
* The book Far From The Tree
* My health
* potato bread

- OCG

Monday, November 26, 2012

I'm grateful for....

* Skylar and Cole sitting on my lap
* warm Ugg boats
* pumpkin Pop Tarts
* surprise dinner plans with perogies and cheesecake
* geeting my period back
* my Mom and Dad wanting to give me the gift of cable and respecting my "no."
* peppermint M & Ms
* the subway
* ears that listen
* straws
* my will to recover
* Streetsville Santa Clause Parade
* laughter

- OCG



Thursday, November 22, 2012

The days of our lives....

My Dad told my Mom that "Lately, all of our family events feel like the soap opera Days Of Our Lives". I laughed. Dad is right. We have had a broken engagement, marital troubles and cheating. It's all very dramatic.

Today was beautiful weather. It was sunny and warm. The trip to my Thursday appointment was pleasant. I bought myself a coffee on the way home. It's been a four coffee week for me. That's splurging. My two little Christmas trees were assembled on Tuesday. They make my apartment feel cozy. I can't wait for the new blinds to be fully put up! Dad fixed my printer. I'm such a lucky daughter.

I'm reading Dear Life by Alice Munro. So far, it's intriguing. I saw Andrew Solomon and Lloyd Robertson at the library this week. They were both interesting conversations. Andrew Solomon said, "In getting rid of the dragons, we risk getting rid of the heroes too."

So,with this idea of opposites in mind, since there has been so much drama in my family, does that mean peace will follow soon? I hope so.

- OCG  

Don't wake me up....

Too much light in this window, don't wake me up
Only coffee no sugar, inside my cup
If I wake and you're here still, give me a kiss
I wasn't finished dreaming, about your lips

"Don't wake me up" by Chris Brown



What if no one ever kisses me again?  

What if I never fall in love again?
What if I can never fully let go again?
What if no one ever makes me feel understood again?
What if I never hold a man's hand again?
What if no one ever places his hand on my back again?
What if no one ever holds me tightly and promises to protect me again?
What if no one ever wants to meet my family again?
What if no one ever wants to talk to me until 3:00  a.m. again?
What if no one ever lets me wipe my runny nose in his shirt again?
What if no one ever feels like my best friend in the world again?
What if I never get another chance to love again?

Then don't wake me up.


- OCG

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

I'm grateful for....

* New blinds
* My Christmas Trees
* Seeing Andrew Solomon at the Library
* The ability to buy bread, apples and flowers
* My Mom and Dad
* Being different

- OCG

Monday, November 19, 2012

I'm grateful for....

* All the stupid advice I get that makes me laugh
* That my very first friend in the world is still my truest friend
* The dream I woke up from that a cute guy touched my arm and kissed me
* Coffee with April
* People magazine
 * The Sad Maroon 5 Lyrics: 

Oh, but I'm scared to death
That there may not be another one like this
And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread


* My fuzzy brown winter boats


- OCG

Sunday, November 18, 2012

I'm grateful for....



* The excited kids on the subway this morning going to The Santa Clause Parade
* Two cups of coffee in the morning
* Rice Krispy Squares made with pumpkin marshmallows
* My grandfather blinking at me and saying "yes" at exactly the right time
*  Mushroom Bibinbop
* American Music Awards
* Sam the taxi driver
* My grandma

Saturday, November 17, 2012

I'm grateful for...

* Strudel samples from the St. Lawrence Market
* The beautiful weather we had today
* The ability to give gifts to loved ones
* Seeing Fireworks at Cavalcade Of Lights tonight
*Hearing Susie Mcneil perform
*The sweet guy who helped me fight crowds to get to the street
* Seeing Greg and Karen
* Talking to Cole on the phone 
*Freedom

- OCG

Friday, November 16, 2012

I'm grateful for....

* Friday calmness
* How refreshing grapefruit for breakfast can be
* My OLD friends
* My ringing phone
* The sweet guy in the grocery store
* being engrossed in a good book 
* Kleen Prep
* My Mom

- OCG

Thursday, November 15, 2012

I'm grateful for....

* The funky girl I saw on the street today who looked like Lights and was wearing the rainbow clothes
* How hard I laughed today
* My Dad who surprised me and took me to Richtree for dinner
* The gooey, cheesy pasta we ate
* Carolyn who kissed my cheek
* The winter reindeer scene on Yonge Street 
*Pumpkin oatmeal
* My crazy, beautiful city
* My black, "puff Daddy" jacket

- OCG

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I'm grateful for....

* My red framed glasses that actually fit me now
* Eggnog coffee from Timothys
* people with patience
* the pimple on my face that proves my "female" friend is coming
* that no one is sick or dying
* The world that never stops moving

- OCG

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

There's something in the water.....

There is something black in the water. Three out of four siblings in my family are broken-hearted. My twin brother just caught his wife having an affair. They have been married just over a year. They were set to move into a new house this week. The move is postponed. I am so sad for my brother. He doesn't deserve the hurt. The pressure of moving drove a wedge between my brother and his wife. I guess she needed an outlet. My brother saw her going into another man's apartment and read explicit texts. I cannot imagine....he's very angry. I still love my sister-in-law and hope they work it out.

My older brother and his wife go up and down. They have had a good few days. I'm happy for them. The good times might not last, but it's important to be grateful.

As for myself, can I just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

Facebook sucks. Twitter sucks. Love sucks.

- OCG

Monday, November 12, 2012

I'm grateful for...

* My Mom
* Target
* Wendy
* Hannah's smiles
* Hannah grabbing her toy between her two little fists
* Telling Skylar "We ALL poop in the bath."
* Sunday breakfast at Tim Hortons with Dad
* My Grandma for giving me an extra squeeze with her hug
* Pumpkin pancakes
* My Dad for telling me to "buck up"
* My new book The Unlikely Pilgrimage Of Harold Frey
* Tammy
* weekends
* time
* Des

- OCG

Monday, November 05, 2012

I'm grateful for.....

* no rain today

* an amazing sleep

* April

* Seeing my niece Hannah hold my brother's collar while sleeping

* Skylar turning two!

* Pumpkin coffee

* Being here to see the season's change

* Cole who asked where The Observer was

* being able to buy new soyamilk

* late night coffee dates with friends  

* Being 30

- OCG

Thursday, November 01, 2012

Lost....

I have a very sad story to tell. I'm no longer engaged. This was not my choice. I have lost the great love of my life. I cannot quite understand why. Already I'm tired of guessing. My mind goes in circles. I'm so tired. What happened?  Where do I go from here? I'm so very, very sad. God has a plan....I have to believe that.

Last week at this time, I was saying goodbye to The Observer. We had a fun night. Now he is gone. I don't understand. Sometimes it hurts to breath. Everything passes....in and out.

OCG