Tuesday, August 27, 2013

One Day....

I never noticed it before, but it was always there. Just waiting, lurking. I used to hate you too. Quite violently actually, Dexter. No! I'm sorry, but only...because she lit up with you, just in a way that she never did with me and it used to make me so angry because I...I...I didn't think that you deserved her. She made you decent, and in return, you made her so happy. So happy. And I will always be grateful to you for that. 

- From the movie One Day by David Nicholls

My niece Hannah had her first birthday party yesterday. She was so cute holding up her pointer finger when we asked her how old she was. It was fun to watch Cole and Skylar play. They have grown close. I enjoyed watching Octonauts with them on Treehouse while they ate pretzels. I wore a new dress and felt pretty. My  brother got drunk so we had to leave in a hurry. I felt sorry for my Dad who had to take my brother's keys away. Sitting on the toilet at home, I cried. Why can't my brother stop drinking??? He makes me sad. My brother's house sold yesterday and he's hoping to move into a condo. I'm worried about his health. He's not coping well.

Lately I've been binging and restricting. I feel in control this way. Binging sucks. My weight is up which is not surprising. I've been here many times  and survived, so I'm trying to relax. Today I watched the movie One Day. The book by David Nicholls is amazing. A few years ago, I saw the movie in the theater. Knowing that I would cry at the end, I left before the credits rolled. Watching the movie at home, I didn't cry. Emotions are fleeting. I have been lit up with love before. It is a wonderful gift.

In Loblaws, I bought my Mom a gray orchid pot. She has a purple one and liked it so much that she asked me to buy her a plain coloured pot. Mom sweetly bought me two bottles of hot sauce. I love that stuff....

I am afraid there are bed bugs in my apartment. I woke up with bites...Argh! One day I would like to sleep with a special friend - just not a bed bug.


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