Monday, July 29, 2013

Get lucky....

My brother Shane has two herniated disks. He will need those repaired before he can start any rehab. The hospital is pumping him full of pain medication, so he will go through drug withdrawal. Poor guy....

I watched most of Dan In Real Life, Just Go With It and Serendipity on the weekend.  For brunch on Saturday, I ate French toast. The next day, I went to the Golden Griddle and ate grilled cheese and sweet potato fries. I bought a lemonade cupcake. My emotions have been everywhere, but I'm OK. I'm trying to be a good listener and friend, but I have my own drama. We all do. One day, this time in my life will be a memory. I hope to be stronger, wiser and better. Maybe my brother and I are right where we're meant to be. Maybe we're lucky. After all, we're still here, aren't we?


Monday, July 15, 2013

Dear Shane,

You've been in detox for about thirty six hours now. It hasn't been easy on you. You're on Vallium, Haladol, and some other drugs. You stunk and have the runs. You can't dress yourself or put your shoes on. You've seen dragons on the ceiling and men with bandannas. You yell at Mom and Dad. You look like a homeless man. You asked the nurses to tell you what is real."We are real. Your family is real and you're real Shane," they say.

The doctors said you could have died had you stayed lying on the bathroom floor. Your blood pressure was very high and your magnesium out of whack. You could have had a stroke.

Maybe you'll remember all these things or at least some things. I hope you never forget this hell you're in. I hope you stay somber from now on. This isn't you. You haven't been you for such a long, long, time. Do you even remember who you are?

The nurses and doctors say that Mom and Dad are amazing and one in a million. Most people just drop their loved ones off and go. Not our parents. There is always one by your side. How did we get so lucky? Please don't do this again. It breaks my heart.

I love you Shane.


Sunday, July 14, 2013

The Serenity Prayer...

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

--Reinhold Niebuhr
My brother is in hospital detoxing tonight. I'm both sad and relieved. I want him to be safe, happy and healthy. I have faith in my brother. This is hard, but it's better than watching him die.We all have struggles. We're all human and we all deserve help. Have faith in people, love and beauty. I try to.


Thursday, July 11, 2013


Rain pelted the city on Monday. There was more rain in one hour then we usually accumulate for the whole month of July. Danielle called me to see if I wanted to meet her and here finance for coffee. After seeing the sky turn dark very quickly, I took a rain check. Outside looked like the Amazon rain forest. Many surrounding areas lost power. Subways were evacuated due to flooding. Go Trains were halted. I was home safe and sound. Phew! Sometimes even coffee isn't worth sacrificing safety.

I watched My Fair Lady and Same Time Next Year. My Fair Lady was OK. Same Time Next Year was a play I saw performed a few years ago. Sadly, I left before the play finished. I was excited to see the ending on DVD. Same Time Next Year was sweet. The last book I read was called Me Before You by Jo Jo Moyes. I enjoyed reading about a quadriplegic who wanted to die. It sounds dark but it was uplifting. Right now I'm reading a book called Wave by Sonali Deraniyagala. It's about the author's experience of losing her family in the tsunami of 2004 in Sri Lanka. The story is gripping.

I am updating my apartment. I bought a new love seat, a decorative pillow, a napkin holder, polka dotted napkins, a storage box, a mop, and storage bins. I'm looking for a big picture, and a throw. Change feels refreshing. At first I thought the pillow was ugly and matched nothing. Over time, I've grown to like the new pillow. It adds flare - kind of like these mixed up fonts.

Happy summer!

- OCG 

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

I'm grateful for....

* The movie and song Singing In The Rain
* The ability to move my bowels
* My new green love seat
* Fireworks on Canada Day
* Sending mail
* Pasta salad
* Mousse cake
* Seeing Cole and Skylar get so excited about colouring books and crayons from the dollar store
* Watching my Dad and Skylar walk a blow-up pool turtle across the lawn
* Hearing Hannah say, "Good girl!"
* Getting caught in the Pride Parade and laughing
* A free Kind bar
* Taking the Go bus to my parents' house with no complications 
* Danielle enjoying the dinner she ate with me yesterday
* Shane going to his first AA meeting tonight
* Shane for giving sobriety all he has
* Summer
* My health
* Family