Friday, December 28, 2012

I'm grateful for....

* a sweet, peaceful Christmas
* my mom finally getting medication for pneumonia
* Cole saying "I love you" at exactly the right moment
* seeing Skylar and Hannah open gifts on Christmas morning
* Mom and Dad for thinking of me
* my new picture of Cole sitting on my kitchen table
* being alive and having things to be grateful for
* Katherine's candle in a jar

 Here's a glimpse of Christmas Day. Happy Holidays!!!


Sunday, December 23, 2012

Merry Christmas Eve Eve!

It's been a very relaxed two days. Yesterday I went grocery shopping and bought vegetables with a grocery store gift card. The company (Tobias House Inc.) that provides my attendant care gave it to me. Isn't that sweet? Thank you Tobias House. I love grocery store gift cards. They are so practical!

The movie theater beside my apartment was playing the movie A Christmas Story. I was a bit late, but saw most of it. The main character had so much mischief in him, I couldn't help but think of my brother, Jeff and nephew, Cole. All three boys have blond hair. Later, I saw a Christmas performer sing songs and blow bubbles. Little kids were screaming with excitement and that made me excited!

Speaking of little kids, Skylar cracked me up. I went home on Friday for blood work. Later, Skylar came to make gingerbread cookies. I was in the bathroom when she walked in and asked, "Are you finished?" I told her "Yes" and she said, "Wait right there! Don't move...." I heard the cupboard door in the kitchen open and Skylar came back holding an M & M. She's being toilet trained and gets rewarded for success with an M & M. Clearly, the girl knows my history of digestive issues and thinks I deserve a prize for sucess. Actually, it's probably more likely, that to kids, success is success and it doesn't matter how old we are.  Kids don't judge and that's why I love them.

I read I Feel Bad About My Neck by Nora Ephron. She was such a funny, gifted writer. The world misses her creativity. One of her expressions made me laugh. Today I tweeted, I spend so much time writing that I'm a "mouse potato."  

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I'm going to church and then taking the subway home. Christmas Eve feels so sacred. 

I heard this song last night and fell in love:

   Merry Christmas Eve Eve!


Thursday, December 13, 2012

A BIG much....

If we tell my two-year-old niece Skylar that "We love you {her} very much" she says, "A BIG much!" My Mom texted me today and said, "We love you very much - A BIG much!" Her text made me smile.  Yesterday I brought cupcakes home for my parents and Cole. He wanted to lick the icing off of every cupcake. He chose a blue cupcake with white sprinkles - very Cole. I tried half a lemon and a red velvet cupcake. They are DELICIOUS! I do prefer a large piece of cake though. The cupcakes got a bit squished but oh well. They are so worth it! Earlier yesterday, I had a sweet chat with my hairdresser while she did my highlights. She's so kind and skilled. I have to say that my hair looks good.

This afternoon I went to my Thursday appointment. As always, our session reaffirmed that I'm doing well. There was a beautiful orchid in my doctor's office. I told my doctor I liked the flower and she agreed. She confessed to buying a grown-your-own Amarillus kit and said the flower never grew. When my sister moved to her first house in Mimico, I bought her an Amerillus. She loved that flower. I was just telling Dad how I'd like to buy my sister a flower to say thank you for the picture and microwave she gave me. He suggested an Amerillius. Maybe my doctor mentioning that flower was a sign that I should buy one for my sister. On the way home, a group of teenagers was blocking the sidewalk. Realizing they were inconveniencing me, a teenage girl said, "Sorry Home-girl." Lots of people have called me lots of names but never "Home-girl"

A little while ago, I went Starbucks with a friend. Before coming home, we checked out a massive gingerbread house at Loblaws. I told her how I was shopping last Sunday when Santa yelled from inside the gingerbread house, "Hey! Hey lady! How fast does your wheelchair go?" Oh Santa! My friend got a new job and we each celebrated with a raspberry chocolate cake pop. I liked it very much - a BIG much!   


Mittens & Walls.....

Mittens by Carly Rae Jepsen

Walls by Sultan & Ned Shepard (featuring Quilla)

Happy listening!


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

I'm grateful for....

* The person who remembered me on the bus on Saturday
* The subway for getting me home safely
* The LOBLAWS guy who helped me buy vegetables tonight
* Monica for weighing me and not sharing the number
* The Polish repairman who fixed my wheelchair tonight
* Aleen and Iownie for coming outside of my booking


Sunday, December 09, 2012

hold on, but let go?

Is it harder to hold on or let go?

Help me God. I want to be happy and free, but everything is different now.

I'm fatter too.

Tomorrow I'll wake up and start a new day.

Maybe nothing will change, but I have time and not everyone does.

I'm letting go of today. It's the only way to embrace tomorrow.


Saturday, December 08, 2012

A box of chocolates later....

Eating a whole box of chocolates at midnight is NOT awesome. Knowing I've binged before and survived is awesome. 

I'm going to remember:

 I may struggle, but life always goes on.


Wednesday, December 05, 2012

All things awesome....

There is an awesome new song called Hey Ho by The Lumineers. I love it! If you haven't heard this song, listen:

 Isn't this song awesome? 

Giving peanut butter and red velvet cupcakes to family and friends is awesome. Pasta and vegetables for dinner is awesome. Diet A & W Root Beer is awesome. Sending mail is awesome. Being given a new (and unique) picture from my sister is awesome. My newish microwave from my sister is awesome. My new oak dresser is awesome.

My Dad is awesome.

Some things are just awesome.


Monday, December 03, 2012

Cicles of kindness....

Tonight I got the sweetest surprise. There was a Christmas card and a Starbucks gift card in my mailbox from Des. She said, (she) "is glad we're friends and that it's her favorite part of moving downtown." I love Des.

Yesterday subway service was shut down from Dundas West to Kipling. I didn't know that until I was on my way to Kipling. I got off at Keele, saw a TTC employee, was told to get back on the subway and go to Dundas West. There, a Wheel-trans bus was waiting to take me straight to Kipling. That's pretty sweet service. I spent the day with my parents reading, eating and watching cheesy Christmas movies. 

Tomorrow I get weighed and I know it's WAY up. Being this big BEFORE Christmas makes me nervous. Why did I decide to eat differently? I'm uncomfortable in my skin, but I am no matter what I weigh. Anorexia sucks. Sidenote: sugar plum tea from Celestial Seasons sucks too. It's too sweet. I tried to buy gingerbread tea from Celestial Seasons but my grocery store was sold out. I believe this would be a #firstworldproblem.

Deep down, I am trying to heal. The only way to heal is to be kind to myself. If I'm kind to myself, I'll be kinder to the people who are being so kind to me. Kindness runs in a circle.

Be kind.

- OCG   

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Welcome To Holland....

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland. "When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But, if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

By Emily Perl Kingsley (1987)