Saturday, December 28, 2013

Dear Shane,

You're home this weekend on a pass from treatment. Cole is staying with you at Mom and Dad's house. Mom has pneumonia. She had it last Christmas. I am worried. You are too, I know. I wanted to see you, but this is your time to be a Dad. Mom and Dad say that you sound clear headed and are starting to look like your old self. I am so happy. You're awesome inside and outside Shane. Mom says it's your job to set up chairs before meetings. Jobs are purposeful.

Christmas was sweet. We missed you. I missed the train and took the Go Bus home. Dad and Jeff tied my wheelchair to the truck of the van. Jeff stood in the back while Dad drove slowly. The ropes gave way just as we pulled into the driveway. Jeff said, "It's a Christmas miracle." It was.

Jeff bought the cutest toys for Skylar and Hannah. There was Leo The Lion for Hannah and a princess suitcase for Skylar. He did well. Carlie's tummy is getting bigger. She's going to have three kids! 

The last month hasn't been easy on you. I am glad you are safe. The way you lived made me so sad. I hurt with you. I think of you every day. Recovery is the most challenging in the beginning. It's akin to being lost in a foreign country when you're very homesick. Locals try to convince you to stay but it feels so strange and unfamiliar. You just want to go back to where you came from. Stay on the this side of the face. It's uncomfortable, but you'll get used to it. I have tremendous respect for what you're doing. This is the fight of your life. Nothing else will ever require this strength.  Pull, push, scream, cry, laugh, and please, don't give up. You are worthwhile. Life is worthwhile.

I love you Shane.


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