Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Crazy fonts and thoughts.....

If the sun were to explode, you wouldn't even know about it for 8 minutes because that's how long it takes for light to travel to us. For eight minutes, the world would still be bright and it would still feel warm. It was a year since my dad died and I could feel my eight minutes with him... were running out.
- From the movie Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close

Today has been rainy. I'm sitting under my sun room fan. It's noisy but provides a welcome breeze. I'm still wearing winter clothes. It's almost June! Crazy weather we have here....

I spent the day reading The Dinner by Herman Koch. It was violent and suspenseful. The book reminded me of a Woody Allen movie called Match Point. Before reading The Dinner, I read Stranger Here: How Weight-Loss Surgery Transformed My Body and Messed with My Head by Jen Larson. The message is whatever size we are, we must be at peace with ourselves. Preach it sister! I'm in the middle of watching Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close. I've fallen asleep mid movie for the past four nights, but I've enjoyed what I've seen so far... 

Lately I've been doing OK. Honestly, I still feel lost sometimes. The Observer seems sad. That makes me sad. After changing his life, why isn't he happy? We're not friends, but I don't hate him. I hope he knows that. People say I would feel better if I started dating. Ugh! It's like eating salmon after it's given me Salmonella. No thanks....for now.  The way things ended made me doubt my worth as a person. Did I pick a poor potential husband? Am I lazy? What made me unlovable? I have so many questions. 

One of my Facebook friends just lost her six year old cousin to cancer. Isn't that sad? My biggest problem today was that I thought my watch was broken. Now I can wear it fine. Having my watch be wearable totally made my day. Life is short, but time goes by quickly. I keep thinking about this quote from Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close: "If things were easy to find, they wouldn't be worth finding."

What if I already found that one big thing and now it is gone? What do I do now???

- OCG 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

All Of Me...

Sometimes I cry when a song touches my soul. All Of Me by John Legend did. It's beautiful. The finale of season 9 of Grey's Anatomy tipped me off.

Tonight I watched The Life Of Pi. The movie was deep and beautiful.I tweeted:  It's important in life to conclude things properly. Only then can you let go. 

I'm tired and a little sad....



Monday, May 20, 2013

The storms we navigate....

There was a crazy storm that just passed outside my window. It's raining a little now. Victoria Day weekend is almost over. My friends John and Danielle got engaged on Friday! I saw them today and they are over the moon with happiness. Danielle's ring is beautiful and suits her perfectly. Being engaged has to be the best feeling in the world. I bought Danielle two red roses and two chocolate cupcakes for her and John. Those friends make me happy.

Yesterday my family had fireworks for Cole and Skylar. They looked so cute sitting in their deck chairs with their juice and Bits And Bites. The fireworks were beautiful. I loved when both kids yelled "Kaboomba!" They are my natural mood elevators. Cole and Skylar get as excited for chocolate cake as I do.

Earlier in the week, I visited home for some help to ease my constipation. Luckily I'm okay now. Thank you Mom. When I arrived home, my brother told me that he and his wife are separating. I'm sad, but not surprised, They are selling their house and moving five minutes away from each other. Cole will alternate weekends with each parent. My brother told me this is the hardest thing he has ever gone through. Broken relationships are heart-breaking.  My brother is an alcoholic and I am recovering from an eating disorder. I wanted to tell him choosing recovery every day is the hardest thing he'll ever go through. Not wanting to push, I nodded. Last night my Dad searched my brother's car because family suspected  he was drunk. I saw nothing, but I hurt for him. I texted my brother and said, I'm sorry. It sucks when family doesn't believe you, but I'm happy you put their suspicions to rest. I love you. He texted back and thanked me and defended our family. I love my brother and hate to see him in such pain. Hopefully the storm he is navigating passes soon.


Tuesday, May 14, 2013

I'm grateful for....

* Dorine clipping my hang nail this morning with her fancy nail clipper
* New Omega 3 fish oil capsules
* The world being so full of books that we don't have to read bad books
* The nice older librarian with the grey hair
* The way Calvin Harris looks
* Meeting Sharon, a new nutritionist and totally clicking with her
* The pretty tulips I saw today
* My women's group
* Sheppard's Pie, salad, strawberries and cookies for dinner
* My Mom for being so concerned about my constipation
* Being plugged up but still feeling well
* My renewed friendship
* Kaley
* No wedding showers to stress over

- OCG 

Friday, May 10, 2013

A person's a person....

Today was raining and grey. I went to a women's movie night. We watched Bridesmaids. That movie never gets old. It's HILARIOUS! Sometimes I was the only one laughing, but that was fine. There was a really rude and smelly girl there. Another rude girl yelled at her. Rude people attract rude people. I ran into Bernadette on the way. Bernadette is a classy, caring lady. She made my day.

