Saturday, August 31, 2013

Guess who's coming to dinner?

I am trying really hard to let go. Anger has no place in my heart, but it's there. I still hurt. I still wonder why. I still laugh at memories. I still want to say, "How COULD you?" The other half of me wants to say thank you for so much love. Sometimes I can't believe I was so lucky to be with you. If the one we love is a reflection of ourselves, then life was sweet. I couldn't have picked a better husband. However, if we were meant to be, he'd be here.

I want to say sorry. I'm not sure why, but I do. Life has moved forward and I'm trying to trust it. This process sucks. It's lonely, scary and like riding a roller coaster. I want to get off, but then where will I go???

Tonight I watched Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? This quote resonated with me: 

But I can tell you the memories are still there - clear, intact, indestructible. And they'll be there if I live to be 110. Where John made his mistake, I think, was attaching so much importance to what her mother and I might think. Because in the final analysis, it doesn't matter a damn what we think. The only thing that matters is what they feel, and how much they feel for each other. And if it's half of what we felt, that's everything. As for you two and the problems you're going to have, they seem almost unimaginable. But you'll have no problem with me. And I think that uh, when Christina and I and your mother have some time to work on him, you'll have no problem with your father, John. But you do know - I'm sure you know - what you're up against. There'll be a hundred million people right here in this country who'll be shocked and offended and appalled at the two of you. And the two of you will just have to ride that out. Maybe every day for the rest of your lives. You can try to ignore those people or you can feel sorry for them and for their prejudices and their bigotry and their blind hatreds and stupid fears. But where necessary, you'll just have to cling tight to each other and say screw all those people! Anybody could make a case, and a hell of a good case, against your getting married. The arguments are so obvious that nobody has to make them. But you're two wonderful people who happened to fall in love and happen to have a pigmentation problem. And I think that now no matter what kind of a case some bastard could make against your getting married, there would be only one thing worse. And that would be if - knowing what you two are, knowing what you two have, and knowing what you two feel - you didn't get married. 

Sometimes old movies say it best.

- OCG

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