If the sun were to explode, you wouldn't even know about it for 8 minutes because that's how long it takes for light to travel to us. For eight minutes, the world would still be bright and it would still feel warm. It was a year since my dad died and I could feel my eight minutes with him... were running out.- From the movie Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close
Today has been rainy. I'm sitting under my sun room fan. It's noisy but provides a welcome breeze. I'm still wearing winter clothes. It's almost June! Crazy weather we have here....
I spent the day reading The Dinner by Herman Koch. It was violent and suspenseful. The book reminded me of a Woody Allen movie called Match Point. Before reading The Dinner, I read Stranger Here: How Weight-Loss Surgery Transformed My Body and Messed with My Head by Jen Larson. The message is whatever size we are, we must be at peace with ourselves. Preach it sister! I'm in the middle of watching Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close. I've fallen asleep mid movie for the past four nights, but I've enjoyed what I've seen so far...
Lately I've been doing OK. Honestly, I still feel lost sometimes. The Observer seems sad. That makes me sad. After changing his life, why isn't he happy? We're not friends, but I don't hate him. I hope he knows that. People say I would feel better if I started dating. Ugh! It's like eating salmon after it's given me Salmonella. No thanks....for now. The way things ended made me doubt my worth as a person. Did I pick a poor potential husband? Am I lazy? What made me unlovable? I have so many questions.
One of my Facebook friends just lost her six year old cousin to cancer. Isn't that sad? My biggest problem today was that I thought my watch was broken. Now I can wear it fine. Having my watch be wearable totally made my day. Life is short, but time goes by quickly. I keep thinking about this quote from Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close: "If things were easy to find, they wouldn't be worth finding."
What if I already found that one big thing and now it is gone? What do I do now???