The library has had lots of speakers. I've been in heaven. Sally Armstrong, the co-founder of Home-makers magazine and Edward Ruthford, a British author, made appearances. I enjoyed both. Rutherford says he "recommends marrying your cousin because at least you know what you're getting." Funny guy he is.

On Wednesday I tweeted:  I just read George Estreich's The Shape of the Eye. Very moving and real, but was the afterward necessary? I hate to be critical, but I was honest.

It's Cole's birthday at Spring-tide Farms tomorrow. My nephew is three. I'm excited for the party. I miss him.

I watched Lady And The Tramp and The Hunchback Of Notre Dam. The sequel to The Hunchback Of Notre Dame was better than the first movie. That is rare in movies. More recently, I saw Horton Hears A Who. This quote resonated with me: A person's a person, no matter how small.” (Or how badly they smell like urine.)


Tuesday, May 07, 2013

This is what it feels like.....

Could I finally be accepting my body at this size? I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I go out. Food is just food. Most of what I eat I enjoy. After three years of weekly treatment, it's down to twice a month. My weight has risen, but I'm still here.  Maybe the little voice inside my head telling me that I'm fat got tired. Honestly I've been in this happy place before and this changed fast. A part of me doesn't want to take recovery for granted. When I think of where I've been, I don't even know how I survived. Now I'm free. I am alive. This is what it feels like.  

Wherever you are, be free!  


Monday, May 06, 2013

I'm grateful for....

* The song Moon Dance by Van Morrison
* Seeing Sally Armstrong speak at the library tonight
* All the Sunday nights I spent watching Amazing Race with my parents
* Eating ice cream cones at my parents' kitchen table
* Skylar sitting on my lap, looking out the window and saying, "I'm so happy" to my brother Jeff and I
* Sunny and beautiful Mondays in spring-time
* My health


Saturday, May 04, 2013

Silver Linings....

“In my arms is a woman who has given me a Skywatcher's Cloud Chart, a woman who knows all my secrets, a woman who knows just how messed up my mind is, how many pills I'm on, and yet she allows me to hold her anyway. There's something honest about all this, and I cannot imagine any other woman lying in the middle of a frozen soccer field with me - in the middle of a snowstorm even - impossibly hoping to see a single cloud break free of a nimbostratus.”
- Silver Linings Playbook

Welcome spring! I'm so glad you're here. We all made it through the winter. The weather has been BEAUTIFUL! Tonight I finished reading The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick. Silver Linings Playbook is intense, heartbreaking and positive. Beautifully written, the book won me over from the start. The ending paragraph moved me. Earlier this week, I read Still Point of the Turning World by Emily Rapp, about a mother whose son dies before his first birthday of Tay–Sachs disease. It was sad but very honest and well-crafted.

The Toronto Maple Leafs won their game tonight. Cheering filled the street. I think they now made the play-offs. This has not happened for a very long time. My dad and brothers will be thrilled!

I am the proud owner of a new hair dryer. My old one last ten years, so it didn't owe me anymore air. This morning was the first I used the new hairdryer. I was impressed. It even came with a new brush. You lose some and win some, right?  The Toronto Maple Leafs qualifying for the play-offs and a functional hair-dryer counts as a double win and a sliver lining. 


Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Funny face....

Today I tweeted: Just as we ought to treat others as we would want to be treated, we ought not ask others questions we would not want to be asked ourselves.

The mother of a former friend (who I no longer really speak to) was fishing for personal information. I kept our conversation brief. The woman knows my engagement ended. She pretended otherwise, but I'm not dumb. Move on lady. If I know something sad, why would I grill the person who got hurt? Now I know why her daughter is the way she is. More important, I'm glad we're not friends anymore. Sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

In happier news, I watched Funny Face starring Audrey Hepburn and Fred Astaire. It's a fun musical. I also finished The Soundtrack Of My Life by Clive Davis. The book was long, but I finished it. He spoke frankly of his struggles with Kelly Clarkson, love of Whitney Houston and Alicia Keys. I read Wallflower At The Orgy by Norah Ephron. It was mediocre. Remember how I watched the DVD The Hunchback Of Notre Dam? It was the sequel, so I'm going to see the first one soon. 

These lyrics are stuck in my head: 

 I love your Funny Face
your sunny, Funny Face
Though you're a cutie
with more than beauty
you've got a lot of
personal-i-ty for me

You fill the air with smiles
for miles and miles and miles
Though you're no Mona Lisa
for world's I'd not replace
your sunny-- Funny Face

One day I hope someone loves my funny face.....