Sunday, November 23, 2014

I'm grateful for....

* Surprise morning bookings with Cynthia
* Dress shirts
* The show Mad Men
* Hamburgers from the Bugernator
* The new slow cooker from Matthew
* Coloured napkins from Emlyn
* My cyst shrinking
* Christmas lights
* Coffee with Des
* Aleen who made chili for Matthew and I yesterday 
*Cluster buns from Loblaws
* Books
* My parents and the stories they share about Cole
* Seeing Kemi's daughter
* The new manager, Shannon
* PMS that explains why I occasionally binge
* Success before bed
* No judgment from Matthew over binging
* April for being my oldest and dearest friend


Thursday, November 20, 2014


Tonight is our first major snowstorm. Looking outside the window, there is a carpet of snow. It's smooth, sleek and pretty, but only because I'm warm inside my apartment. Matthew and I ate roasted potatoes, squash and rice for lunch. It was delicious, even if it was carbohydrate heavy. In the afternoon, we watched the movie Parkland starring Paul Giamatti, Billy Bob Thornton, Marcia Gay Harden, Zac Eforn, and Colin Hanks. The movie follows the Kennedy assassination for three days. It's graphic, fast paced and moving.  Watch it!

My brother, Shane has been struggling again and went to hospital yesterday. This is getting old. Poor everyone. I still have hope he will recover. I am proof that recovery is possible. I don't believe anything is possible, but I think sometimes our choices are made before we can choose them ourselves. Death shouldn't be a choice because, if my brother was healthy, he'd never choose to be an alcoholic.  I miss home and my family. I always do, even though I am very content. Not living at home makes alcoholism in my family more bearable. They are on my mind every day.

Matt is waiting for a slow cooker to be delivered from Amazon. It's my birthday present. He's excited. Some yummy soups and stews will be in our future. It's crazy to think that two years ago I didn't know how to make any meal but salad. Food is important to me now. It doesn't scare me; it makes me happy. The show Scandal makes me happy too. Winter or subsequent dry skin isn't making me happy. You can't have it all, right?


Thursday, November 06, 2014

Humans of New York


I'm the teenage girl you met earlier today when I was walking with my dad and we talked for a little while about about my eating disorder, but I realized that I didn’t quite give the answers I felt were completely honest or were what I wanted to say. Thinking about it, what I really should have and wanted to say was that this whole experience of having an eating disorder has been complete shit, and it’s the hardest thing I have ever and probably will ever do. There’s no specific moment that has been particularly hard that my dad has helped me through, because the entire time it has just been an ongoing nightmare.
If this is what you want for the caption, I could keep going into great depth about what it’s like having an eating disorder, portraying it in a multitude of metaphors and descriptions that would give people something meaningful to respond or react to. But even still, this probably wouldn’t come close to giving people an idea of how difficult, confusing, draining and indescribable this disease is.
However, since this was originally about my dad and I, I wanted to say that another reason I can’t think of a specific time he’s helped, is because he has been here for me through all of it. The entire time, he has been trying his hardest to help me beat this, which I realize has been incredibly hard on him too, and I’m very appreciative and grateful for that. Whether you decide to use this (or part of) as the caption or not, thanks for reading it and allowing me to explain myself. By the way, would it be okay if you used the picture of our hands and left out my name?

Thank you.